I may have gotten myself in a bit of trouble tonight

Parent Cafe
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This would definitely vary by school district and also within. The school might consider who instigated the fight, who was older or bigger, that sort of thing - the very meaning of subjective. It might just do detention or some punishment other than suspension/expulsion.

Heck there are (18?) states in this country with school districts that physically punish students who break certain rules. An objective standard would suspend/expel those teachers and administrators, no?

I was involved in a handful of physical fights in school. I did not start them, but in some cases I did defend myself. I don’t recall any of us being suspended or expelled. A walk to the principal’s office to explain, maybe.

I agree this would likely be most effective. I’ve seen it done here, participated once or twice. Here, a group could attend every meeting until something is done, consider escalating if ignored.

82

For sake of simplicity, I’m going to refer to the parties involved as the bully and the vicitim. I didn’t want to because I’m trying to not pass too much judgement since I don’t know both sides of the story. But otherwise my pronouns get confusing.

I’m getting quite a bit more information, although I’m still seeking more. What I am hearing now is that the bully was a few rows behind the victim in choir. Bully threw a water bottle at victim and hit her in the head. Some other name calling, etc. followed. It was the same 2 bullies who have harassed her for the last 2 years in middle school. Victim retaliated after about 20 minutes of ignoring it. Of course, no teacher saw the water bottle fly, so they are ignoring that part. Also the victim got a concussion from the 2 bullies beating her up. However, she threw the first punch, so assault charges were filed against her only and she was expelled. No consequences for the bullies.

The school said no record of her complaining about the bullying. Which is true at the HS. 2 years of it at the middle school, but as @gardenstategal said is frequently the case, she got no help from the adults, but did receive threats and intensifying of the bullying from the bullies when she reported it. So she basically gave up. Up until this came to a head, she was also not telling her parents that HS was no better than MS, because she didn’t want them going to school and making it worse. She has tried to kill herself once already, probably largely due to this issue, but before this incident.

The story seems pretty credible. I can guess with about 90% certainty which administrator was involved too. I get along with him, and he likes me and my kids. But he is a principal straight out of 1955. I’ve heard the other teachers refer to him as “Mad Dog”. I’m guessing the bullies are “good kids” from the right families. They usually are, frankly. And this girl isn’t. She threw a punch, case closed. No reason to dig deeper.

The head principal is new this year, and I think he is standing by his team and their decisions. I actually like him, but this is something that aggrivates me about that building, and it predates his administration. Regardless of how bad a decison was or who made it, they dig in and back it 100%.

Mom is trying to plead her case publicly, and I get she feels at the end of her rope. But 1. She comes across a bit crazy, and 2. She put her daughter’s name and face out there telling the world she has depression, has attempted suicide, has been cutting, and a bunch of other info that I’m guessing the daughter didn’t want posted publicly. It’s like a bully’s information wish list. My daughter in HS is mortified that the girl’s mom did that. I know some people have differing opinions on this, but in my opinion giving the world information that makes her daughter a bigger target was a huge mistake.

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What a sad story. :frowning:

“She put her daughter’s name and face out there telling the world she has depression, has attempted suicide, has been cutting, and a bunch of other info that I’m guessing the daughter didn’t want posted publicly. It’s like a bully’s information wish list. My daughter in HS is mortified that the girl’s mom did that. I know some people have differing opinions on this, but in my opinion giving the world information that makes her daughter a bigger target was a huge mistake.”

I’ve seen parents do this in my community on facebook groups open to thousands. I really feel badly for the kids whose “laundry” is being aired all over town. What an invasion of their privacy.

84

Heart breaking. I hope the victim has a fresh start somewhere else and thrives. And I hope every kid protests the continued attendance at school of bullies who assault others and cause concussions.

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Yes, it was meant in jest (did you see the :smile: ) but I will say that it is important to have a united front when parenting so the kids don’t get mixed messages. For the OP’s question I don’t feel very strong either way on the issue but would err on the side of caution to keep my kid in the classroom unless they were absolutely sure about the facts and why they would skip class and protest.

I remember in 7th grade we had a three week teachers strike and we students jumped at the chance to have “sit-outs” to support the teachers but in reality we just didn’t want to go to class. We had no idea why the teachers were striking or what their demands were, but boy was it fun sitting on the grass, skipping class, and cheering on the teachers who were picketing.

