<p>I really hate my parents. I live in the dorm so I dont even see them that often but they make me so angry whenever I call home.
I hate my mom as a person. I hate my dad as a person. They dont deserve my respect at all. I even told them that I will never become like them and I would rather be a single forever than marry a man like my dad.
I get along with my peers and my brother really well but I always have conflicts with my parents. They put me down all the time, emphasize my weaknesses and compare me to others. My mom teaches me not to trust in other people and just think about my benefit, but also tells me at the same time that I should always try to be positive and dont complain _ how Ironic. When I was younger, when our relatives all gather together , and there were girls that are my age, my mom would tell me stuff like “you will never be able to beat them in anything . see how they are …etc and make me hate those girls for no reason” I admit that i’ve never been a good daughter. They hurt me and I hurt them back. I try to defend myself by hurting them more than I am hurt. I really get along well with others at school and even hold leadership positions at school. My parents say I am faking whenver i am nice to people because im not nice to them. I am not faking when I am nice to people , i feel good about myself. Today, over the phone, they told me that our relationship as family would be over if i dont get in to good college because they had to support me al the way till now even though I was a Big Bxtch. I wrote about how much I hated them in the email and erased more than 10 times today. I didnt sent it at the end, just in case I might regret saying that in the future. I used to think I have so much trouble with my apresnt because i am going through adolescence and everything will soon pass but now I am 18 years old, I am legally an adult and I hate them more and more as i get older.
My mom just wants too much. I am an A student at school and to her I am a F student.
I’ve been on high honor list throughout all my high school years and have decent SAT scores and aiming for reach schools
She used to tell me that I wroth a Rug, trash and etc. and I used to be really hurt.
I havent got used to her calling me stuff like that even tho I been going trhough it oever 10 years. Onetime my dad got upset because I wasnt grateful about what they do for me and I was just being rude so he beat me up with an umbrella until my body was all bruised and bleeding and then he dragged me into the police office and told them that I am not his kid so they can do whatever they want with me.
One time, we were watching a show about a kid who killed him self and my mom just said for me to listen " I would not even be sad if i was that kid’s mother. I would be mad that i put all my money in to that kid and the kid is not grateful for it and just killed himself."
I am so happy that they have enough money to send me to the boarding school. I’ve never been happy at home. Teachers and friends here like me alot but I always feel that I am incomplete because of my relationship with my family. just complaining here becaues i can tell nobody about this . I am a good friend and a good student and a good leader and noone would ever have imagined that my family relationship is messed up like this</p>
<p>Hang in there. Graduate hs and college. Then goodbye Toxic Parents. You cannot ever expect your parents to be proud of you or be the family of your dreams. Be happy you have friends and teachers who realize your value and worth. Lots of people succeed without supportive parents- your revenge will be a happy, productive life -away from them. Talk to your school’s counselor if you feel that will help. Keep your cool when you go home for the school breaks. Stop acting out, it only reinforces their opinion of you, an ungrateful child. Good Luck.</p>
<p>I’m sorry you’ve had such a rough time. You’re a senior in high school? The best thing you can do now is to focus on your classes and getting into college. You have a lot going for you. Thank your parents for paying for your boarding school–tell them how much you like it there, your friends, the teachers, etc. Trying to get back at them by being mean won’t help the relationship.
You may never get any positive feedback from them, but don’t add to the meanness. (I’d suggest family counseling, but I doubt your parents would try it. You should talk to a counselor at school).</p>
<p>You made the right decision not sending an email saying “I hate you” to your parents. I think you realize that won’t help. If your parents verbally abuse you on the phone, just say you “have to go now” and hang up.</p>
<p>Try to avoid the abuse by spending holidays or summers away from home if possible.</p>
<p>I agree w/ B. above…hang in there. It’s good to unleash some of your strong emotions, but hopefully you’ll find a supportive friend who can also give a listen too. (write them emails is good, BUT never, ever send them, as you just did.) </p>
<p>But, the one part I disagree with is saying tah-tah to your parents. I hold out faith that there’a good relationship in there, somewhere. We can’t make people be something they are not, and that includes what you’re hoping for or wishing for in your parents. </p>
<p>They are still your parents. However long that takes to make it right, please remember that you’re part of that relationship. Don’t reinforce that negativity. Best of luck w/ it all.</p>
<p>I’m sorry. Bite your tongue as best you can. Look at your teachers and friends as “family” and try to detach from unhealthy relationships. Words can only affect you if you let them. However, if you are being physically abused, I would not come home if you can avoid it. If you have good friends, surely you can trust someone with whom to share your story in a more personal way.</p>
<p>Good advice from previous posters. I would also like to add that talking to a counselor might also help you deal with the anger and resentment you feel. Help yourself by learning how to turn negative energy into positive energy. Good luck to you!</p>
<p>I agree that it’s time to see a counselor to talk through your feelings.
