Let me start by saying that this is not a post for me to get sympathy from people
A friend told me I should use this site to get my question answered.
Background Info: Born with a defect, Junior at the moment, third high school, etc.
So my defect didn’t effect me greatly except for the usual bullying, etc. I had high hopes starting high school. I was going to make it to Stanford, become really successful, etc. (I know I can become successful without going to Stanford…but it was my dream.)
Freshman Year GPA - UW: 4.0 W: 4.33
Sophomore Year GPA - UW: 4.0 W: 4.25
Junior Year First Semester GPA - UW: 3.125
Yeah…2 A’s, 5 B’s, 1 C. I had to get an unexpected surgery which caused me a great deal of problems. I left school many days due to issues. This led to my grades going down drastically. At the moment I am on track to making all A’s the second semester. My counselor said that she would explain my situation in my recommendation letters.
The simple answer is that there’s nothing particularly special you need to do other than to keep working and stop worrying. Your counselor said she would take care of it and that’s really all there is to it.
Sometimes people have streaks of weak grades because of factors beyond their control. I know very few admissions committees that would think worse of a candidate for having a moderately high GPA during one semester when they had to get surgery.
You learn what you can in school while enjoying your friends and the opportunities there. You challenge yourself and get the best grades you can without driving yourself crazy with anxiety. You build a balanced list of colleges you could apply to beginning with fantastic schools that you are above the majority of typical kids’ accepted stats wise and that you can afford. You research other schools besides Stanford. When the time comes, you apply to a few including Stanford. Know that if you don’t get in, it may not even have been because of one rocky semester anyway. Just do what you can, apply to colleges smartly giving yourself plenty of options, and then let the chips falls where they may.
Look surgery or no, your “dream” of going to Stanford was a long shot. Stanford turns down plenty of kids with straight A’s. You shouldn’t get fixated on any one thing like that. Attend to your health, try to get your grades back on track and recognize that going to Stanford does not guarantee anyone a perfect life and that the vast, vast, vast majority of happy, successful people in this country did not attend Stanford. I think you need to mature a little and recognize that there are many paths to happiness and success rather than fixating on one particular school.
–What can you do?? Well all you can do, all anyone can do at any given point in life is to keep moving forward in a positive direction. Take a deep breath and do as well as you can this semester. You have already arranged for your guidance counselor to discuss the situation in his/her recommendation so there is no other remediation possible. Time to move on.
–You need to recognize that Stanford is a crapshoot for pretty much everyone. The school has more than enough perfect GPA perfect SAT people to fill up the school many times over. So a tick up in your junior year grades would in no way come close to guaranteeing your admission to Stanford. Should you apply? Sure, give it your best shot and see what happens. But as a junior it is time to expand your horizons and do a real college search that includes reach, match, and safety schools that you would be happy to attend. There are so many absolutely amazing colleges and universities out there that can give you a great education, a great social life, and get you where you want to go in life. You can be successful in life with or without Stanford (or any top tier school for that matter).
My advice is what I tell lots of kids. Endure. Chin up, carry on, all that cliche stuff that sounds like nonsense when you are a teenager, but as you get older and find your own path in life, it will make sense to you. Keep being remarkable, keep being a good person who has a love of learning - that is what S is looking for.
My D is a freshman at Stanford, and your post could have been written by one of her friends perhaps 3 or 4 years ago (her surgery to correct a congenital issue was in her sophomore year). She told D and how at first she didn’t think she fit in since she thought she was the only kid there who wasn’t a valedictorian - turns out there are a lot of great kids there who were not perfect students - and plenty of perfect ones as well. Just a great mix.
Do not dash your dreams, but be realistic. As an “A” student you undoubtedly understand your chances weren’t great to begin with, but I would suggest it is entirely possible that your “story” is that much more interesting now - admin officers often look favorably upon those who overcome adversity. You will have lots of great choices, even if not at the Farm.
Do as well as you can so that it’ll be clear that the one semester was an aberration. Keep looking forward. But remember, too, that you had surgery for the benefit of your health and life! You’re clearly smart and motivated. You’ll do better wherever you end up as a healthy person. In a perfect world, you’d have been able to have academic success and perfect health all at once. The world isn’t perfect, but it seems like you made the right trade.
And you never know what doors this may open for you – Stanford may like your story, your resilience, and your ability to make a comeback. Then again, so may someplace else that you weren’t thinking about, and it could be the perfect place for you. I know it’s hard, but you need to keep putting one foot in front of the other.