86

It sounds from these posts that the students understand quite well exactly why they are protesting. It isn’t likely there will be cheers.

87

I’m not really on the fence anymore. I hope it is a decent number and not just my daughter and her friends. But if it is then so be it. I’m not terribly worried about a disciplinary record in middle school or a couple B’s on her transcript. And if she loses her extra bathroom, lunchroom, etc. privileges that she has because of good grades and a clean record then that isn’t the end of the world either.

Older daughter is a bit skeptical that this protest will really happen. She has seen things like this fizzle out at the HS before. The only one that really stuck was the one over school shootings, and the student council sponsor very firmly had the students’ backs on that one.

It isn’t fair, but I hope for the girl’s sake that the parents just put her in a different school. Move, frankly, if their jobs allow it. Because I don’t know that getting that girl back into this school is really in her best interest.

And seriously mom, the world does not need to know all the failings and shortcomings of your daughter. You might as well stitch a scarlet A on her clothes. She ought to know HS kids can be brutal, that’s what started this. She made a bad situation worse.

88

I agree that the girl should find a new school. Even if the bullies leave, she would be in the place where the administration did not have her safety and security in mind, to put it very mildly.

I also agree that the Mom has dangerously overshared private matters concerning her daughter. Why not reach out to her? Even if you haven’t spoken before she would likely appreciate your daughter’s sense of justice, and if you send her a heartfelt message it might help the family cope.

89

What a sad, sad story. And, if the girl has already tried to kill herself once, it’s hard to imagine this recent set of events is going to improve her mental health…

Shame on the HS administrators. The bullies should have some kind of consequence. All that happens to them is reinforcement for their abhorrent behavior. I pity their next victims.

90

I am curious as to what “extra bathroom privileges” mean for good students. Are bathroom visits limited for other students?

Weren’t there any choir students who could verify that the bullies threw the water bottle at the victim? Or are they afraid to speak up? Or are student witness statements discounted?

It’s awful that the victim’s mother aired her daughter’s issues publicly. The victim will probably make another suicide attempt now.

It’s not just parents who are putting stuff out publicly that they shouldn’t. A police spokesperson put out a “missing person” alert for a young woman in her 20s who was believed to have run away. He said that she suffered from “mental issues” or something like that. I felt that was a huge invasion of her privacy, and that he had no right to put that out there. It wouldn’t have made a difference in how people were on the lookout for her or searched for her. I must have not been the only one to feel that way, because future alerts did not include that information. And when she was eventually found, it was determined to have been a suicide. But the girl’s obituary never noted that.

There has been much talk of destigmatizing mental illness. But sometimes people get on the bandwagon to do so and they have no right. The victim’s mother has no right. That policeman had no right.

I even see it happen on CC, from people whose identity is pretty easy to find out. Talk about your own issues, sure. But it’s such an invasion of privacy to talk about other people’s (who could be identified) issues.

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I would have "mental issues " too if I were bullied at school, was not defended by the system or other students, and punished when I snapped and fought back.

My heart breaks for this girl.

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I think that within reason they can use the bathroom without having to obtain a pass. It sort of functions as an evergreen hall pass. My guess is that it doesn’t really affect ability to use the bathroom during class, just having to ask the teacher. There may be something about going to the front of lines for some stuff, but I’m not sure.

Honestly, I don’t really know what all it does. But her older brother and sister appreciated it, and she generally makes sure she keeps her nose clean so she can keep it. I think in general there are a few very minor priveleges extended to them that make you feel more like you are being treated like an adult and not a middle schooler who has to follow a bunch of rules with not much purpose. They still have to follow all of the big rules, but they are given more trust and responsibility.

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Seems to be a version of the lower school “Two wrongs don’t make a right.” The shame is in only one wrong being punished.

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My child was bullied in the summer before junior high. We met with the administration and asked how to best handle the situation if it happened at school. They came up with a system to check in with him and a way for him to communicate with them without others knowing. It gave him a lot of confidence that he knew how to handle the situation and probably prevented the kind of “snapping” situation that OP has described. I found it all a wonderful way to acknowledge my child’s feelings about it all and give him some power. I highly recommend this approach which permits (and forces) the adults to keep up with what they might otherwise not catch about how students are treating each other. This is something students could advocate for before the school board.