I need critic on my UC personal statement about my life in foster care

<p>Prompt 1-Describe the world you come from and tell us how
your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations</p>

<p>Even before I left my mothers womb, I was already moving. Conceived in San Francisco and born in New York, I spent my entire life on a journey without my mother and father in search of a stable living situation with a supportive caretaker. In total, I have moved eleven times between nine cities and four states. Over the course of this rocky expedition, I was periodically placed in and out of the foster care systems of San Francisco, Florida, and Los Angeles and have lived with a total 8 guardians in my lifetime. Easily, I was tossed around from home to home, school to school, and guardian to guardian all in pursuit of a place where I could finally be happy and comfortable. Because my experience and perception of the world and its hard knocks has grown far broader than that of any nurtured child, I have matured faster than almost anyone sharing my own age. </p>

<pre><code>It all began when I was a baby when my mother and I were separated by the government on account of her mental illness. My father, on the other hand was simply never around and possibly wasn't even aware of my existence. With both parents out of the scenario, my only option at the time was to live with my migrant grandmother, who was a supermodel during the 1960's and influenced me to develop a sense of confidence that I believe might be one of the most important traits that I still possess to this day. At 6 years old, I was separated from my grandmother because of her alcoholism and placed in a local foster home in San Francisco. This was my second time being taken from my grandmother and forced into foster care since the first when we lived in Florida and I was removed from the home for similar reasons. Shortly after my placement in San Francisco, I accepted an opportunity to move with my Uncle in Los Angeles. Here I discovered my strengths in academics, music, acting, and writing. Without being told to do so, I began singing with my schools choir, playing trumpet in the band, and acting in the theater programs. I also often wrote stories and poems to cope with the hardships of the outside world. I ended up living with my uncle for five years until he began dating his new girlfriend who eventually convinced him to release custody of me. For the 3rd and final time, I had become a ward of the state and this time it was for good.

I was eleven years old, just beginning to start junior high school, and I needed the guidance of a loving parent more than ever. Nevertheless, I managed to keep my head up high and continued to write and excel with my academics and performing arts. Over the next few years, I moved to a quite a few different foster homes but could never find what I was looking for. I craved a parent who would give unconditional love and support me and all of my endeavors. What I often came across, however, were caregivers who only "cared" in order to financially assist themselves. Some foster parents would even attempt to not allow me to practice my music, but were always unsuccessful because of the simple fact that I would refuse to let anything or anyone try to stop me.
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<p>Finally at 16, a great friend of mine convinced his mother to become a foster parent and allow me into their home. Since then, I have lived there and I couldn't be happier. Because of my friend, I now have a family that supports me and my pursuit towards accomplishing each of my many dreams. Personal experience has strongly influenced the development of my goals and I have two that are distinguishable. My abstract goal is to make it as a performing artist but I understand the difficulties with accomplishing this, hence my concrete goal being my desire to explore my passion as a writer. Ultimately, I would like to combine these goals in college by majoring in Creative writing and minoring in Music.</p>

<p>Prompt 2-Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment,
contribution or experience that is important to you.
What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud
and how does it relate to the person you are?</p>

<pre><code>Among the numerous talents, capabilities, and strengths I have discovered in myself, there is one that I treasure far more than any other which is my ability to overcome setbacks and guide myself in the right direction. In other words, it is my capability to resiliently succeed. I have even been told by many that I exemplify one of the few success stories of the foster care system. Without consistent parents, I have been forced to shape my own morals, my own personality, my own image, and ultimately my own self. I have always been classified as unique or even weird because of the differences between how I and other people make decisions. At first, I was self conscious about my abnormalities but eventually I learned how to play my differences to my advantage. Growing up in the foster care system can discourage a child traumatically and roughly 60 percent of foster youth grow up to be unsuccessful, yet I stand strong. I walk the hallways of my school knowing I have the right grades, the right friends, and the right direction ahead of me. Somehow, with intelligence and life experience I managed to figure out many of life's answers before anybody else my own age and use them to attain success. I have learned to use peace of mind to solve conflicts and also that a goal is always reachable with recurrent determination and a great attitude. Of all the many things that I have learned over the years, the most important is that if it doesn't kill you it will definitely make you stronger.
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<p>I would remove this and give it to people via PM</p>

<p>Im sorry but Im not sure what is PM?</p>

<p>^Private message.</p>