<p>Disclaimer: This has nothing to do with college admissions.</p>
<p>I’ve been having problems with my mom for a very long time now (a few years) and I legitimately think she just doesn’t care about me anymore. She’s called me “annoying” “stupid” and “■■■■■■■■” on numerous occasions. She drops the F-Bomb more times than I’d like to remember. Recently she’s stopped coming home at night (my grandma watches the baby when this happens. She’s not much better than my mother with the yelling. She’s called me a “lazy bum” “piece of *****” etc.) She’ll come home around 8 a.m., sleep until past noon and then go to work. and it repeats itself. </p>
<p>Let me tell you of the recent conflict:</p>
<p>Thursday: I came home from school with tons of homework and AP studying to do. I usually watch my baby sister. I asked my mom if she had a babysitter that day since I was so swamped (she had told me before that she did). She said no so I asked what happened. She went off. She stated yelling and said “and you people wonder why I don’t come home anymore”. I told her if she wasn’t going to treat me at least somewhat respectably then I wouldn’t watch the baby for her. After all, why would she want someone who’s “■■■■■■■■” watching her baby?</p>
<p>Friday: I came home and she was already at work. She didn’t come home that night.</p>
<p>Today: We have no food in the house. At all. I’m hungry. At 1:00 p.m., I try to wake her up and tell her we need food. She yells at me. She accuses me of saying things on Thursday that I did not say. Then she said one of the most hurtful things to me anyone has ever said, “If I don’t get out of here, I’ll be an alcoholic within months”. She basically said I’m driving her to drink. Am I that horrible? </p>
<p>My mom has never been this way before. I don’t know what to do. It’s impossible to have a discussion with her, it inevitably leads to yelling. She just can’t be reasoned with. She thinks she can do no wrong. She doesn’t care about my grades or anything, but I’m working my a** off to try and get a scholarship to college so that I can leave the house (without her support) and hopefully things will cool down after that. I’m only a Sophomore, though. </p>
<p>My dad isn’t in the picture. He lives in Maryland and doesn’t have a job. He lives with his mother and doesn’t answer half the time I try to call him to talk. I feel like I don’t have anything to look forward to or anyone who cares about me. </p>
<p>This is just a rant but please help me. I don’t know what to do. Sorry this was so long and I’m taking up so much of your time.</p>
<p>From reading your post, it is quite likely that your mom is suffering from a mental illness. Not that that excuses her behavior, but it would explain a lot, and NO, NONE OF THIS IS YOUR FAULT. Please find an adult (clergy person, school counselor?) that you can talk to. Maybe county social services. Call her doctor? Your baby sister is in danger, and you need to be able to move on in your life, attend college, whatever. You are an amazing and brave person, and you deserve a better situation. Please contact an adult you can trust. For today, can you put the baby in the stroller and go to the nearest church and ask for help? Good luck!</p>
<p>CIA, my heart breaks as I read this.Talk to your school counselor and your teachers. I am impressed that you are taking AP classes as a sophomore!
I agree about talking to someone at social services. They might be able to organize home visits and occasional babysitting at little cost. Or you could try to advertise for some students to come and baby-sit; it would get you peace of mind to know that this was taken care of instead of depending on the unreliable promises made by your mom.
Your mom also need to be seen by a doctor or someone from social services. Her behavior is erratic. It does sound like your mom is overwhelmed. Perhaps she has some kind of mental illness, perhaps it’s something else.
