I hate it when people assume that my asian parents can give emotional support

[InquisitiveOne]

<p>The only emotion they really can feel is anger.</p>

<p>Honestly I have to be nice to them whenever possible, but they sure as hell won't even try to understand why I'm upset, where I'm coming from, or comfort me. They'll just criticize me.</p>

<p>They can give me things, yes. But they won't ever comfort me. Plus they're cheapskates so they choose the cheapest insurance possible and don't even want to pay for counseling.</p>

<p>My only emotional support comes from internet friends on the other side of the coast.</p>

[Wartsandall]

<p>
[quote]
The only emotion they really can feel is anger.

[/quote]
</p>

<p>I doubt that. Have you attempted to converse with them or with your friends in an effort to elaborate on your conflicts and concerns? I think that you should maintain a realistic mindset in acknowledging that you might be obligated to seek assistance as opposed to expecting others to come to you.</p>

[mintleif]

<p><em>Hug</em> It's ok. I kinda know where you're coming from, hang in there. ;) :)</p>

[InquisitiveOne]

<p>
[quote]
Have you attempted to converse with them or with your friends in an effort to elaborate on your conflicts and concerns?

[/quote]
</p>

<p>I do but they always blame my character problems. even though I have improved in many ways (and I am trying to think of all sorts of ways to improve). They suggest ways to "fix" my character problems (the same ways over and over again). But when I'm hurt, I want to be comforted first and foremost, not lectured. They don't try to comfort me; they lecture me instead.</p>

<p>==</p>

<p>aww thanks mintleif. i appreciated that.</p>

[shocker]

<p>Your just ragging on your parents. lol. Asian parents are hard to deal with! I say just talk to them about how you feel without yelling, whatever you try to avoid yelling. If they don't understand, then I would say seek comfort from your friends and ignore criticize. I'm asian myself and I just ignore their criticize and no matter how many times they say it.</p>

<p>Is it really that bad that you need counseling?</p>

<p>Hang in there, it'll be okay.</p>

[mintleif]

<p>^^ You're welcome. :)</p>

[waitingforivy]

<p>Honestly, I feel for you. A huuge part of it is the culture. Just try to think that the reason they can be angry about school or grades or friends is because that is their convoluted way of showing love. They want you to succeed and be happy, but may have a different or narrow idea of how that happens. But I agree, they're not going to be sources of emotional support. While my Asian parents greatly support me in school, tears are a sign of weakness and so is any emotion other than competitiveness. You're supposed to take what life gives you and run with it, without feeling bad. Hang in there, because so many of us have to.</p>

<p>Shocker has some really great points. I have different ideas than my parents, and just try to balance them as well as possible. It's actually gotten MUCH easier as I've become older. PM me if you have any other questions.</p>

[everary]

<p>
[quote]
Just try to think that the reason they can be angry about school or grades or friends is because that is their convoluted way of showing love.

[/quote]
That may or may not be true, but I laughed out loud at this.</p>

[randomazn14]

<p>Uh, why would you want your parents to show you love? Obviously if they've taken the pains to keep you in good shape for, like, 17-ish years and care enough about you to nitpick flaw they feel will be detrimental to you later on in life, they love you. It's just tough luck that you've landed with parents who don't EVER express that in any non-annoying ways. But still lol.</p>

<p>Of course, if you're a huggy-kissy-sickly-sweet kind of person, well...:/</p>

[everary]

<p>A lot of Asian kids feel as if it's unfair that Asian parents get mad at their 5 As and 1 B considering that the student is likely already disappointed with him/herself. Not so much a want of love as a want of lack of anger...few people really care about the sickly-sweet etc.</p>

[Pro28]

<p>man up. you'll have to deal with for like, 2 more years. max.</p>

[PlattsburghLoser]

<p>I'll happily switch with you. People and their emotions freak me out. And my mother's boyfriend is constantly crying. He cried last year, why are you crying again?
Anger is acceptable.</p>

[waitingforivy]

<p>Not a show of love exactly, but a sign they care about you. It's better than them not caring at all if you fail out of high school and become a homeless begger. </p>

<p>Basically, if I'm disappointed in myself about something, I want to hear "It's ok, try again next time", not "Look at this! Are you stupid?". It depends on how self-motivated the kid is, and how they would percieve a situation. And, I'm sorry, but it's not only 2 years. They're your parents. You have to deal with them, at least a little bit, for a while long.</p>