<p>I started to write this about a week ago- and didn’t post it
I wanted to write more- because I feel that depression is underdiagnosed/treated, and because mental problems often come out as kids get older & I want other families to not be ashamed, but to get help and support if they need it- but it is a very weighty topic and I didn’t feel I could give it justice- and wasn’t sure if it was appropriate- but now I found that what was just a “public service announcement” was actually much closer to home.</p>
<p>*Depression is a treatable disease
Recently I posted on a Seattle live journal site an item stating that a young ( 15) girl had jumped off a local bridge and died, and local resources for teens to get help for themselves or others.
I wasn’t surprised, but disappointed at the responses of a “few” who felt this was “Darwinism” at work.</p>
<p>Would we say that about diabetes, or muscular dystrophy, or cerebral palsy?
Depression is a disease, and while some have acute episodes once or twice, others have chronic depression, but while it interferes with their daily life, those without depression are not somehow “more” fit to continue the human race.</p>
<p>In fact, in responding to a comment that those who committed suicide we only remember because they did so, I was reminded of the numbers who have left by their own hand, and how much they are missed.
( I have been watching The Killing Fields- highly recommended for those who haven’t seen it- Sam Waterson -John Malkovich-Craig T Nelsen, Haing S Ngor,( who was murdered in LA in 1996)Julian Sands and one of my favorites Spalding Gray who died in 2004
While research is being done to improve treatment and medication, there IMO, is still a stigma attached to needing or getting help.*</p>
<p>I just found out that this young teen, we know- she had been on my younger daughters soccer team
Bright- well liked & loved- beautiful girl-
15 years old
I feel sick.</p>
<p>{{{{{{{{HUGE HUGS}}}}}}}} to you. The devastation this dreadful and debilitating condition wreaks is sooooooooooooo widespread.</p>
<p>Last summer, our community lost a gorgeous, talented young lady (19 years old) with whom my girls had been in several musical theatre productions to a senseless suicide. Needless to say, family, friends, and the MT community were left reeling from the blow—and feeling soooooooooo helpless in the face of this often silent monster: depression.</p>
<p>I am sooooooooooo very sorry, and yes, I <em>still</em> feel ill from the event of last summer.</p>
<p>As someone who has battled this same monster since college, I have made it my mission to bring education/comfort/support–and most of all, encouragement to get professional help–to those around me who find themselves similarly afflicted (and to those who are struggling to understand them).</p>
<p>A very important public service announcement.</p>
<p>Anyone who has the stupidity and gall to suggest that suicide is a form of evolutionary culling is not only ignorant but without a soul.</p>
<p>The events both of you have described are tragic and so terribly sad.</p>
<p>Thank you also for that link and quote from the Seattle article, emeraldkity4, for its sobering look at what may be going on right in our own backyards.</p>
<p>If someone says they feel like committing suicide, do NOT leave them alone until you have found a professional counselor to take over. This applies whether you are an adult or a student. It is not something to joke about, ever.</p>
<p>And EK4, it’s awful, isn’t it? The person who jumped was a friend of a friend, and she’s devasted–as is everyone who knew her.</p>
<p>I think it’s rare for anyone to be untouched, either their family or their friends, by depression at one time or another. Sadly, a very close friend of one of my Ds suffered it through his teen years. On a beautiful October day, while home from his second year at college for the weekend, he went out for a walk and ‘disappeared’. His body wasn’t found until the following May. This boy was an honor roll student, talented actor, writer, and musician, beloved by his many friends. He was an only child and his parents were devastated. Such a tragedy for all involved but especially for him because he deserved a long and happy life.</p>
<p>I don’t know what was going on for this girl- but I think this is a good wakeup call for me-
I know that I often push at my daughter- if she acheives one goal- then there is another- it is a very fine line- between making sure they stay on top of their schoolwork- and everything else- and letting them/encouraging them to be kids.</p>
<p>While hearing about adults like Spalding Gray and Hunter Thompson, who took their own lives is very sad- especially because I know what it is like to live with something, and just be so tired of dealing with it, that you feel you can’t take the getting better only to get worse again- or what I am imagining they may have felt.-
but to hear about a girl who was a state qualified runner- who participated in youth leg-who was bright and otherwise healthy and had" her whole life ahead of her"- that makes me fall down on the floor and just sob.</p>
<p>I know that some of these kids are so talented- so skilled and they don’t have a lot of experience with disappointment.
I really don’t know why this happened, but I know I am going to be much more conscious of the messages that I send, not just to my daughter but to other kids. It is OK for them to make mistakes, it is ok to screw up- everyone does, but as an adult I am going to try to admit my mistakes more, and hopefully encourage them, that it is about just plugging along sometimes- and that when you trip, it is ok to ask for a hand up. I am rambling here, but - it was just so out of the blue- her poor family-</p>
<p>How terribly sad. I lost a sister to depression and it destroys the surviving family. My heart just goes out to the family of those suffering from this monster illness.</p>
<p>Thank you, EK. Like others here, we too have been touched by this in our small community, when a schoolmate of my son’s committed suicide one month after high school graduation.</p>
<p>His parents, and others in our state, have made it their mission to work to eliminate the stigma associated with depression and mental illnesses, to share information on warning signs. </p>
<p>I am so sorry to hear such tragic news. My sympathies to you, your daughter and this poor girl’s family – they must be absolutely devastated.