Are you getting enough rest? Sometimes when people get tired, issues that are normally manageable seem overwhelming.
There is no point in sending hurtful e-mails or saying hurtful things. You are responsible for your own behavior and you will feel much better about everything if you get a good night’s sleep, eat a healthy breakfast, study and take care of yourself.</p>
<p>Do you go to Cornell?</p>
<p>are your parents paying for any of your college costs?</p>
<p>If not, why do you still have to be in comtact with them?</p>
<p>If they have really beaten you with an umbrella, they should be reported to the police.</p>
<p>You should definitely pursue counseling because although you can arrange to never see them again at some point, sadly, you take them with you as well as the feelings in you they engendered. You need to work those things through.</p>
<p>Does it help at all to know they are mentally ill? They may not know it, but they are because those behaviors are not normal or healthy.</p>
<p>Of course you are angry, but someday you may get strong enough to pity them.</p>
<p>Good luck.</p>
<p>BTW: I had to graduate HS after my junior year to get away from my parents and physical abuse. I was planning on applying to Yale for their first co-ed class, but instead I went to state U and paid for it all myself.</p>
<p>Also I sometimes regret my lost opportunities, I must say that I did become my own person.</p>
<p>I am extremely kind to my 85 year old mother because she is all alone and can’t understand what she did to me. It’s pointless for me to expect that, and I don’t want to regret my own feelings or think I made an old woman suffer.</p>
<p>I couldn’t have felt this way at your age, but I have grown into it.</p>
<p>Sadly, the need for parental love never goes away, and that’s what counseling can really help you deal with.</p>
<p>She’s in boarding school and would like to go to Cornell. International student, according to one of her other posts.</p>
<p>Perhaps finding a college with excellent merit aid would be the way to go here, so that the OP doesn’t have to rely on people she hates, and doesn’t compromise her integrity by using them for their money.</p>
<p>My parents were not as bad as yours, but they were pretty bad. I left for a cheap state college I could work my own way through (like mythmom) and saw very little of them after that.</p>
<p>You have had to be very strong to endure your parents all these years. They owe you paying for college, so don’t fan the flames, just deal with them as little as possible, step out of the way when you feel an anger response coming on, and play the game until you finish college and then to hell with them.</p>
<p>^^^</p>
<p>I agree with the above…It sounds like they have a lot of money. Go to the best college you can get accepted to (far away if possible); they owe you this.</p>
<p>If you go away to a top college and graduate you’ll serve 2 purposes…</p>
<p>1) it will be a firm “in your face” that you’re not some failure.</p>
<p>2) You’ll have minimal reason to have contact with them…just occasional phone calls and such.</p>
<p>And, as 'rent says…after college, to hell with them!</p>
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<p>No, they don’t. As the OP says, she’s legally an adult. The parental obligation stopped when she turned 18. If she wishes to be done with her parents, she certainly can be, but then, she has to do the adult thing and take responsibility for her actions, and that responsibility includes paying for those actions.</p>
<p>I know many parents think they DO have an obligation to pay for college for their own offspring, but other people are of a different opinion, and parents who don’t feel that way may be quite hurt when they go above and beyond what they see as their call of duty only to find out later their (adult) kid was using them for their dough.</p>
<p>(I went to boarding school, too, and the notion that people who send their kids to boarding school “have a lot of money” just doesn’t hold water. There are many kids in boarding schools because there are no American/Canadian/whatever schooling options where the family lives; expats have to educate their children, too, you know.)</p>
<p>Having had first-hand knowledge at the difference between a teenager’s perception of events and an adult’s, I don’t know that I’d be quite so quick to endorse slamming the door here. Maybe her parents really are as bad as she thinks they are; I have to wonder what the parental side of the story is, though.</p>
<p>The counseling suggestion strikes me as an excellent one, and I hope the OP pursues it for herself, and asks her parents to go to family counseling as well.</p>
<p>
I so agree.<br>
Please try and get counseling. There must be someone at your boarding school with whom you can talk.
