I need an adult's perspective on this...advice please

Parent Cafe
1

<p>I’m Junior Class VP (not student council).</p>

<p>This is the Junior Class that is in charge of anything relating to fundraising/trips, etc for the JUNIOR class. Jr Class is also the class designated to plan and pay for prom.</p>

<p>I’m thinking of resigning…my sponsor is constantly badmouthing our principal (“she doesn’t know what the hell she’s doing, I’m gonna do what I want and I don’t give a … what she thinks”) as well as allowing his own officers to do so (“She’s just a …”, “Why the … do we listen to her”, and so on). Our principal happens to be very competent and much better than the one we used to have, and that is the opinion held by most…except him and the other officers. The principal knows some of the sentiments held by our sponsor (he’s walked off on her while she’s talking to him), but I don’t think she knows the depth of the issue and I really don’t want to be the one to tell her, lest prom become a horrible trainwreck for the seniors.</p>

<p>I happen to be the only officer (and only member at that) in the magnet program and therefore I don’t know any of the other officers. The attempt I made to get to know them didn’t work very well, they’re a bit cliquish. </p>

<p>I have had to occasionally miss meetings (and I do mean OCCASIONALLY, I’ve missed far less than others) because I am involved in other activities I care about as well, but he has a draconian policy of Jr Class FIRST. Any time I know I’m going to miss a meeting I make sure I inform him in advance and always follow up on what was missed. I show up to the events and do what I can, but I’m starting to get fed up. </p>

<p>I have to work with a sponsor who doesn’t like the principal, officers who don’t like outsiders, and apathetic members. I really, really wanted to make this work, but in all honesty, it gets tiring. </p>

<p>I’ve had to defend myself in front of my sponsor against accusations that I am lying about an allergy that I have that prevented me from serving food (latex gloves). My sponsor called me out on this in front of the group saying someone had seen me helping at a trash pickup wearing gloves, where I had to remind him that I offered to serve food if he had brought vinyl gloves, which he had not, and which the trash pickup sponsor had.</p>

<p>The class won’t fall apart without me, he does what he wants (such as planning our skit, designing our shirts, etc without ANY input from us) anyway, and my efforts are appreciated far more elsewhere.</p>

<p>Maybe I just needed to rant, but I’ve never been in a position where the effort I was putting in as well as my honesty were called into question. I have leadership positions in other organizations and the members and sponsors think I do a perfectly good job.</p>

2

<p>Sweetie, the year is almost over. Is the situation really so unbearable that you can’t finish the year?</p>

3

<p>By sponsor, you mean a faculty member who is the Junior Class “adviser” for all of the planning/fundraising activities?</p>

<p>And can we assume that you were elected Class VP? If so, I’d assume your classmates want you in the position.</p>

<p>I lean toward suggesting that you hang in there. Learning to tolerate, work with, work around difficult people is a valuable skill. Sounds like you’re getting a lot of practice ;). I do understand your frustration, but maybe you can stay in there, try to represent the wants and needs of the magnet program kids, try to ignore the negatives coming from the sponsor and contribute where you can.</p>

<p>You can come here to rant and you have our (at least my) permission to slough off any feelings of guilt which the sponsor tried to engender in you.</p>

4

<p>Thanks to both moms. I feel much, much better, and the idea of resigning has gone. I guess I just got so frustrated it seemed like the solution.</p>

<p>Yes, by sponsor I mean a particular teacher. And yes, I was elected Class VP by magnet students who no longer attend meetings or events (they got fed up long ago), so as far as that goes I’m surrounded by people that I’m pretty sure didn’t vote for me given that they don’t know me. But I can live with it.</p>

<p>It just astounds me that a sponsor would behave so unprofessionally.
Using profanity and listening to gossip about his students >.<</p>

5

<p>Yes, from the way you describe her, that sponsor sounds very unprofessional. Perhaps she thinks this is a way to “relate” to the students - bad-mouthing the principal. Someone has to be the adult in the situation - sounds like it’s not going to be her. So I guess it will be you :D.</p>

<p>This, too, shall pass. And you will have gained from the experience.</p>

6

<p>Tostito, adults are just people and can be jerks too. Jmmom made a great point that your classmates are counting on you, and I’d like to point out that if you quit, you’d feel bad about yourself and the situation, but if you stick it out, you will have a great sense of accomplishment. Come and vent anytime, but hang in there , ok?</p>

