I need to write a maximum 250 Personal Statement for exchange program. Please give me advices :(

College Essays
1

I would like to join a YSEALI program which is an exchange in U.S for 5 weeks.
The required personal statement must be contained max.250 words only and there is no any sepsific questions that need to be answered in the personal statement, making it harder to write.
I guess the statement need to be about leadership and achievements.

That’s why, please give me feedbacks for my statement, even the negative feedbacks.
Here’s my draft
Note : I wrote 293 words in this statement :frowning: so I hope I will know how to make it 250 words. That’s why, please give me advices :frowning:

As a university student, I am expected to have good qualities and useful experiences for the benefits of myself and my surroundings. That’s why, I am always interested to try on new useful things for improving my character and increasing my qualifications such as competitions or any extra-curricular activities. For I am an English Department student, my main focus are in activities that related to English in general.

For example, back in the 1st semester, I was chosen as the supervisor for the regional English speech contest held by my faculty. I was responsible for finding adjudicators, confirming the location, organizing the participants, etc. Basically, everything that related for the speech contest was my responsible. In the contest, I encountered an unexpected problem which was one of the adjudicators called in sick, so she couldn’t come. I tried to be calm and came up with a solution for this problem as quick as possible. I directly contacted one of the Senior in the English Department that I knew was capable enough to be an adjudicator for speech contest. Luckily, she accepted my request and so, the event was saved.

Another productive activity that I have involved in is in the area of English debate. Though I am new in English debate, I was lucky enough to be chosen as university representative for participating in English debate championship named “NNDC (National Novice Debate Championship)”. Luckily, I made it to the grand final.

Because of my interest of productive activities that related to English, I am interested to join the YSEALI program, specifically the civic engagement program. I want to improve my character and learn and do more, so that in the future, I can become a better leader for myself as well for my surroundings.

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@Riswan Your grammar needs a bit of work - English is a tough language, and I don’t know if it’s your first language or not, but any improvement is good. :slight_smile: These comments are all grammar-related:

We usually say “for the benefit of myself.”

I’d change “For” to “Since” or “Because.” Should be “my main focus is in activities that are related…”

was my responsibility

“which was” is a fairly awkward transition. It might be acceptable to just put a hyphen (-) as such: “…unexpected problem - one of the adjudicators called in sick, so she couldn’t come.”

as quickly as possible.

Should be Seniors. I wouldn’t capitalize it unless it is the name of a title.

lucky enough to have been chosen

Could be shortened to “participating in the NNDC (National Novice Debate Championship)”

activities that are related to English

Good luck!

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“Max 250 words” means “250 is the most you can have,” so slightly under 250 should also be fine.

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Thank You for the feed backs! Yes, English is not my first language and I realize I made lots of grammatical mistakes on the draft, I intend to correct the grammar later when I manage to revise my statement content into more comprehensive and only contain max. 250 words. Perhaps, you could give me feed backs regarding to the content (?)