I don't want to go back home

<p>Okay, so maybe you guys've seen my posts on other threads about how much I prefer my life at college to life back at home. Only problem is, I kind of have to go home, and I'm freaking out about it. Like, each time I look at the calendar and see Thanksgiving coming in a few weeks, I stress out. And I don't even know what I'm going to do about the four-week winter break. I've seriously considered "missing" my flight back for Thanksgiving, but the winter break, I don't know what I'm going to do. </p>

<p>Being around my family's always made me miserable, but I thought it was the norm, and life wasn't really, you know, enjoyable. Until I came to college. And I don't want to go back. I know starting next year, I'm going to start leasing an apartment year-round, but now, in the dorms, I have to go somewhere, since the residence halls close during the winter, and I don't think I can make it. Also, most of my friends here live in SoCal, and I'm from NorCal, (an 8-hour drive from my college) so there's no real way to spend time with them. Help? Help please?</p>

<p>Rent a room for the month? There will be lots of that :) Good luck!</p>

<p>Invite some friends to come home with you for Thanksgiving or winter break...it always puts families on their best behavior.</p>

<p>A college friend from far away would really appreciate a Thanksgiving invitation....much better than eating a granola bar for Thanksgiving dinner since food service will be closed. You can buy a cheap air mattress if you don't have guest beds at home.</p>

<p>For winter break, invite friends for different times over break/accept a few invitations to visit others.</p>

<p>Won't your parents be upset that you're basically acting like they don't exist?</p>

<p>I have no choice but to go home for winter break, so I understand. I hate going home as well, but they close the dorms and I have nowhere else to go. I just try to lay low, stay out of the way and keep to myself.</p>

<p>I honestly feel the same way too. Granted I have a 26-year-old NEET brother, an uneducated mother and we all are crammed into a flat with one room and a disgusting kitchen and toilet. Not to mention, I am often picked on by my brother who never had a job</p>

<p>That sounds really hard Laffy. :(</p>

<p>Jeez laweez. Im not sure what to think about all this.. So you dont like being around your family, the family that raised you, the family that cleaned the poop from your diapers and the family that probably pays for you to go to college.</p>

<p>I just don't understand your mindset. Are you that ungrateful??</p>

<p>^ Yeah, seriously.</p>

<p>bigtexas, xelbms</p>

<p>I'm paying my own way. Even though my parent's EFC should cover my entire tuition. And if your parents didn't like you for who you are, I don't think you'd enjoy being around them much, either.</p>

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<p>your family still probably miss you in their own way. they might not show it, but they probably do. everyone does no matter how they behave.</p>

Your family situation is toxic to you.
I support your decision to stay away from them because the visit leaves you miserable.
Not everyone has a happy family situation like the above posters.
You do not get the unconditional love and support as those same lucky posters.
Get a holiday job( Victoria's Secret, Macy's) and offer to apartment sit for a friend who will be at home for the 3 weeks.</p>

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<p>If you're paying your own way, then don't bother going back. They don't deserve to be called parents.</p>

<p>Woah some of the people above who are being judgmental must not realize how lucky they have been with their home life.
I understand 100 percent where you are coming from, had a terrible "black sheep" home soap opera like life, unfortunately I had to suck it up and stay home for a month and was miserable but basically tried to sleep over a friends home every chance I got. Now, I'm a junior and live in an apartment 900 miles away, never felt more free in my life.. you will get that one day so stay strong. I haven't read in the past about your situation, but I'm always here for support if you need someone to rant to!</p>

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<p>Why are people now arguing on "oh but they raised you!". They did, but we aren't talking about that. It's a completely different matter</p>

<p>I hear ya. I was a foster child, and once I left for college, they really didn't want me back. I did stay with them for Thanksgiving. But they made arrangements for me to apartment sit for a friend of theirs who was away over the winter break. We only had to see each other like, once maybe, during my break.</p>

<p>See if you can find someone who rents who will let you stay in their apt over the winter break.</p>

<p>Wow, a whole week with your family is really that bad? You are one miserable selfish person.</p>

<p>Okay, look. I wasn't trying to come across as selfish or ungrateful. But I am getting serious anxiety issues just by thinking about the fact that I have to go home in two weeks. I understand that people think that I'm in the wrong, and that I seem like a selfish kid, but I would greatly appreciate it if you didn't judge me without knowing my situation. It's a long story, and if you like, I could tell you, but please don't put labels on me without knowing my background.</p>

<p>And thank you very much to the people who understand where I come from. </p>

<p>That is all.</p>

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<p>Again, I am going to suggest that you bring a friend home with you. It keeps everyone on their best behavior...you, and your parents.</p>

<p>Many times, a bad situation is not amenable to having a friend come (space, tempers, etc) but if it would work i second this idea. If not, I would simply keep a low profile, being polite and pleasant but non-engaged in battle. You know, every relationship is a "dance", and your dance may be different now that you are gone. It is possible that your folks may be more tolerable and respectful now that you are away a good part of the time. If not, YOU be different. That changes the dance as well. If they bait you, don't rise. If they yell, don't defend. If they give their opinion, say "MMM....I'll consider that." Surprisingly enough, "I'll think about that" stops many lectures. I would think by most standards I have done a good to great job so far as a parent, most likely because I was well parented, and married a man who was also well parented. That said, it is really really hard to shut up if you feel you have a valid point, and your DD or DS argues with you. If they say "I'll think about that" than perhaps they will. Our oldest is 18, adn I am still adjusting to the fact that she often argues with me, and then does exactly what I suggested, or at least thinks about it and filters it through her own sense of facts.</p>