7

<p>My D is her class’s treasurer. Although she gets along well with the other officers, she too has had issues with their class advisor. Partly along the “I know you’re busy but class officer meetings come first no exceptions” rule, and partly because she asks the kids what they want to do and then ignores their input and does what she wants anyway. After she overrode them on several decisions regarding their banquet and a fundraiser, and refused to let them look at a popular prom facility because she thought it was “cheesy,” the kids were ready to revolt, but they were all scared to stand up to her because they thought she would retaliate against them. After over a year of this, two other moms and I offered to talk confidentially to the Principal for them to get her advice, and the principal said she would discretely work through another teacher who is friends with the advisor to get her to back off her control-freak-act and let the officers make some decisions for themselves. I told my D that this is a learning experience, and if they have problems with Ms Advisor in the future they need to stick TOGETHER and tell her they disagree. She can be intimidating, but if they stand firmly together she can’t “retaliate” against all of them. I think things are going better now.</p>

<p>But just know that you’re not the only one having this type of problem, and this is a learning experience for the future when you’ll have a supervisor who badmouths her boss, or a similar experience. Welcome to the real world of “working with” adults (rather than being taught by them).</p>

8

<p>I applaud you for seeking advice prior to making a rash decision which you might regret later.</p>

<p>Whenever I’m torn about what to do in a given situation, I always do a “Cost/Benefit Analysis”. What are the benefits of a certain action and what are the costs? Sort of a Pros/Cons question…</p>

<p>You’ll usually find that it’s better to see something thru until the end than to quit in the middle. It’s sort of a rule in our house that once you make a commitment, you have to see it thru. If you don’t like it, don’t sign up again next time, but “quitting” is a no no!</p>

<p>Hang in there! You can do it! And in the long run, you’ll be glad you did! </p>

<p>(I know you already said you’re feeling better, but I just thought I’d add some words of encouragement! Hope all is going well!). Cheers!</p>

9

<p>There’s no reason that you can’t speak up when your adviser is out of line. Use neutral phrases along the lines of, “We need to get back to the topic of discussion,” or, “This shouldn’t be the focus of our meeting; let’s focus on…” You’ll be amazed at the effect of articulating what every one else is feeling.</p>

<p>It sounds like underhandedness and sarcasm are the weapons your adviser wields at will, so be ready for some stinging comments, directed at you. Politics means you have to minimize negativity; keeping the group on track and moving forward is your job, as a class officer.</p>

10

<p>Midwest has a good point, but also understand aren’t you basically doing something similar towards your advisor that your advisor is supposedly doing towards your prinicpal? Clearly you’ve had some sort of disagreement with this advisor over other issues. </p>

<p>So you have a latex allergy? Maybe you should carry some vinyl gloves in your car? Is it the responsibility of the advisor to carry them for you? Was the request to do the community service made with no lead time? You had no time to take of it yourself? </p>

<p>I’m not siding with the advisor here, but some of your situation you’ve contributed to. I see a little war of wills going on here. Maybe you should consider peace as a solution? There’s an old saying “Kill em with kindness”, you’ve given a bunch of reason why you can’t do something, how many reasons have you given where you can do? I can carry my own gloves, I can do the work asked of me, I can have a good attitude when it’s not my favorite thing to do… </p>

<p>You’re probably a great kid, and I honestly don’t want to sound mean, but your situation currently isn’t onesided. If you adjust a bit, maybe others will too. Never know till you try.</p>

11

<p>Something a person learns when maturing, and learning about other people is reading others…my D had the world’s worst 7th grade teacher who clearly had faves, etc…well, D learned to “play the game” because anything else didn’t get her anywhere, while figuring out what made the teacher tick certainly did, but she played the game without losing who she was and it felt kind of rewarding to “manipulate” the teacher…others were, and it was how this teacher functioned, so, instead of fighting her and her ways, D learned to work it</p>

<p>we looked at it as not “surrendering” but learning to deal with an awful person, something you will eventually have to do</p>

<p>So, watch the sponsor, see what makes them pleased, see what makes them mad, see what butters them up and play them…to be honest, when you can turn the situation around, but doing it without lying or cheating, but jsut understanding the person- are they afraid, are they a meglomanic, are they lonesome, are they just plain cranky, is their personal life messed up…whatever is making them difficult, you can learn to work with that</p>

<p>for instance, do they have a dog? have they traveled? find some common ground and talk about other things besides the council…if they make a suggestion, don’t just say, nope, say, wow that is a great idea, thank you…or, no I didn’t realize it has always been done that way, thank you for reminding me (all with a smile)…or I need to contact the DJs for the Prom, or the raffle ticket people, or whatever, about the color stock, I was thinking of purple…or do you think that might be to dark? the other option is light green…blah blah blah…you don’t REalLY need her advice, but, you ask anyway</p>

<p>sure it gets tiring, but think of what you are gaining by trying…I am not one to say stick with something no matter what, but give it a shot…</p>

<p>go get the book “games people play” a classic of phsycology…you will see your sponser and a bit of yourself in there, we all do…</p>