<p>it was on here, but I didn't want anyone to take ittt;) PM me!</p>
<p>THIS IS A FANTASTIC ESSAY.
which is why i advise you not to post it in public.
take it off of your post, and PM me, i'll give you a more detailed critique</p>
<p>how do I do that haha?</p>
<p>This is what I think. Don't take my opinion seriously, as I do not consider myself a good writer nor an expert in writing:
This is a gimmick approach and is not wholly original. I've seen it done before. It takes a really good writer to pull it off, and I don't think you did.
Your execution is okay, for the most part, but there were several things that could have been better. The wording could have been a bit more concise. Also, pink flamingo, lavender, and atomic tangerine sections focused a bit too much on the other people and not you (these colors were supposed to represent your personality, not other people in your life). The eye thing was a bit overdone and could have been said in fewer words.
The real problem with this essay, however, is that it is list-like and too generalized. There's no real unifying theme in the colors, and no real focus either. I believe that the crayola thing is a guise to make the list seem less list-like, but I think your approach backfired because of a lack of unity within the colors.
I think you should have gone the sincere route instead of the creative route. Overall, I don't think it's a good essay. Sorry if I make you sad or insecure. You don't have to listen to me and you're welcome to disagree.</p>
<p>An essay? Haha, you make me curious :D
One against and one through. So PM me and see which side is "heavier" :D</p>
<p>I'm curious as to how this essay is too haha. PM me if you want. Submitted all my apps already in case you're worried I'd steal.</p>
<p>BCMan, I've checked out the rest of your posts and it doesn't seem like you've had anything particularly nice to say to others. Thanks for the critique anywaysss</p>
<p>Looked at it before you deleted it. Are you a native? You seemed to have several grammatical errors that you should fix, if this essay can even have a shot.</p>
<p>Besides that, I actually agree with BCMan2013. Definitely trying to do something by portraying yourself in an unique way, but you weren't really successful. The way it was constructed makes it seen contrived rather than natural. Just my opinion.</p>
BCMan, I've checked out the rest of your posts and it doesn't seem like you've had anything particularly nice to say to others. Thanks for the critique anywaysss
<p>That's cause you haven't looked inside my other accounts (or my PM's, for that matter). I've been here five years now.</p>
<p>Now, I take personal offense to that statement. I personally said that my opinion was biased and that you have a right to disregard it. I don't personally attack people (I only critique other's works). However, I try to be realistic in my approach, and outline why I think an essay is good or not good. If you find any of my reasoning to be false or unreasonable, call me out on it.</p>
<p>Just said thanks for the critique... And that was my opinion. You may disregard it as well.</p>
<p>Ya, I was at first curious and looking forward to seeing something new and extraordinary, but the essay didn't touch me at all.</p>
<p>Well I like the first and the last paragraph of yours. I can see your personality in the first paragraph. However, I was disappointed when reading the rest: you hit on the same level at every color. You know, each one should have been different and deserved to accompany with each emotion and had each writing style. But you didn't do that. I couldn't imagine what was different between your L******* (I don't want to write it here) and your A***** ***********, for example. You only told me the story. You never told me how you felt, let alone expressed the particular emotion.</p>
<p>You may scold at me, just as you did to BCMan2013. That's just my personal opinion. Anyway I'm a harsh critic, so you still have the choices: Waiting for the others to make the balance (through vs against) or rewriting the essay. If you choose the 2nd, be sincere and express your true feeling.</p>
<p>i still think your essay is fantastic. but i do see what bcman and 12npm12 are saying here.
your introduction and conclusion was impeccable. absolutely loved it, and it will definitely bring yourself out and grab attention.
however, like i said in the critique i sent you, you lost focus during the middle paragraphs. it wasn't so poetic and graceful anymore, and u almost turned into a different writer. what you need to do is to make the examples more genuine, but perhaps a bit more intellectual. some of them make you look somewhat superficial, whereas the rest look like you're trying to place yourself above reality.
KEEP THE TONE. CONSISTENTLY.</p>
<p>I didn't get to see your essay before you took it down. PM me?</p>
<p>Can I read, too?
I already submitted my apps.</p>
<p>Can I read it too? I submitted my apps!</p>
<p>This has really piqued my curiosity, please PM! I've submitted all my apps.</p>
<p>I would like to read as well. I'm done all 15 of my schools xD. Please PM!</p>
<p>Could you PM me too? I've been done with apps for a while now.</p>
<p>Now I'm curious :)</p>
<p>Would you be willing to email it to me? I'll send you feedback if you would like me to! I'm already into school ED. My email is <a href="mailto:email@example.com">firstname.lastname@example.org</a> </p>
<p>That essay caused some paradoxal reactions! I'd love to read it. The only college's essay (Columbia's) I have yet to send is done. PM me!</p>