I feel so alone

<p>I moved into the dorms on Monday. Before I moved in I was so excited,and imagined meeting all of these people and having lots of friends...that didn't happen. I am pretty shy,and I hate it. I try so hard to be outgoing and meet new people,but nothing ever seems to work.
I have 3 other roomates who are very nice, but we don't really have anything in common. They are all 1 year younger than me...and kind of immature. They hang out together all the time..and though they do invite me,I can tell that they just like each other more than me. The dorm that I live in does not have a lot of people. Almost everyone in the dorm is super close except for me. They all hang out together...and I'll hang out with em sometimes,but I feel so awkward,because I have nothing to talk to them about. I don't know what to do. Being shy is ruining my life!</p>

<p>You have to open up.</p>

<p>That's all I can say.</p>

<p>Wow, I'm in the exact same situation</p>

<p>Please see the responses on this thread:</p>

<p><a href="http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/showthread.php?t=233901%5B/url%5D"&gt;http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/showthread.php?t=233901&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p>

<p>I'm "just a mom," so my thoughts may not be very helpful, but please see those of your fellow freshman.</p>

<p>I'm not quite there yet. But what you feel is what I fear and sort of, kind of expect will happen to me once I finally move in next week...</p>

<p>you always have me, the hobo.</p>

<p>Hmmm, I think the best advice to start giving people who feel alone is this:</p>

<p>Stop reading this reply! Leave CC, get off your computer, stand up, (make sure you have your key with you), walk out of your dorm room and meet people. Take a stroll around campus. Buy a soda and try to talk to someone at a vending machine. Get a frisbee, run down your halls screaming "Who's up for ultimate frisbee?" find a lawn and start playing. Or knock on people's doors and ask if anyone's up for a game of poker. Lie and call it a "floor activity". </p>

<p>And if you really can't stand leaving CC, go to your school's page, write a post saying "Any freshies who are bored, meet up here at X time," and I'd bet you'd get at least 10 other people who feel the way you do. (If you do take this suggestion seriously, please pick a common populated area...I'd hate for something to happen.)</p>

<p>Good luck! :)</p>

<p>You don't necessarily have to be best friends with the people you live with, there are plenty other people at college to socialise with. I ended up hating the people I lived with last year (and at least yours actually talk to you and invite you!), but made friends in class, in clubs, at parties, on the stairs in the dorms...I even met my boyfriend of almost a year in a queue!
Pretty much everybody will be in the same boat, so don't feel weird at all about introducing youreslf to anyone. Almost everyone will be delighted that someone is talking to them, because loads of students will be feeling just as alone as you are. If you're worried that you don't have anything to talk about, think up some things in advance. There's always the basics - what's your name, where are you from, what are you studying. Personally, I like to throw in totally random questions, just to be a bit more memorable and interesting!</p>

<p>Amazing lifelong friendships aren't made overnight, so don't stop making the effort already! :)
Hope you feel better soon</p>

<p>you're name isnt Jack is it?</p>

<p>It's only the beginning of your first year, so it's too early to start panicking. You might be frustrated with all the nonspecific advice like "get involved", but you can't wait for people to feel sorry for you. Don't let your shyness discourage you from taking the initiative or worry about how you look.Otherwise, the time will just pass you by. Better to take care of things now than later. I'm in a worse situation because I lived at home my first two years and am moving on campus just now. By the way, is it still possible get into the college scene or will people not be as understanding of me for being inexperienced since I no longer have the excuse of being a freshman? Also, as an upperclassman, there are often competing pressures like finding internships and specializing in your major. It's no longer just straightforward useless busywork like studying for exams.</p>

<p>Play poker with some people!</p>

<p>It takes time..there are other people out there like you...dont worry too much...you will meet people...it's inevitable</p>

<p>Pretend that they do like you, and force yourself in</p>

<p>Poker is a great way to make friends and make friends hate the shyt out of u. LOL jk but not really.</p>

