I started off this first semester as a freshman and the first few months were the happiest of my life. My three roommates were incredibly close with me and we were friends with a few other people as well. I spent every moment with them and I would call them my family.
Some circumstances happened however and we got into a fight. I was feeling suicidal and was admitted into the hospital. When I got out my roommates refused to admit my existence along with my other friends. I haven’t had a real conversation with them in over a month despite me hearing them laughing and talking together everyday from my room.
I’m seeing the counselor at my school and am awaiting a room change. But I don’t feel any better. I had a similar situation back home and losing my friends again has just become too much for me. I can barely eat, struggling to eat once a day. I barely leave my room because I get so much anxiety from seeing them.
Yesterday was one of my roommates’ birthday and I had to listen to all of my old friends sing happy birthday and laugh and not care at all at my lack of presence. I’ve tried texting and talking to them but they don’t respond or refuse to open their doors.
I honestly didn’t do anything to hurt them and really needed my friends to be here for me when I got out of the hospital. I’ve gone to clubs and met other people but none of them are anything like my old friends and I don’t feel comfortable around them.
Every day I feel a dark, hollow feeling inside me and it’s like my heart is being ripped apart everyday. I don’t know how I’m supposed to be okay knowing the people I felt closest with now hate me.
It’s your freshman year, and the first semester at that. I knew plenty of people freshman year who I haven’t talked to in years, but I’ve met plenty more since then who I’ve become close friends with over the past few years.
If they don’t want to talk to you, that’s on them, not you. You’ve made attempts to reconcile with them and they’ve shown that they have no interest in reconciliation, so move on.
Roommate fights happen, it’s just a part of being in college. It is very rare for someone to go four years living with other people and never have a significant disagreement with them. One last thing you can try before leaving the roommates behind for good is hanging out in your common area. It sounds like you’ve shut yourself away in your room after the fight, which isn’t a good way to deal with this situation. It separates you from your roommates, preventing a direct discussion which will be more productive than texting or knocking on their doors.
If all else fails and the roommates still don’t want to talk to you, you need to try to find friends in other areas of your life. People you meet at clubs are unlikely to become lasting friends. Try going to on-campus clubs, joining a team, getting involved in your church, getting a job where you’ll work around other people, anything to get you out of your dorm and around a new group of people.
First and foremost, the word “suicidal” is a huge flag for every adult here. It means you NEED to continue to see the counselor. That’s the most important thing I have to write.
OK, number 2: these roommates are people you’ve known for 2.5 months, not lifelong friends. Your campus is full of other people. You need to find them. Join activities, join study groups, go to events, meet other people.
You don’t say what happened, so we can’t talk about making amends or whether or not it’s appropriate, but that’s something you can discuss with your counselor.
But the most important thing is not to let these 3 people-- in a college with thousands of students-- make you feel the way you describe.