So many times, the warning signs are missed because we don’t know <em>what</em> to be looking for.</p>
<p>It also saddens me to read posts on CC from high school students whose parents are “disappointed” when they get less than an 800 on a SAT section ~ what are those parents thinking… If these parents only knew that their precious child’s SAT score is sooooo insignificant when compared to their child’s life…</p>
<p>Suicide is a very devastating thing for survivors. My heart goes out to her family most of all. There have been two suicides in my family and one was about a rather small debt we could have helped sort out if we had known there was a problem.
You all are so right. We need to be ever cognizant that our young adults know we don’t need them to be super heroes or super achievers. Words we say can hurt and attitudes we convey can set up unrealistic views of what is valuable in a person. Also SATs no longer measure much when you are admitted. It is a whole new wide world where every part of you is at play.
My S is suddenly the “mean” in some courses at his college and working hard to stay afloat. I make statements all the time about being totally satisfied and pleased and I am so gratified when I hear him say things like he is “running his own race” there because those are words I left in his ear when we drove away. So far, he loves and admires his friends who are international math stars or rarely gifted in this way or that way, but like most first-years, he has a long way to go on identity formation of his own. Our kids will face some failures, some rejections and some self doubt and we need to equip them for the dissonance of life.<br>
My son has an artistic outlet and I am always praising him for expressing dissonance in music and converting it to something compelling, and notice he “gets” that many talented people also cope with painful emotions and setbacks. It is important that every kid have an outlet where value is in expression rather than in grades and ranks.<br>
A teen near me committed suicide after he totaled his father’s car when told not to drive. No drugs or alcohol involved. How much suffering his death caused to his classmates and his poor parents over the price of a car! but we forget that a teenager does not have a fully developed brain and is impulsive at times.<br>
Maybe we need to talk honestly with our kid about how long a process…forever? a thing like Identity Formation takes.<br>
This world today is also so overstimulating and Information Overload oriented. Cudos to those of you who help your kids connect to things that sustain and center them in this Information Age world.</p>
<p>This story is sooo sad becuz this kid probably knew his parents would come “unglued” at him for totally the car. Obviously, the parents would rather have their son alive – but hindsight is 20/20. </p>
<p>Some friends of ours lost their son last summer becuz he accidentally drove his dad’s forbidden expensive car into a tree (killing him and his friend). Our friends keep asking themselves, “why didn’t we keep the keys hidden”. Frankly, if the boy had survived the crash, he too may have chosen suicide rather than face his dad… Sadly, this family’s grief is also mixed with anger . </p>
<p>This family is also trying to deal with anger. They are angry that their son disobeyed the rule which caused the tragedy and they are angry that each month they have to make a car payment for a car that no longer exists (the insurance wouldn’t pay for the car since the son had been purposely excluded from the policy becuz it would be too expensive to have him covered on such an expensive car.) The parents are also facing a lawsuit from the other dead kid’s parents (again, insurance isn’t going to pay). It is one major tragedy (death) combined with a lot of salt being rubbed in their wounds.</p>
<p>Dealing with the loss of a child is unmeasurable pain. Losing a child is unnatural – we aren’t supposed to bury them, they are supposed to bury us. My heart breaks for people dealing with this pain.</p>
<p>I talked to a friend of mine whose daughter is this girls best friend.
Her parents are very sweet and non pushy- however one of her siblings has Down’s - and it is probable that she may have felt she had to make it up to her parents by being “perfect”.
She apparently had a fight with her mom ( but really what 15 yr old doesn’t?)- and took the car and drove to the bridge.
Totally impulsive
Devastating- I am going to the funeral this afternoon, not only for the parents, but to touch base with the girls- I worry about them so much-
I have had friends die when I was a teen- but it was usually boys who were drinking and crashed- an accident is awful- and tragic-but we don’t feel like there was something that we could have done to stop it, unless we saw them drive off.
But for a friend to die like that- it doesn’t make sense-</p>
<p>Unfortunately, as a teacher, I see how suicide affects everyone, not just the family, but the friends and other students in school, and the teachers and neighbors. I also deal with parents who want to push their kids past their abilities, and see the stress this causes. I believe in challenging kids to work above expectations, but there is a limit, and so many parents set their kids up for failure. That is not to say that this is the only reason that the kids do it, but it certainly can be a contributing factor if the child is not able to withstand pressure, etc. Death due to an accident or illness is also traumatic, but suicide leaves a scar of repercussions and guilt for those left behind. God bless you for bringing this topic up for discussion. Depression is truly the “silent killer.”</p>
<p>Please, please when thinking about suicide and depression in teens - do not forget the impulsivity. Teenagers can endanger themselves at much lower levels of depression, and many teenage suicides are not truly clinically depressed with full blown symptoms, they may have had a sudden setback (like totalling the car), and feel so out of control that they lose control.
There is a strong genetic component to classic clinical depression, so some kids at risk can be identified based on family history, but I think all teens are at a somewhat higher risk for suicide than all adults (except older men), because of the impulsivity factor.</p>
<p>I had some friends in high school who committed suicide… it was very devastating. My best friend in high school was in and out of hospitals for attempted suicide, and finally straightened things out a bit when she left for college. (She wound up going to NYU after missing over half of high school due to her depression issues). We don’t really talk anymore as we’ve sort of grown apart… she recently moved to CA so I don’t know when we’ll see each other again. My current best friend has some big problems with depression and I try so hard to help and keep an eye on him… it’s just really hard on a person. I know he would never do the suicide thing, it just hurts to see him hurting… So I hope everybody can keep everyone in their prayers and hope for them to overcome these things. </p>
<p>On a side note, one of my co-workers passed away on Wednesday night. He was in a really bad accident on Saturday… so if we could all keep in mind his 4 year old and 18 month old and wife of 2 years, that would be greatly appreciated as well.</p>