<p>Thanx for all of the replies :)<br>
I just assumed that starting college would be a huge change,because nobody knew me and I could start fresh,and just be outgoing. Unfortunately that was easier said than done. Everyone tells me...just start a convo..or just do this,but it really is not that easy. Someone who isn't shy can never know what it's like. I would do anything to change that about myself.
It's weird because I have always been shy,but I made friends really easy when i was younger,but around the time I hit high school it got worse. Now that I am in college,it's just horrible. I hate having to force myself to say things that don't interest me just to have stuff in common with people</p>

<p>You have lots of company. Check the CC archives for "shy" or "shyness" because there have been lots of threads on this subject.</p>

<p>Also check out the web page shyness.com</p>

<p>I'm having a hard time making male friends, all of the friends I've made so far are female. Which is weird because in HS I didn't have a lot of female friends. I don't see what the problem is.</p>

<p>fiddledd - tsk tsk. I'm sorry, but not everybody's not this 'outgoing' and these things are hard (or impossible pretty much ) for a shy person to achieve. I mean if a person can't even start a convo, how do you think they'll get the courage to run around in the hall and yell and invite ppl outside???</p>

<p>I'm not that shy but i am somewhat anti social so I would never ever to that. =_=</p>

<p>Uhm Don't panic. I felt the SAME way as you like a week ago. I've been in my college for like 3 weeks now... I felt miserable for the first week or two and finally kinda settled down now. It's not like i have 100s of friends but i do have some friends i can talk to freely now and hang around kinda. BUT I WAS MISERABLE FOR THE 1ST 2 WEEKS. I was so lonely and all that crap. (i also had HUGE mood swings during those times so it kinda varies... like i was all depressed for a moment and then i stopped caring to depressed again. weird)</p>

<p>So I would definately give it some time. Give it at least 3-4 weeks before you panic again. I thought college was gonna be totally different (like start fresh, party all the time, whatever.) Urhm no... Pretty same in the social aspect (unless you change your ownself) well i'm not a party gal so i never cared. ha</p>

<p>You had friends in high school right? that means you prob can make friends in college. Like I didn't have any friends my freshman yr in high school because all my friends went to another high school... and then i made some friends my sophomore year. One thing i regret is making whole bunch of friends my senior yr instead of my sophomore year... like why didn't i talk to them?? </p>

<p>Starting convo is hard, but just saying simple 'hi' can do it. I used to be shy (i think seriously i'm more anti social but... uh) but i realized just talking alittle can definately help. ^_^ Otherwise just find ppl on facebook. Surprisingly, facebook really does help... like this one guy i know.. i met him on CC actually and he said hi on my facebook and then he called me and we started hanging out together.</p>

<p>Don't freak out, just give it time. there are alot of shy ppl out there. ^_^ good luck!</p>

<p>A few thoughts from a mom.....even if you are uncomfortable starting conversations, make yourself approachable by having good eye contact and smiling, making it easy for others to approach you. Put yourself in areas/ activities that you enjoy in hopes of meeting others like you. What are your interests? make yourself join one or two activities. Look into the outing club which usually runs trips on weekends and you can go. I have two extravert Ds and a shy introvert S. As an extravert, I tend to assume all of this is easy and I have learned over the years that it is not. So I hear you. Give yourself a goal or two, not overwhelming or unreachable goals. You will investigate two clubs this weekend. Next week you will join one activity. You will sit in the cafe and try to talk to one person. Something like that. Good luck. Keep at it. Remember, this is not something that you will have to face just at college. You are not changing who you are but rather you are learning/practicing some life skills that will help you in your profession, in relationships and just in enjoying social events. You can do it!</p>

<p>Nessah, we all have fantasies about reinventing ourselves, but every morning, you wake up and its still you. In other words, you have to deal with who you are, and make the changes that are going to make your life work. I have always been shy too. People who I am friends with now, tell me stories about how (before we were friends)they thought I was stuck up, because I never said hello or talked to them. College is a good opportunity to make friends, because there are so many people in the same boat, so this is an important time to push yourself beyond your comfort zone. So try really hard to make yourself a part of things, act interested in what people are saying, smile at them, break into a conversation that is already going on that you overhear, add something to the mix, make a joke, or even just stand there until someone notices you -- don't just stay in your room. Pretty soon, you'll sort through the people whose conversations you have to pretend to be interested in, and find the people whose conversations you really are interested in!</p>