Sorry, this is only a rant. I reread my personal statement I had submitted three months ago and found it to be extremely affected. I couldn’t make it through the third paragraph. Weird that it never felt that way three months ago.
The teacher who read my essay told me that I had to “add more details” into it for it to be moving. I had always felt uncomfortable doing so in my writing, but I listened to her anyways, and the product is atrocious. My personal statement is overly emotional, full of trivialities, and trying too hard to impress. In it I was talking about “growing up” as if I had known all about it, but I was only fresh out of high school. I don’t know how I had thought so highly of myself or how I had the courage to even send that personal statement out for people to read.
I am an international applicant from China. The decisions from my dream school will be out this Friday and I am no longer looking forward to it. My peers applying to the same school as I are wise and wonderful people. The thought of competing against them with that amateurish personal statement is unsettling.
Now I am panicking not only because I am ashamed but also because of the consequences should my dream school reject me. Then I will have to enrol in a local university that focuses heavily on its science and engineering programmes, but I am determined to study Literature. Though I respect the professors there I really cannot say I feel the same for the school, because the students and the administrative board alike are obsessed with fame and money.
Gap year is also undesirable as I am turning 21 this year.
Phew, I have whined so much…thanks for listening. And I would deeply appreciate it if you could advise me on what I could do next, or how I should cope with this pressure.
