I don't want a "normal" life...but don't know what exactly I want

Career Opportunities & Internships
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What I’m about to explain is either going to come off as arrogant or delusional, so think whatever you want…but I need to share my true, daily thoughts on college and life in general…

I’m an only child. I’m very independent and self confident. I can get along with people well, and if you’d ask coworkers, classmates, friends of mine…they’d all have great things to say about me. I feel like a pretty liked person. My boss and teachers would use the following words to describe me: Intellectual, responsible, intelligent, focused, intense, serious, dedicated, kind.

But I don’t like society. I don’t like most people. Most of the time, I keep this attitude silent inside of me because I find it’s easier to just get along with everyone rather than get into my true opinions about life. The truth is, I have never wanted a “normal” life. What I mean by that is the standard picture of the wife, kids, nice house with the white picket fence, and a standard 9-5, 40 hours a week job making $50,000 a year.

I’ve never settled for “average.” Inside, I’m extremely competitive, and while I treat everyone VERY kindly on the outside, deep inside I know I want to be better than other people. I want to be smarter and more successful. Any job or task…I want to do better. At least in the foreseeable future, having a thriving social life and having a family are not priorities of mine. I’ve always dreamed of being one of the most influential, successful, or powerful people in the world. I like stress. I like being in charge of things that carry a lot of responsibility. I’ve always done this in my life…whether it be at work, or in school…I always stand up and take on tough things that I don’t trust other people with.

And also, I’m disgusted with most of the people around me my age. Most of them drink, party, and just like to “have fun.” I get it. I get why people want to have fun. Part of it is that our society brainwashes people into thinking that kind of reckless behavior is somehow GOOD. And I don’t think it is. Therefore, I steer totally clear of participating in any such behavior. I don’t drink, I don’t party, and I don’t do stupid things just for fun. I go to class, I study, I workout, and I spend the rest of my time reading anything I can get my hands on that increases my knowledge of the world. And that’s my life.

I’ve made friends and contacts, but none of them are very deep, because I’m so different from most people. At the end of the day, I go home to my place…alone, with nothing but myself and my own mind. And I’m happy with that now.

I think being so different in this way has caused me distress and indecision for a long time, which is why I had trouble deciding on a major and ended up changing it several times, which in turn caused me to spend more time in college than the standard 4 years.

I actually think that most people don’t think too much about the future, which is why they make decisions and can follow a standard plan more easily than me. I, on the contrary, think about the far-future constantly, and I tend to think about everything excessively, and since I strive for perfection, I get a little lost when I feel like I’m falling short of my expectations.

So basically, this is just a post to explain that I don’t want a normal life or a normal job. I don’t care about having a great social life. I want to be hugely successful in doing something good for the world on a large scale. I want to have a hectic, stressful career if it means being in charge of really important and influential things. Problem is, I still don’t know exactly what that is…and this is why I continue to feel scared about the future, because I fear that I won’t be able to escape “normal” life.

As I stand here today, I have no specific qualifications that make me a “specialist” in any career field (I still have 2-3 more years of college to go though). All I have is my intelligence, dedication, and extremely high expectations for myself. And I feel like I just need some help figuring out how to get to where I want to go.

So, feel free to respond, ask me anything else that you want to know, and I’m happy to engage in discussion.

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Oh, I also meant to describe my situation as feeling like an “outcast.” I don’t fit into society well. I’m far more mature, serious, future-oriented than most people. And I’m a big picture thinker…I overlook a lot of minor things in life in exchange for dreaming about how the world can be changed on the large scale. Call me a dreamer…I am. I wouldn’t be happy with a normal life, I really want to “rise to the top”…but I just don’t know how.

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I know you think you are unique, but this is such a typical teenage post. And I assume you are male – that competitiveness is at least partly testosterone talking.

Many teenagers are appalled at the idea of living the lives their parents live. They don’t want regular jobs, a house, mortgage, kids, etc. How boring!

So don’t have them – travel, try to find some kind of work you can do that appeals to you and commit fully to it (otherwise you won’t change the world), don’t marry young, use birth control. Odds are decent that eventually you will end up with some of the trappings of “normal” adult life.

Unless you start something yourself (a company or non-profit), you aren’t going to get to start your career at the top or anywhere near it. I’ve seen plenty of young men just out of college or grad school who were so sure that they were big thinkiers who could run the company if they could just skip over those boring intro and intermediate level jobs. They are annoying as all get out to the people who know what is going on already. If you end up in the corporate world, make it your goal to learn as much as you can in each job you are given – don’t just treat it as a stepping stone and look past it.

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Look at what you need to do for the Peace Corps or TFA. Then, do it.
Live in the Honors dorms or the healthy living/substance free dorm.
Join the cineclub, the debate club, the language tables/clubs., the international student club.
Participate in alternative spring break and go help people in need.