You do what you should have done before the surgery. Develop a list of match and safety schools that you would like to attend. Read the Fiske Guide to Colleges if you haven’t yet. Study for your standardized tests and do your best. Visit the matches and safeties that you like, attend a class, go on a tour, eat in the cafeteria and figure out what colleges fit you and your academic interests. Run net price calculators to see what you can afford. Apply to your matches, safeties, and a couple of reaches including Stanford.
This site is full of hundreds (thousands) of kids who didn’t have surgery and also didn’t get into Stanford. I’m not saying it to be mean…and I feel for anyone who has to deal with health issues like this in high school…but I would not correlate my lack of acceptance to Stanford to this issue. As others have noted, you’re a strong candidate for many many schools…begin drawing up that list and focusing on the end-game.
"So my defect didn’t effect me greatly except for the usual bullying, etc. "
Then the mod wrote:
“Be thankful that you have a defect that doesn’t affect you greatly. I wish my son could say the same”
Effect or affect? I hate to be the grammar police, but perhaps one more thing that OP should do, since he/she is asking for advice, is to learn the proper usage. I recall this is something that used to come up on the SAT or ACT
I was once told that admin officers at highly selective schools are willing to use anything - even punctuation or typos - as an excuse to reject people.
I don’t mean to be mean, and I recognize that there is a huge difference between this forum and the Common App.
If your dreams and goals can be completely shattered by unexpected surgery that caused you to miss some school during high school then they were built on a very unsteady foundation.
Are you blind? Paralyzed? Diagnosed with stage 4 cancer? Lost all four limbs in an accident? Burned over most of your body? In jail awaiting a murder trial? Killed a classmate accidentally in an underage DWI car accident? In rehab for a heroin addiction? Homeless and parentless? Parents suddenly bankrupt? Developing major mental health issues? Suffering in some other actual horrible situation? If so, I am truly so sorry and hope that some of the wise parents on this forum can give you some comfort and offer some help.
If not, then get a grip on what the phrase “My dreams, my goals, all gone” really means, and stop the drama.
Are you saying your best is behind you? Goodness, you have only just begun! Make the choice that your best is ahead of you. And this may be shocking, but I have one that chose another school over Stanford. It is not the only game in town. Have you even been to the school or do you just dream about it because you are supposed to? I have a friend whose student hated Harvard when she visited after being accepted. Go figure, but it wasn’t a good fit. There is not a one college fits all solution out there and there are a zillion great schools out there. Those most likely to be happy are flexible, open, and accepting rather than narrow minded. It is a big world with so many great opportunities, do not limit yourself or your life by locking in on a single school or focusing on a lost opportunity. You still may get in, but keep working and be open to surprises that await around the corner. Giving up and as mentioned, being consumed by the drama of it all, will hold you back more than anything else.
Try to get over it.
Really, life will get better.
Oh, for goodness sakes, you have options, just be open to them.
Let go of that Stanford dream and see where life takes you.
Live for today and prepare for tomorrow.
Work on you. Figure out who you are and how to bring your best self to everything you do. Challenge yourself, but don’t pressure yourself, or put yourself down. Decide that you are going to be on your own side and that is OK.
I would seek some counseling if I were you. Not because something is “wrong” per se, but because a great counselor can save you alot of time and aggravation down the road. It truly does help to figure yourself out. Work on your self esteem. You don’t need Stanford for validation. Stop looking for outside validation and look within.
You said you were born with a defect. Did the surgery not fix/correct the defect? Did it get botched up? Were there unforeseen complications? Im sorry for your pain. It must be very rough. Are there doctors or social workers involved with your case who might give you some perspective or closure? I’m assuming this is a defect which is visible to others? If it makes you feel better, in the college world people are not going to be as insensitive as they were in high school.
One of my favorite bosses at work was a man with a facial defect such that it looked like his jaw and one side of his face was caved in - it also affected his speech. He is a very senior person in his corporation and it hasn’t stopped him at all.
I should have known about this website sooner, it was really helpful! I spent all last night looking at posts and I’ve learned so much about college applications and other colleges. Stanford was my “goal”. I did not state that it’s the ONLY college I want to go to. I was able to push myself further by having high expectations. I told myself I would not be disappointed if I never get the chance to go there. But it’s still a little disappointing.
I know that some top students get rejected to high end schools. In my previous school, the valedictorian was rejected. Last year, I took it as motivation and told myself that I would be “different”. I would do something that he did not have.
I found other schools that have interested me, so I will try my best the rest of the year. College essays seem to play a big role in whether students are accepted or rejected, so I will start working on those during summer break.
@Pizzagirl This is my first time using this site and I am not the person who posted about a psychologist. Yeah my defect is clearly visible, and it also affects my speech as well. No, the surgery I got did not correct it. I am expected to have another 3-4 surgeries before it gets “fixed”.
I wish my son could say the same.