I feel my roommate and RA are being unfair

I’ve had a tv in our dorm since the beginning of the year, I barely watch tv because I am a pre-nursing student and most days I don’t have time to. Every other time I’ve tried to watch tv or anything low enough where I can barely hear it, my roommate still complains about the noise or tells me to turn it off. I would understand if I was loud but I am as quiet as I can be. Even when I move in my bed and make sound she makes like whining noises when she’s sleep. Last night, she came in at 12am from a trip she went on for the weekend, and I was watching tv. She proceeded to go to bed and then asked me to turn it down, I turned it down to a point where I couldn’t hear, the volume was at 1. I was basically reading the subtitles. She then left for 5 minutes, came back and asked me to turn it off. I said no because she asked me to turn it down and I turned it all the way down and turned on the subtitles. By the way my tv is facing me and she is basically behind my tv so the light isn’t bright enough to disrupt. She called the RA and the RA told me to turn it off. I just want to know If I was wrong and if the RA was wrong. I feel like we both pay for the room and there should be a compromise, especially since I compromise with her all the time.


I bought a wireless set many years ago that plugs into the audio out of the TV and then streams it to my headphones.

I would guess a lot of TVs today have Bluetooth, so any BT headphones will do. If not, something like https://www.amazon.com/Headphones-Wireless-Watching-Rechargeable-Transmitter/dp/B07WN7WM1P


can you ask for a room change? I agree also, get a headset. I think she is being unfair.

You’re wrong. Having a TV on in the room while someone is trying to sleep is not considerate, if it bothers her.

You two need to sit down and come up with a way to accommodate each other. Having quiet/lights out hours for sleeping is the first thing to discuss. Isn’t there a common area where you can go to watch TV?

If there are things you are compromising on, bring them up for negotiation. But I’d say that having the room be dark and quiet from say, 11 PM to 7 AM is pretty standard.


If she walked in at midnight and told you to turn off something you were watching, that’s unfair. However, why have it on at a ‘1’ if you can’t hear it either? Headphones on read the captions. I’m sure it was the light that bothered her more.

Can you rearrange your beds to block out the light? Can you agree on hours?

You both should do what you can to mitigate the issue.
You should try to get some headphones and not use the TV after, say 11:00 (or whenever “quiet hours” are."
She should get eye shades if the light bothers her.


There is room for compromise here. I would work out something that both of you can rely on relative to “quiet hours” in your room. And to solve the TV issue - headphones are a great idea for you and a sleep mask is a good idea for her. You both have rights.


she sounds difficult and also immature to go to RA. She was a child who didn’t get her way and went and told you on. But to make it easier on yourself sit down and discuss with her. Ask for a compromise. She should wear earplugs and you can get a headset. Im sorry.


My tv is facing my bed, hers bed is behind the tv. We are on opposite sides of the room.

I turned it all the way down to where she wouldn’t be able to hear it I like reading subtitles anyway. She changed her request when the RA came.

I am quiet every night, when I do watch something I have it on silent and read subtitles and it’s not like the light is in her face. She says she has hearing sensitivity when she’s sleep, so i keep quiet but I think it’s a stretch to say the light bothers her when she’s on the opposite side and wall.

There’s certain things we talked about at the beginning of the year and the only issue she had was the hearing sensitivity while sleeping nothing about the light. For her to make it a problem about the light now is highly unfair. It is my room too, I accommodate not making any noise what so ever when she goes to sleep at 9-10pm.

“Highly unfair”? I think you need to ask the RA for a room change. Clearly, she is an early bird, you are not, and you like to watch TV late at night. You don’t seem to see that her request that the room be dark and quiet when she needs to sleep is a reasonable one, no matter what was said at the beginning of the year.


I agree with OP on this one. Yes, highly unfair to demand both silence and complete darkness after 9 or 10:00pm. That’s prime (literally) TV watching time and studying time which will also most likely result in light from a computer. Everyone needs to be flexible.


The OP was talking about refusing to turn off her TV after midnight. She only just threw in 9 -10 PM. The OP can watch TV, or study, or do anything else she wants in the dorm lounge late at night. But the roommate cannot sleep anywhere else.


We’ll agree to disagree. I think it’s rude for someone to come home at midnight and demand that the roommate turn off the TV she was already watching. It’s a shared living environment. It sounds like the roommate needs a single where she can get her silence and darkness whenever she likes.


Seems like a trivial thing for her to make an issue over. Would she have been dead quiet at midnight if you had been sleeping? Would she had left the lights off in order not to disrupt your sleep? Also, what does she do if you’re doing work on your laptop at midnight? Does she tell you to close it so she can go to sleep? I know sometimes my typing late at night annoys my husband when he’s trying to sleep and he’s only inches from me. Why don’t you start watching tv shows on your computer and use headphones? Everything on tv is on the computer. I didn’t even know college kids watch tv anymore. But she’s being unreasonable however a roommate change may yield a worse roommate and in this case you at least know what you have!

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Would your roommate complain if the light came from a lamp while you were studying ?

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Disagree. This is easily resolved by OP – just get a headset like literally every single person I know. Many people are particularly sensitive to sound and light when they are trying to sleep.

The roommate’s right to sleep outweighs OP’s right to watch TV – without headphones, in the room she shares w roommate, at midnight.

Agree - headphones are key. I said that. But roommate can also do things to help herself - sleep mask and/or earplugs are just as easy as headphones. In a shared living situation both roommates have rights and while sleeping is obviously very important, most people can sleep with a bit of noise/a bit of light.

While I understand you take your roommate as she comes and OP needs to accommodate, if you are a roommate on the extreme end of this (need complete darkness and complete silence to sleep), you need to recognize that in yourself and take affirmative steps to remedy the situation before kicking the roommate out of the room (as some suggest) or involving the RA.

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