So I just started college at a very small liberal arts college. I miss my boyfriend and family a lot, theyre 5 hours away. My parents and brother went to this school, for education, like me. Im a music ed major. After going to some classes, they seem way more informal than I expected, and very much based on participation. Im thinking I wouldve been happier with the bigger, lecture style classes. This is so much like high school. This college was very easy to get into for me, and I think it’s showing. I dont even know if I want to study music, it’s just what other people have said I would be good at. I really do not want to be a teacher. I feel that studying music will make me lose the magic of it, which is what I love when playing music. I am already the third chair flute here. I just feel like this college will not help me improve academically or musically. Am I crazy or does this actually make sense? I’ve been feeling off, like I dont fit in with anyone. Everyone seems so “fake” and I’ve been kind of acting like that just to fit in. I dont like it.
Let’s separate the issues.
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Size of university. My daughter is at one of the largest universities in the country, and she has small, informal, conversation-style classes. Even at large universities, the “bigger, lecture style classes” are not for every subject and every class – usually only a handful of core classes are like that. She has concluded that college is “a low-key version of high school.” That might be how you are feeling at the moment. I don’t think a larger university would necessarily make you feel differently as far as how classes are conducted.
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Major. I agree with you and understand. I started out as an art major, but it ruined art for me, and after one semester I switched to another major. Look at the other majors at your college and see what interests you. I strongly recommend you go the career counseling office (or go online) and take some career aptitude tests and personality tests. I did that at my university, and every single thing I’ve studied and every job I’ve had in my life was on that list of options that were suited for me – the tests were spot on. Now many of those types of tests are online. They will point you in the direction of possible majors and careers that fit YOU, not your parents and brother.
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Missing boyfriend and family. If there is not a comparable college near your home that you could attend – and apparently there isn’t or you’d likely be there – then don’t even think about leaving your college because you are homesick. That is natural when you are first living away from home. Go to your college’s counseling department or orientation department and see what advice and resources they offer for students who are new and feeling homesick. If you really feel like your boyfriend is someone you plan to marry one day and you want to keep that relationship going, ask him to look at possible ways he can move closer to you rather than the other way around. Otherwise, just Skype and visit each other when you can.
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Fitting in. That can take some time. I think when you find a more suitable major and some extracurricular activities, then you will find the people you fit in with. Give yourself a chance, and give these other students a chance to prove themselves as not fake after all, as I’m sure many of them are feeling the same way you are right now, and possibly also faking being fake.
It’s completely normal to miss your family and friends and the familiarity of your home when you move to a new place. That’s not an indicator that you chose the wrong place.
I think it’s a bit too early to decide that your college is too easy. What do you mean that it’s “so much like high school”? If it’s the small classes and interaction…that’s how small LACs operate. That’s actually how most upper-level classes in a big public school operate, too. I went to a college where I was literally one of the top 5 admits for my year, and I still felt challenged and grew in unprecedented ways. So don’t write the college off just yet.
As for the major…if you just started you have plenty of time to change. Take some classes in other majors in which you are interested, and see if you like them better.