I did the right thing but feel so guilty

Parent Cafe
1

<p>I am coming on here just to get support and to spill my feelings.</p>

<p>My H was relocated to a new area about 1 1/2 years ago. I have not worked since we relocated. Some by choice, some by the economy.</p>

<p>During that time, I have traveled to help my parents and my sisters to help through a medical crisis. I was glad to help and am glad I had the time.</p>

<p>My sister’s H has to have another operation. It is very risky and has a 50/50 chance of success. She has two school age children and last year I went there for a month to help her out and would gladly go again as he needs basically the same operation except there is much less optimism. </p>

<p>My BIL has a chronic health condition and my parents have been to my sister’s numerous times to help. The last time my sister needed help it was very apparent that my parents are not able to really help as they have their own medical issues and are older and have trouble with my sister’s children and all of their activities.</p>

<p>So my sister called today to tell me that her H will have surgery the week after Thanksgiving. But yesterday I received a call about a job that I had applied for quite a while ago. I really need/want to get back to work and this would be a good situation for me.</p>

<p>I told my sister I would be there for her but I had a call about a possible job. I don’t even know if I will get the job or even an interview at this point but I suspect that I will at least get an interview. My sister understood but she was sobbing on the phone with me. She doesn’t want to call our parents as they are just not up for this and she doesn’t get along with them. She is under unspeakable stress and I know I added to it but I needed to be honest. I will be there for her but I also need to get a job.</p>

<p>I know I did the right thing but I am so upset about this and feel so guilty.</p>

2

<p>It sounds like everyone in this situation is behaving well, that’s nice to hear about. With my in-laws it is a sibling who always needs help and my husband is just supposed to take care of everything. No one seems to consider that he has a job and his own kids to think about.</p>

<p>I think your sister was crying because she is so worried, I don’t really think you added to her distress. Maybe you could help her problem solve, for instance find an agency where she can hire someone to get the help she needs.</p>

3

<p>That sounds like a difficult situation.
Doesn’t she have any friends/co-workers who could help out?
Have her talk to the social worker at the hospital, they deal with family situations all the time.</p>

4

<p>With the time it takes to interview all candidates and make a decision, plus any allowance they’ll expect to give someone for leaving their existing job, there’s a good chance they may not expect anyone to be available until January. That would allow you to help your sister. In any case, if they seem to be serious about you after the interview, you can find out if a later start date would work for them. Most people are understanding and if they want you, they will be accommodating.</p>