My heart is very heavy as I write this.
I went here for one semester fall 2012. I liked the classes, new friends, everything I got involved in, going out every weekend, etc. I had fun. But I went through something significantly traumatic in my time there and by the time the end of the semester rolled around, I knew I couldn’t stay.
So then I left to travel and work in central america, alone. I was doing much better. The following fall, I returned and didn’t even make it a semester at umich, flashbacks and depression hit me again. I left mid october in a crisis and moved to asia alone. Then I spent some time in eastern europe and the caribbean, and I finally decided to do school again.
I knew umich was a bad/triggering place for me, so I did a year at the university in my hometown-smaller, not as much going on, but they have endless opportunities and very accessible ones at that. It has a nice atmosphere and great students. I made some of my closest friends there by getting super involved. I had a research position there. I loved everything I had, and I finally was able to make it through a year of school. I then did a summer semester at university of victoria in BC and loved that. When all of that was said and done, I was senior standing at Umich (everything I transferred in fit my exact degree program there).
This fall, I decided I was ready to come back to umich. It took me TWO WEEKS of being miserable, staying up all night shaking and crying and not sleeping any of the nights to realize I wouldn’t make it through a semester and didn’t want to drop halfway. So I withdrew a few days ago and last minute late-registered for the university I did a year at and started my fall classes yesterday (catching up on the weeks I missed). It’s not like I don’t have opportunities here…my gpa is higher, I’m getting back involved in stuff, I have university funding to go to new zealand for two summers, I can do a semester at my dream grad school (chapel hill) for my current in-state tuition, etc and they’re hooking me up with a very good job right now. But I am miserable because I knew I would have loved umich, and it’s hard for me to let go of ever coming back there. I still want to finish there. I am in good standing and I technically could finish there, but I dropped out 3 times-I feel like a dumbass. It will take me two yrs to finish at my current school, instead of 1-I don’t mind the extra time. But I would do anything to get over my issues and come back to umich, I’m so embarrassed of all of this ):