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Well, I can tell you this is no longer “typical teenager” stuff. I’m nearly 22; I’m extremely mature and future-oriented. And yeah, I should clarify that I’m totally fine with starting my career with a “normal” job, but my goal is to rise through the ranks vs. people who are just content staying in that normal position forever. That’s kind of what I mean here.

But when you’re someone like me who dislikes society at large, doesn’t put a priority on building networks or a social life, etc…and would rather focus on what makes me happy, it can get scary because there’s a risk of massive failure. Since I won’t have huge groups of friends and “normal” things to do, it kind of feels like either I’ll end up in a great position of power someday or I’ll end up homeless and a total loser.

So I want to make sure I succeed. I want to make sure I do things that help me keep climbing and attract the attention of hirers. And sometimes I read about how some of the most powerful companies only really look at Ivy League schools and the top GPAs for candidates, and that’s depressing because there are a lot of fantastic and highly capable people outside of those small categories.

And for me, by biggest challenge, being a perfectionist, I have to really make sure that I continue to make progress instead of spinning my wheels while I dream about idealism.

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I’d advise you to learn some humility and compassion. Admittedly a lot of successful careers don’t require this (and I’m not even going into politics here…). But your life just might be happier.

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To me you sound less mature than the average 22 year old, honestly. No one makes it big without the support of other people. Not Elon Musk, Steve Jobs, Bill Gates, the people who discovered the Higgs, etc. ESPECIALLY if you want to be a big thinker – you’d better be darned nice to the do-ers of the world who are actually trying to get the stuff done that you are talking about.

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Networking is not just a social thing, there is great power in making connections. Befriending people BEFORE they become famous/powerful gives you great clout. So those college friends, classmates, dorm hall buddies, it is wise to cultivate some kind of basic acquaintance/friend level with them.

People can fake friendship on a shallow basis, but true networking is when you are looking out for others. Hearing that someone is looking for a realtor, and you speak up and recommend your friend for the job, that is networking. And maybe when that realtor friend talks with someone who happens to be looking for a new employee, maybe they will mention you (if it is a position you have mentioned that you are looking for.) So, people can’t help you if you don’t reach out and make yourself a little vulnerable by opening up and sharing. Make friends with students who are graduating before you, and keep up with where they land jobs. Those are prospects for making connections in various companies and industries in the future.

Faking all your friends purely for your own gain is not a good way to live your life. It doesn’t mean you have to go out and party with your roommate, but it does mean sitting in the dining hall with others and talking about a class, an upcoming event, or whatever buzz topic is dominating student interest. Show genuine interest in others, in what is important to them. If you need to think of this as networking for your future, that is fine, just keep that information to yourself.

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@yucca10 I believe I am a pretty compassionate person. The people who I’m closest with (family, friends) would say so. Sorry it doesn’t come through clearer online. My intention isn’t to be compassionate here…it’s to help me connect points A and B in my life. :slight_smile:

@intparent That’s not maturity; that’s simply knowing more. That’s what I’m trying to do. I totally disagree with you about maturity; I am mature. But there’s a lot I don’t know about how to get to where I want to go. Those are separate things. On the contrary, there are people who more easily make progress every day but also act immaturely and end up setting themselves back.

And that’s why I’m here…to figure out how to keep moving forward while still being my unique self. I’ll always remember what my 5th grade teacher told us…“Dare to be different.” And wow, did that really turn out to be true for me.

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You started your post by saying it may come across as arrogant or delusional. I think you kind of know it is both.

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Well, you can put your money where your mouth is and move to Beirut, Lebanon, as my 22-year-old son has done. He takes classes three days a week and three days a week he rides his motorcycle to the Syrian refugee camp to volunteer. His apartment in Beirut has no running water at this point due to the severe drought in the country. The power goes out several times a week. Trash pickup is non-existent.

His goal is to work long-time in the Middle East, helping people. He is my hero.

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@powercropper I didn’t mean to imply I “fake” friendships. I don’t; I just meant that MOST people in the world, I can’t build a deep, “brother” like relationship with. I have a handful of coworkers, friends, acquaintances who I talk to regularly and enjoy doing so.

I just mean that I feel different because it seems like a lot of people my age like to be around other people 24/7. They’re extroverted. You see it on social media all the time, and it kind of forces an untrue view of the world on me. Because I know all people can’t possibly be like that.

I have connections and friendships, but at the end of the day, I prefer to settle down and focus alone. Study alone. Workout alone (sometimes with my friend though). And I don’t see this as a bad thing; in the big-picture, it’s how I see myself being most productive.

Elon Musk rented a large house in college with a roommate, but in order to meet his rent payments, he had his roommate host huge parties with hundreds of people. Elon charged students $5 for entry. And then during the parties he disappeared into his room alone to play video games, study, or create something. And there’s just something about that story that connects with me, because that would totally be me as well.

