<p>I have been going through a really tough time since college has started. It’s almost like I stopped caring. I don’t go to class, I rarely do my work, and it’s a shock if I actually study for something.
I got diagnosed with depression and bipolar disorder by 2 different psychiatrists last semester. However, I refused to take medications. I ended up getting a D in chemistry and a B in precalc. I didn’t go to class for either of them. I actually missed half my precalc final because I overslept. I ended up with a 2.633 GPA and I plan on retaking chemistry this summer.</p>
<p>This semester, I have been even worse. I sleep so much and I am always unmotivated or indifferent. It kills me. I don’t even know who I am anymore. I always put 100% effort whenever I had to for most of my life. When I want something bad enough, I will do ANYTHING for it. But now, it’s almost like I’ve given up in school, social life, etc. </p>
<p>I did not listen to my psychiatrist’s advice and I took a “tough” courseload this semester. Chemistry 2, Calculus 1, Microeconomics, Intermediate Italian 2, and a seminar. I’ve been to maybe a handful of classes combined.</p>
<p>I was doing well in Chemistry 2 in the beginning because I read the material before the exam. I did not read at all for the 2nd exam, which was yesterday, and completely bombed it. If I had studied, I would of done 100x better. I do not go to Calculus either, and I bombed the first exam. However, I made extremely dumb mistakes and I would of been able to get a decent grade if I had caught them. I also did not study for this exam. </p>
<p>For Microeconomics, I have not put effort into it whatsoever. I am actually missing my midterm right now. I had no motivation to get out of bed and actually attempt to take it. I can retake the exam after spring break, but I do not know if I want to keep this class. There’s 4 pop quizzes and only 2 count. I already missed 2. I understand economics though. I took AP economics in high school. I just do not have the motivation or dedication to do anything anymore, doing my work, being around people, etc. The exams are difficult and consist of essay questions. I have no interest in microeconomics and I only took it because I thought it would help my GPA. It would if I wasn’t like this.</p>
<p>I am contemplating whether or not I should drop Microeconomics so I can “focus” more on my other classes. I have an appointment to see my psychiatrist in 2 weeks and I’ll be put on medication. I have an appointment with my advisor the day after the withdrawal period.</p>
<p>Should I take the “W” for economics and pull up my grades in my other classes? I don’t mind retaking microeconomics again but I just don’t think I could deal with it right now. I don’t want to risk getting a C or C+ or possibly fail.</p>
<p>I don’t even know if I can get into medical school anymore which depresses me even more. I wish I could snap out of it but I can’t. I will lay on my bed for ages and think of how much of a failure I am. During my chem exam, all that was running through my head was how much of a disappointment I am to my parents and myself.</p>
<p>I finally bit the bullet today and realized I need to do deal with the psychological problems that’s been plaguing me for years. I would be too stubborn to admit it. The reason why I actually want to become a doctor is from all the times I ended up in the emergency room for something or another. I’m not dumb though, which upsets me further that I’m doing this poorly in school. I’ve never been this bad my whole life. One of my psychiatrists had warned my last semester that I would fail all my classes if I did not go on medication. Now, I wish I had believed her.</p>
<p>Could someone please give me advice on what to do? Or am I never getting into medical school and I should pursue something else? =(</p>