Finally, don’t feel that you’re taking too much of our time. This is what CC is for. Best of luck to you!</p>
<p>OMG. I am so sorry you are in this position. Your mom is verbally abusing you. No, it is not your fault. She may already be an alcoholic. No, it is not your fault.</p>
<p>I don’t know what the answer is, but I think talking to someone IRL about what you are going through is a good place to start. There may be a support group you can join. Don’t give up on your dreams. I wish you the best!</p>
<p>I agree with sopranomom. Put the baby in a stroller and get out of there. Do you have any friends whose parents could help? Or at least feed the two of you?</p>
<p>This is heartbreaking to read. Please do not blame yourself for this situation. Your mother sounds like she needs help to cope with her life; perhaps the worries about work, finances and her exhaustion are stressing her out and unfortunately it seems as if her mother is not there for her much like yours is not there for you. It is not fair to you and in an ideal world you would not have to go through all this. Is there anyone else in the family you can speak to? Is she staying away from home because of conflicts with her mother? Ask her in a quiet moment what you can do to help her; I know you are doing a lot already by babysitting but perhaps you could suggest she leaves the baby with a childminder and you could help by doing things around the house. This would give you time to study but it would help her so she doesn’t have to do everthing herself when she comes home.</p>
<p>^^^^Nonsense. You’re doing more than any 15-year-old should be asked to do.</p>
<p>Get thee to some sort of counselor. Your mother is not normal, and – as others have already said – this is not your fault. Also, it has nothing to do with you. Your mother is “damaged” in some way and can’t also take care of you (much less your sister).</p>
<p>What is happening to you is not your fault. You do need to ask for help for anything to change. You should call child protective services and tell them you and your baby sister need to be placed in a foster home, because you do! You may consider what doing what another HS student in Minn. did- he emailed a plea for foster parents in the same school district when his mother was no longer mentally able to care for him, [ due to head injuries suffered in a car accident] But this situation is not healthy for either you or your sister[ no food!!], and you can’t afford to wait in hopes that it will change for the better.</p>
<p>menloparkmom is exactly correct. Call child protective services. Today. Also, with your record of being an excellent student, talk to a favorite teacher. She will help you for sure, maybe even help you find a place to stay so that you can stay in your school. Good luck. We are thinking of you.</p>
<p>CIA, you need to get help ASAP. Your mother is not all right and you and your baby brother/sister are suffering. This is NOT the kind of home that your sibling needs to grow up in and especially a baby needs lots of care and nurturing. </p>
<p>Talk to your counselor/ school social worker ASAP. You should NOT go through this alone and should not go through this at all. </p>
<p>Good luck, you are smart enough and mature enough to make it through this. I will be thinking of you and sending good wishes your way.</p>
<p>I hope you are in a better situation today. I has to stink having to reach out and ask for help, but you have to. If you have no one else talk to talk to someone at your school, any adult there. They should know who to put you in contact with. As others have said, your Mother needs help. She may be overwhelmed, depressed, whatever and doesn’t know where to turn for help. If you are embarassed to ask others for help for yourself think of your baby sister. (I hate to guilt you) </p>
<p>I hope it works out for you and your family. I am thinking of you.</p>
<p>CIA-I am glad you felt you could reach out to us. Ideas shared on this site mirror mine. We know you care about your mother, and your baby sibling. You are wise beyond your years, and I know you can deal with this.
Give yourself permission to reach out to an adult you feel safe with. They can walk you through this process of contacting child protective services, and seek out others who can help with food, and child care.
Please know we care about you, and believe in you.
~APOL-a mom</p>
<p>I agree with everyone else that your mother sounds as if she is suffering from mental illness and that this is not your fault.</p>
<p>But I would first go to the guidance department at your school or to the social service provider/counselor there. I would not contact CPS and ask to be in foster care. There may be steps that the state can take to help your mother cope short of removing you and your sister from your home: mental health referrals, home visits, etc. At least in our state, DHS tries to keep families together if possible. The foster system is very unlikely to place you and your sister together, especially given the disparity in your ages. They are also likely to place you in another school district, unless there happens to be a pre-qualified foster home available in yours, which in many locations is unlikely. The emphasis in foster care is family reunification, which often means that you must leave a foster home where you may be happy and try living with your mother again, and if that doesn’t work out, the foster family you were with will probably have someone else in place and you will be sent to a different one, and around and around. It is not something to undertake unless there is no other choice, although if you are lucky and end up in a stable and compatible foster home it can be a good solution. Another solution is placement in a group home for teens, but that also would also not include your sister. It may also be that the other teens are more like your mother than they are like you, which wouldn’t help much.</p>
<p>I have an adult friend who grew up in foster care because of the mental illness of his mother, and it was no picnic. </p>
<p>Be aware that if you talk to a CG or counselor and report abuse, at least of some kinds, they are legally required to report it. But perhaps you can talk to them and get some idea of your options. They will know what resources there are for teens in your area.</p>
<p>You also might see if you can find a meeting of the group Alateen, which is for the teenaged children of alcoholics.</p>
<p>I know there are some posters on this board who work in social services for teens, and perhaps they will be able to give you some expert advice.</p>
<p>You are a great kid. Don’t hesitate to ask us for help or use this as a place to vent.</p>
<p>One other thought: You may want to do something sooner rather than later. Although foster care may not be the best thing in the world, it will help you to be “independent” for FASFA purposes:</p>