There are a lot of pressures senior year - for the first time you have no idea where you will be next year. It only gets worse until your acceptances come in. Your stats (from another post) look good - you should get into a “good school”, whatever that means.
anyway - get through school. Once you are out of college, you can decide how much you want your parents in your life.</p>
<p>I worked with a guy who used to say, “I used to spend holidays with my family. Now I spend them with my loved ones.” He had a terrible childhood and as an adult had nothing to do with his parents. He died very unexpectedly in his sleep and the age of 42 and it was fascinating to find out that a week before his death, he had gone to visit his parents for the first time in years.</p>
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<p>When you’re a little older, you can kill two birds with one stone (and I don’t mean your parents). You can carefully find and marry a man who is (1) unlike your father and (2) has a big, loving, accepting family. Then you’ll have a great husband and the family you wish you had, along with the option never to see your parents again without feeling as though you’re alone in the world.</p>
<p>And always remember to love and cherish your own children, when you have them.</p>
<p>Good luck to you. Deep breaths, positive thoughts.</p>
<p>I don’t understand the part about your father taking you to the police station. If you were bruised and bleeding, why wasn’t he arrested, or child protection services called? And if he was abandoning you, or seeming to, why weren’t child protection services called? Did this occur outside the US?</p>
<p>Many of us had backgrounds like this, it seems. I got into two Ivy League colleges in 1969, but didn’t go to college at all, so that I would not depend on my parents. I got a job in a cafeteria and served the students I should have been in college with.</p>
<p>I do not recommend that path. If you can stand to be dependent financially on them for a few more years, your reward will be much clearer, stronger (and quicker) independence in the long run than if you don’t develop your talents.</p>
<p>That said, and I think others will join me in this, life does have a way of working out, if you stay on the path, so to speak. Mine did, despite that year in the cafeteria.</p>
<p>Also, I agree with mythmom that at the end of your parents’ lives, after many years have gone by, you may be able to see your parents as disabled in some way, and you may be able to see them, on your own terms at least, in a forgiving (if not forgetting) way.</p>
<p>It would be good to get counseling, as everyone has said. It seems as if you are sort of living a double life, or have a divided sense of self, in some ways. Also, I think there is a tendency to compensate for the negative home-life by doing things that keep your self-esteem up, which can sometimes mean you are still motivated by a desire to prove something to them. This can last decades of course, but it is good to explore.</p>
<p>She is an international student. What she is describing of what her mother has said about other girls, maybe mean, but it could be because of cultural and language translation. People just need to watch Joy Luck Club to see different parent/child intereaction. We may think it’s outrageous (something you would never say or do to your daughter), but it could be the norm. I have met a lot of underaged international students here, I can’t say many of them have good relationships with their parents. A lot of it has to do with the fact that they don’t understand why their parents at home do not behave the same way as American parents. From watching TV and interacting with their friends here, they think American parents treat their kids with equality and respect, give their kids a lot of freedom. I used to think every American family was like Brandy Bunch - in half an hour every family problem could be worked out by talking and hugging.</p>
<p>Not to excuse anything the OP’s parents have done, not the verbal abuse and certainly not the physical abuse. But someone ought to say – and no one has yet – that there is every possibility that these parents are immensely proud of their daughter (as they should be), and that they love her with all their hearts. </p>
<p>From a cultural standpoint, from their own upbringing, they may feel that the best thing they can do for her is to keep the pressure on, to force her to do better and better, to demand the moon of her, both in terms of achievement and in terms of filial piety. It’s likely that they are aware that American attitudes are different, and that they fear that their daughter will be infected by what they see as a culture of laziness and disrespect. So they redouble their efforts when they can to counteract that. With predictably bad results all around.</p>
<p>It may help the OP to remember that her parents are not all-powerful evil gods. They are human beings who are probably trying to do the right thing, who are probably not certain that they are making the right choices, who are scared and panicked and weak sometimes. Who love her, and are showing it exactly the way their parents showed love to them. As an experiment – what’s to lose? things can’t get much worse – the OP may want to try treating her parents as if they were THOSE people, who need her help, love, and reassurance, and not the hateful, unreasonable parents she deals with now.</p>
<p>It is very unclear why to continue hateful relationship. If one hates others, one needs to stop having any relationsship with them. The fact that relationship continues tells me that love is a stronger feeling here than any others.</p>