<p>So like I’ve mentioned previously, I’ll be applying as an International student as it looks as if my Green Card might not arrive anytime soon.</p>
<p>The whole college search process has been incredibly depressing for me - like actual medical depression. The whole thing has been a sort of vicious cycle. Depression leading to poor grades and the grades reinforcing the depression. I don’t even get in-state tuition at State U so I’m looking at ponying up at least 35,000+ dollars (at the very minimum). The places that are need blind for Internationals are completely out of reach for me. I can’t even apply Early to schools. I just don’t even know the point is anymore. I just wish I had the balls to drop out of the Magnet program I’m in Sophomore Year. I realized I couldn’t handle it first quarter but the Coordinators eventually talked me into staying. Maybe taking Honors classes and cherry picking AP this year would’ve been good for the GPA.</p>
<p>It’s just freaking awesome. I’ve been doing really well for about 3 weeks, but last week I’ve been looking into prospective colleges and…bam…depression.</p>
<p>And on the top of that, I have constantly quarreling parents who make me feel guilty by doing the whole “we’ve pinned all our hopes on you” crap.</p>
<p>:( :(</p>
<p>I hate my life :(</p>
<p>I’m gonna see my therapist tomorrow and hope it helps, we were talking about medication in the last session…but I dunno, I seemed pretty happy for those 3 weeks so I don’t know what she’s gonna say.</p>
<p>My grades get worse every quarter (along with the depression)…at this rate , I don’t think I’ll even get a cumulative average of 3.0 by Senior Year…and worst of it all, most people at school seem to think I’m some ridiculously brainy kid who’ll end up at Harvard or Stanford >.< It’s great to know what I’m such a big disappointment to everyone.</p>
<p>I know there are worse things happening to others in life and I probably should be more thankful that I have food and shelter and whatnot, but it’s just really tough :(</p>
<p>Sorry, I just need a place to rant >.< I still have a year to go before I apply, but I don’t even know if there’s any place I could get into that’s moderately respectful and relatively cheap…turns out the local community college doesn’t have Econ as a major</p>
<p>As Emmylou Harris says,
“One thing they dont’ tell you 'bout the blues when you got ‘em, you keep on fallin’ cause there ain’t no bottom”</p>
<p>Remember that depression is an illness. Illnesses have symptoms. The despair, the hoplessness–those are symptoms. They are not facts. They are symptoms like a sore throat or an earache or a runny nose, but they’re harder to deal with because they are going on in your head instead of externally. Do not try to evaluate your life or your future in this state because you’re just going to see the bleakest picture. It really helped me when I was in that state to remind myself that those feelings are symptoms; they are not facts, they are feelings. You have plenty of time to sort out the college stuff. I know it doesn’t feel like it; but you really do. Right now you need to be kinder to yourself. You need to treat yourself with the same care you would if a doctor told you that you have a physical illness. In your current state you’re not going to be able to solve those problems, so the first step is to heal. It’s hard, but it will all be there when you are well. Put it aside, and concentrate on caring for yourself mentally.</p>
<p>I’m sorry that your parents aren’t a better source of support. As Anne Lamott said of her mother,“She did the best she could do, it’s just that her best was awful.” </p>
<p>Also, and this will sound mean, but my son went to high school with some kids that were dumber than dirt, and they’re all in decent schools, so you’ll be fine.</p>
<p>If your green card is coming and will be a little too late, apply and take a deferral and gap year it, begin school when the price is more reasonable!</p>
<p>A year off might give you a fresh perspective.</p>
<p>A year that includes some community service might both help you build your mood up (doing good helps you feel good) and help you relax (maybe you would eventually appreciate that you had a year away from grades, papers, and tests).</p>
<p>When might that Green Card come?</p>
<p>and what state do you live in?</p>
<p>maybe between all of us parents we can come up with a helpful idea.</p>
<p>I live in Maryland, I dunno how my parents would feel about a Gap Year. They’re already incredibly ****ed that I’m not going into Medicine or Engineering (Planning an Econ or a Poli Sci major, most likely Econ cause it’s more practical. They don’t like Law either).</p>
<p>If you’re familiar with the Green Card process, we’re waiting on the Visa Numbers (essentially a slot to open up) and the dates being processed right now are October 2001 (Our “date” is something like April 2007 - the date the Labor Certification got approved)</p>
<p>Your dad is wrong. Depression can happen to anyone; it doesn’t say anything about your character or your “freakiness” (though I don’t see much wrong with being a “freak” :)). And the good news is that if you find the right medication or therapy approach, it can feel like a whole different world.</p>
<p>People have already made good suggestions about possibly taking a gap year if that will make the difference between green card and no green card. Just remember that the college you go to doesn’t say anything about how smart you are or what your future will look like! Your classmates (and many people on this board) may have the mistaken impression that Harvard and Stanford are where all the best and brightest go, but I know plenty of idiots in the Ivy League, and plenty of brilliant people at state schools.</p>
<p>You’re not doomed; far from it. With some problem solving, confidence, and perhaps an SSRI, this will turn out okay.</p>
<p>Assuming that your family has health insurance, I advise you to pursue some kind of counseling or therapy and medication if deemed appropriate. There is no need to live that way–at least, not unless you are uninsured or under-insured, which you may be after you graduate from HS. Act NOW.</p>
<p>I do pursue therapy. I’m meeting my therapist tomorrow actually. She suggested thinking about using medication during our last meet. I was feeling pretty happy up until last week, but this week has been pretty horrible. I’m certain I’m gonna be using meds</p>
<p>Thanks Pseudonym. I know that it’s more a chemical issue, but it sucks how he’s so unsupportive. I’m not that concerned about not getting into Harvard or anything, but getting into any college that’s somewhat respectful would be quite a boon</p>
<p>Since your parents are constantly quarrelling, they are obviously stressed/unhappy or have other issues which though not your fault nor responsibility are reasons why you may not be receiving the emotional support you are due. Also, generally (and I am generalising here), men are not as understanding of depression or emotional issues as women; therefore his labelling you a freak is, yes unhelpful, but more a measure of his ignorance. I do think it is too early for you to be panicking about your future. Focus on getting better and bringing up your grades. Is there someone at school you can talk to about your academic strategy?</p>
<p>Despite suffering from bouts of depression throughout my life, I resisted medication until about 4 years ago. Medication totally changed my life. Once the dosage reached the recommended level (doctors tend to start patients on a very low level of these kind of meds, and then gradually raise the level until it takes an effect), I literally became a different person. I have normal highs and lows depending on life circumstances, but I no longer become paralyzed with depression that hits out of the blue or when I have a problem that would not crush most people. My doctor said my response was so clear that it’s obvious that I have a serotonin deficiency.</p>
<p>It sounds like a good idea for you to be considering medication. I hope you are working with a psychiatrist, who are the best trained doctors when it comes to these kind of meds. Have patience, too, as it can take a while for the correct dosage and meds to be identified.</p>
<p>Thanks Northstarmom, we talked about meds today. I’m meeting with the psychiatrist next week. My parents are still unsupportive about the whole the situation. They’re not too excited I’ve decided to use meds either :(</p>
<p>In the U.S., the people most likely to turn to therapy and medication are the more educated and well off people. If your parents are from another country or haven’t been to college, it’s not surprising that they are against medication. They may erroneously view mental illness as being shameful or being something that can be cured by will power.</p>
<p>It’s good that you’re willing to avoid your parents’ biases in order to do what’s needed to help yourself.</p>