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@intparent Yep, to a normal person, I was spot on, that’s for sure.

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@MaineLonghorn Now THAT is admirable…to sacrifice that much, put yourself at risk, to help other people and make the world better. So amazing!

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Okay, now we are getting somewhere. You know that you are an Introvert, and yes, you recharge your work/creative/study batteries by being alone. It sounds like you can admit and own your Introvert self, and that you do not try to keep up with the extroverts around you (which is very exhausting for us introverts). There is value in connecting with others, but doing it in small doses is best for introverts.

I think your wording in your first post was a little confusing, and it is taking a little bit of “peeling back some layers of your onion” to clarify your words and to better understand what you really want to say here.

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@powercropper It has taken me a while to accept the true introvert that I am. There are times when you feel like you’re being left behind, left out, just like you said. But when I truly ask myself if I would enjoy doing all the things extroverts do on a daily basis, the answer is definitely no. A friend brought me to a club once. I went because I he’s a good guy and just went along, but I knew I would hate it…and I did. You will never, ever see me out partying or drinking on a Friday night. I’d rather watch a sci-fi movie or discuss the deepest questions of the world and the universe. But the problem is, there are very few people, at least in my experience, who are like that, which is why I settle for continuing to be alone.

The original post was just me releasing my thoughts. I guess what I’m really looking for is maybe just some key things that I should focus on in my life that will help me “rise to the top” and eventually have a career with a lot of responsibility and importance, taking into the consideration that I’m so introverted and so different than most people my age.

I’m sure I’m just overthinking this, too. My best bet would probably be just to stop searching online for completeness and answers to things that I can only achieve through my own hard work. And that’s probably what I need to do. Stop overthinking, and just buckle down and get to work. It’s just hard because I naturally want to see a clear end goal. I would like to know exactly where I’ll be in 30 years. But I know that’s probably unrealistic. I should just focus on my interests, become the best person I can be, and take opportunities as they arise.

I’ve posted here…and on other sites…countless times in the past. Every time, I seem to kind of “reset” myself, move forward, but then when I feel like I’m getting lost or losing pace, I come back. It’s a (bad?) habit.

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I think you hit on something, though, which is some jobs are better for introverts than others. And, no matter how much of an introvert you are, any job will require a minimum amount of networking. For example, a brain surgeon will probably have to attend his hospital’s annual fundraiser, and do probably a dozen other networking things a year. (Brian surgeons please correct me!). Whereas a real estate agent lives and breathes networking. I think it’s worthwhile to have some conversations with your school’s career development office about this.

And I don’t think you’re so different from people your age. There are plenty of kids like you out there, you just haven’t met them yet because they’re probably in their dorm rooms too, watching sci fi, etc. you should look at the different academic clubs available at your school, or go attend some extra-curricular lectures in an area that interests you.

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I believe I suggested the school’s book club a few months ago – I can still give details if OP is interested.

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I’d suggest you read “Mountains Beyond Mountains” by Tracy Kidder. Paul Farmer is someone who just picked up at your age and went to change the world. And by the way, I don’t consider my self particularly neuro-typical. I’m kind of an introvert as well. I just think it isn’t as atypical as you think it is to be in your early 20s, want to do big things, and not like people all that much. The message is, though, that you need people to accomplish stuff, and people have a pretty good gut sense of whether others are genuine or not. They aren’t looking for extroverts, but they also don’t want cold fish who don’t care about other human beings. Honestly, to me it sounds like you want to change the world so you will be recognized. That is probably the wrong place to start from.

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@melvin123 I’m sure those things will be no problem at all for me when the time comes. I have pretty decent people skills…although it wasn’t always that way. I used to have social anxiety, but I’ve overcome it. I can interact with people really well and pleasantly. It’s just not something I want to be doing all the time. LOL

@bodangles Yeah, thanks for the help on that previous post…college away from home has gone well so far, so I can’t really complain. I’ve joined several clubs, will be seeking leadership positions in the near future, and have made a number of new contacts. I’ll let you know a little later about the book club!

@intparent I’ll definitely look into it! Your statement about how it seems like I want to change the world so I will be recognized is probably pretty accurate. And I know it’s not the best way to go about life. My feeling is just that…I don’t need to have a nice, comfortable middle-class life myself to be happy. I’m willing to sacrifice things that maybe other people aren’t…family, kids, social/fun time…in order to get myself into a position of high influence or authority so that I can make a recognizable contribution to the world. I don’t know exactly what that is…there are many things I would like to change about the world, many things I want to see happen in my lifetime. I guess that kind of relates to my last message that I should just buckle down, focus on my interests, work hard, and see where life goes and what opportunities open up for me. I’ve always struggled with a personal problem of thinking too much about the future and getting distracted with what I need to do in the present.