Hello everyone, I know you might have heard variations of this story but I want to tell mine I guess. I’m a freshman at UC Davis as a bio major. As a senior in high school I chose this school solely for prestige (I was excited to get in back then) and my major because my parents wanted me to go the pre-med route and I didn’t want to disappoint them. Now, only a few weeks in, I am regretting both choices.
I didn’t think I’d make it into Davis because I’ve only been averagely smart, and I think the only reason I excelled in high school was that I had a lot of time for harder classes, which I usually had only 2 a year. Now in college I’m surrounded by people not only smarter than me, but people more passionate about their futures and more ambitious than me, so I feel super inferior and behind. I also have like 3 hard classes I can barely keep up with and I don’t have the time I had before. The class sizes are way too big and the only classes I like are the smaller ones, which there are only so little of. I have no motivation besides fear because I’m not interested in my classes, and the more I have this existential crisis the more I can’t see myself working in the health field: I’m scared of blood and I don’t really like science. I hate the quarter system and the way some professors make it so that only some students can achieve certain grades, and I feel so alone seeing all these students around me being so passionate, smart, and excited while I feel empty inside.
I know we are in a time of COVID, so I haven’t even really been on campus, but honestly I’m a little glad because of it. I’m scared of moving away from home because I’ve always had trouble making friends and I really want to stay near my loved ones. I feel like maybe I’m not giving Davis a chance because I haven’t been through the entire experience but also I hate it. I don’t feel smart enough for this school and the weeder classes are being very successful at weeding me out.
I want to switch to accounting but my school doesn’t have an accounting major, so I want to transfer to my local state college that has a semester system. It is closer to home, has a semester system, is smaller, and has the major I want.
My parents want me to tough it out for the rest of the year, but I’m afraid of ruining my GPA. I’m suddenly struck that prestige maybe isn’t everything (especially when I feel I’m not smart enough for it) and everyone has their own path, but also I don’t want to be a disappointment to my family.
What should I do? Please help. I’ve been feeling so much anxiety and depression recently like never before and I don’t want to keep suffering this.