I have no clue if I pissed off a friend of mine or not, no clue what to do now

College Confidential Community
1

tldr: I wanted to help my friend out financially, he might have gotten pissed off and won’t talk to me

Not too long ago I sat down with a friend of mine to discuss plans for our futures. Eventually, we brought up college debts that would pile up when we graduated. He basically had no clue what the heck he was going to do, we’re both engineering majors, not finance/business and also he figured we were just sophomores so he didn’t think about it.

Well, earlier that year I’d learned the significance of finances from another friend and I drew out my financial plans for the next few years in order to keep nice and secure. I offered to help him out with his so we booked a time to sit down for about an hour where we could discuss this with another friend of mine (a graduating business/engineering major who took finance classes) who helped me plan it out in the first place.

10 minutes later, I get a text saying “no I’m not interested”. I call him immediately but get hung up on and he says via text: “so I talked with ‘x’ (I’ll just say ‘x’ is someone whom we both knew but I don’t know him particularly well) and he thinks you’re a dumbass with a plan like that. Says I’ll just waste time and lose money anyway if I try your idea”

I asked why and he says “I mean really man? Sorry but I don’t think that you can really do something like this yourself, especially as a sophmore”

I told him that’s why I wanted to sit down with him tomorrow with my other friend who helped me plan it out (He’s a graduating senior who’s almost accumulated enough to pay off his college debts, I’ve known him for close to a year now and I’m pretty dang sure he knows what he’s doing). His response was “how do I know this guy’s legit? Where did he get this kind of money? Did he scam people for it?”. My response was basically “well, how do you know he’s not legit? What’s your proof if you’ve never met the guy? Also, how are 'x’s finances now?”

So, in the end he just said he wasn’t showing tomorrow, since it was over text instead of phone (which I would’ve preferred) I couldn’t tell how spiteful or mad he really was. My next message was basically “Look man, I’m just trying to help you not shoot yourself in the foot here. You’re my friend and I’m just trying to help and I thought you trusted me enough to let me help you”

“Thank you for the opportunity, but no thank you” was his last response. Haven’t heard from him since.

Well, I’ve got no clue what the heck to do now. Trying to help him aside, I’m worried he’s pissed off as hell with me. Sure, he wasn’t my BEST friend, but he was still a good friend.

2

My advice, drop it. He doesn’t sound mad, just suspicious.

But maybe he is helping you…is this senior doing day trading? Is he investing in some business and wants you to as well? He’s right to be suspicious. Be careful.

3

Are you trying to sign him up for Multi-Level Marketing or something?

4

None of these at all. Im just speaking with him about spending habits and managing our co-op pay. That’s it, I’m not into multi level marketing. Not to mention I’ve known this senior for a while, he’s not into something suspicious as far as I know

5

Well, I do think he is pretty mad. My suggestion of setting up a savings account and dumping his “beer money” in to it seems to offend him, as does my suggestion of expanding his co op search

6

He doesn’t want your help, so drop it.

7

Well thing is, I’ve dropped the subject already, he just seems so offended by everything now. Couldn’t even take notes in class without getting snickered at by him and his other friends and harassed after. Man at this point in convinced he’s a bad friend

8

Maybe he is. You will find in life people will signal you when you should walk away. Unfortunately, we ignore that and put ourselves through drama. Just walk away. There will be better friends who don’t snicker behind your back…

9

Engineering majors generally get jobs to pay off their student loans like everybody else. Except I think they’re generally more successful than students in a lot of other majors. If you’re both already getting paid for co-ops as sophomores, it doesn’t sound like you’re going to have financial problems.

Why can’t you just tell him what you’re doing? You’re college students. I don’t think you have too many options to save money except work more, spend less, and not take on too much debt. Why did you have to “book” a special appointment with a college senior? Why would you even need to be involved in a private discussion about your friend’s finances?

What were you suggesting that made him feel like it would risk the money he was trying to save?

This sounds like typical salesman talk. Why not just tell him what your ideas are? Why does it have to be in a sit-down meeting with this college senior? How has this senior accumulated money to pay off nearly all his college debt while in school?

Again, salesman talk. Answering questions with questions, and challenging ones at that. His friend can’t have valid points unless his finances meet your approval? Why didn’t you just answer his questions?

More sales talk. Why are you so interested in helping him? What are you, and this other college student, getting out of it? How is he “shooting himself in the foot” (missing out on the deal of a lifetime, perhaps?) by not getting involved in whatever you’re doing? “I thought you trusted me…” … that’s an interesting phrase. What, exactly, are you asking him to trust in you to do?

You don’t need a special meeting to suggest to a fellow underclassman that he buy used books or cut back on his drinking so he can save money for next year’s tuition. Maybe he doesn’t need your help managing his co-op pay. Maybe he wants to consult an accountant who’s been in the business for awhile. Even if this senior could help him, why is it so important that YOU be there? Is this senior trying to drum up business at the school? Does he want to manage other students’ money? What do you get out of it? I hope none of the underclassmen get involved in whatever you and your friend are doing.

If your friend isn’t interested in whatever it is, it’s a good thing you’re leaving him alone. Maybe he’s acting offended because he was offended by your approach. Maybe you should apologize and listen to what his concerns are. You may learn something. If you have your own money involved in something, I hope you run the idea past your parents so they can advise you. They’ll be able to help you work through college debt much better than a 22-year-old who hasn’t even graduated yet. If your current school is that unaffordable, you may want to ask your parents to help you find something more affordable.

10

Maybe the way I worded things sounded very “salesy” to him which I didn’t mean and maybe it did in my post as well. But quite frankly, all these “marketing” or “business” posts are really not helping because this is simply not the case.

Regardless, I met him in person just now and gave a sincere apology addressing what you said which he responded with by throwing a crushed beer can at me and telling me to leave or he’d “throw something heavier next time”

He was just a friend I didn’t want to struggle with his incoming debts about, especially when he brought it up in conversation and I knew things. I told him exactly what I was doing which is simply reviewing my income vs spending. I answered his questions when we met in person I merely told him, “hey lets meet up again with another friend, he can probably help you more than me.”

As for the trust issue. Well I say that because we worked on projects before in the past. I thought he trusted me enough because HE brought up his own debts to me in the conversation. But then he didn’t trust me to help him in his situation. “shooting himself in the foot”, you have a point about. Probably sounded hella salesy when I was trying to get a point across.

Regardless, I guess this is just a learning lesson for me about choosing friends and probably wording.

11

Unless you are willing to finance his education, IT IS NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS. You need to apologize for sticking your nose where it doesn’t belong. He doesn’t want your help. Period.

12

I don’t want anything to do with him anymore period. He showed up to class yesterday drunk as hell and cursed at me in front of the professor and all the students. I calmly and politely apologized to him days ago and he rather violently didn’t accept.
If he just got mad over a little spout, then ok fine. But now he’s actively gone out of his way to harass and bother me. Signs of a bad friend

13

This sounds unbelievably dramatic. Starting to wonder if the OP is pulling a few legs.