I don't know what I'd do if my child

Parent Cafe
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<p>S1 graduated from college in 2007 and has been employed in his field since then…a very lucky, happy boy–and he knows it. S2 graduated last May and is in grad school…S3 is a rising college senior.</p>

<p>I can’t imagine my boys not doing their dangdest to get a job post college…moving home is not on their preferred list of alternatives. If they end up coming home, I can’t imagine them wanting to remain here. And yet we are a very close family and love being together and they know we would never ever kick them to the curb.</p>

<p>I wonder about some families with the “you’re on your own now” philosophy. How does that play out a couple of decades in the future when your own life hits some rough patches? I think of all those in their late 50s losing their jobs and having no luck finding new employment, going through their retirement savings at an alarming rate. What will they live on in their 70s and 80s. </p>

<p>What will the family dynamic be in some of these families if they suffer later in life unemployment, or another recession decimating retirement savings, or illness or incapacitation taking hits on savings…will some of the children who were told “you’re on your own” right after graduating feel so generous to their parents should they arrive at a time and place where they need financial support? Or will it be, “…hope you can afford a nice nursing home…or not”</p>

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<p>How is telling your child (who is now an adult at 22) that he/ she is on his own mean? I suppose its in the way it’s said. My DH was told at 17 that he was on his own for college. Get a scholarship or work your way through. He was a good enough athlete to receive a full scholarship but his siblings were not. Out of 4 kids, 3 finished college and even earned advanced degrees. The one who did not, still has a chip on her shoulder and she was the one who chose not to go to UCLA when accepted because she would have to find a way to pay. Still, 3 out of 4 ain’t bad.</p>

<p>When DH graduated a moved back home, he earnestly looked for work taking a substitute teaching job and promptly moved out of the house in 2 months. I never moved back home after graduation. I had a part time job that paid the bills. </p>

<p>We were honest w/our S that we would pay for 4 years of college and if
he needed more time, he would have to foot the bill. He also knows that
he is welcome to come home after grad while he looks for work. Right
now, he is working for the summer and helping around the house. Our expectations are clear - everyone pitches in and none of our kids has a
problem with it. It’s all in the presentation.</p>