i swear i'm not a druggie

Parents Forum
1

<p>Read my post “what the hell??” in the CC cafe for slight background info, and/or the “i don’t know what happened” thread posted by Sweetdreams.</p>

<p>Basically, my family thinks im like a druggie, since my mom read a text message on my phone where i asked another friend for adderall (which i was trying to help another friend get because her prescrip had ran out). They think that i’ve been taking adderall/other drugs all semester, and that’s why my mood has changed lately. But i haven’t! I’ve never even taken it before! </p>

<p>They don’t understand that I can have other issues too that made my mood change, nor believe in those issues, so i don’t even bother to bring them up because they will think i’m making excuses (See sweetdreams’ thread i mentioned, discussing depression). </p>

<p>But no one believes me. She also read a text where i told a friend a class i was in was “boring”, so she thinks i didnt even go to class, and didn’t pay attention when i do. [sidenote: who hasn’t texted their friend about a class being boring?!]. </p>

<p>And my family likes to talk behind my back now (but within hearing, for dramatic effect for them i guess), and say stuff like “that’s why her grades arent good; she’s been hanging out with riff-raff all this time, taking drugs, and not even studying.” Snd when i respond and say i haven’t, they blow me off; making me angry. And then when i raise my voice they say im acting this way because i’m in withdrawal. What the hell???</p>

<p>How do i convince them i’m not on drugs/haven’t been on drugs? Because they don’t believe anything i say and have formed their own opinions already. They’re seriously driving me crazy; everytime they say that **** i want to punch a wall.</p>

<p>(i hope i made some sense in this…please help me parents)</p>

2

<p>You should tell them to go smoke a joint and chill. </p>

<p>(I didn’t say that - it was my alter ego! Hi there! ;))</p>

<p>Parents shouldn’t be reading your text messages. So that’s the first thing that should change. And as far as I am concerned, unless you are failing, or it affects scholarships (that in turn affect their ability to pay for it), college grades are none of their business unless you choose to share.</p>

<p>But you are not likely to change them. If you are having “mood problems” that you are unhappy with, check in with your local doctor, or the doc/counseling center at school.</p>

<p>I know this is hard for young people to hear, but this too shall pass. Some parents have a hard time with the fact that their kids grow up. You are not likely to change them. Keep communication as open as you can; don’t let it affect your self-esteem. Take a deep breath…And reach for YOUR goals.</p>

<p>(P.S. Back in the very dark ages, I actually did use a lot of drugs - and my grades soared when I did. But I wouldn’t recommend it to others…)</p>

3

<p>perhaps you can volunteer to take some sort of a drug test?
Otherwise, these kinds of things die down after a while anyways.</p>

4

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<p>Why can’t your friend solve this problem for him/herself? By which I mean phone the health care provider for a refill, or have a parent do it? I know several older teens with prescriptions for ADD-related symptoms, and they don’t need friends to score their pills for them. Though I don’t think your mom should read your text messages (unless she has reason to believe that your health or safety could be in jeopardy), this sounds pretty sketchy and it’s not surprising that she’s suspicious.</p>

5

<p>frazzled1</p>

<p>yeah i know that sounds sketchy, but it really wasn’t at the time. she used to get her prescription mailed from home from her parents (because her doctor was at home and they picked up the prescrip for her), but it hadn’t come on time, and she had a final two days later. so i (along with a couple other people) were trying to help her out. stupid idea in hindight, but now my parents think ive been self medicating all semester long, because of that msg.</p>

6

<p>Yeah, stupid idea. But you acknowledge that and seem to be in the right, so I’ll give my honest opinion.</p>

<p>Get an outside authority to step in. Or several. Get a committee of respected individuals on your side.</p>

<p>For example:</p>

<p>Go to your school principal or councelor. Talk to them about this, perhaps starting with the question “Do I seem like a drug user to you?” Explain your situation and that you need their help. Do the same for teachers, perhaps, which shouldn’t be too bad if your grades have kept up. The kicker will be if you can get some private family councelor or therapist (they’re nice people and they’ve dealt with far more screwy situations than yours) to speak on your behalf. You’ll have to convince them as well, but presuming that you’re innocent, you can just ask them to name whatever evidence would convince them (e.g. friends’ testimonies, the opinion of your teachers) and then deliver it. The opinions of friends will not count for much in the eyes of your parents (they are your presumed cohorts in the drug scandal), but they might be nice for force of numbers.</p>

<p>Then, somehow, arrange a confrontation. Or, get all of these people to email your parents in the same time period. </p>

<p>The idea here is to shock them out of their delusions. You’re taking them by the intellecutal shoulders and shaking the sense into them. The combined word of teachers, administrators, a therapist etc. is not something that parents will scorn.</p>

<p>My proposed solution is a lot of work. If you’re not up for it, I advise following the general thread: get some form of reputable, outside, independent opinion on your behalf. Only then will they listen.</p>

<p>As a closing note, please understand that specific reasons for your recent depression (if these exist) are very, very valuable. Explain them to those I proposed you speak to, and explain them to your parents too. It completes the puzzle and makes the whole story more believable. I understand that the reasons might not be entirely clear or may be very personal (I’ve had such a bout with depression myself), but sharing these reasons (at least with the hypothetical therapist or councelor) is key to rebuilding the relationship with your family and, indeed, curing the depression, based on my own experience.</p>

7

<p>The problem is, the more you protest your innocence the guiltier you look. (What’s the expression? Methinks she doth protest too much?)</p>

<p>So, you either drop the whole thing and continue to live your life drug free, or you tell your parents that if they truly believe you are doing drugs then you are willing to submit to random drug testing and that they should go ahead and arrange for the testing - or get off your back.</p>

8

<p>I responded to the initial, creatively-titled “What the Hell” thread and continue to ponder this dilemma. Ductape, your guilt or innocence notwithstanding, family communication dynamics seem to be at play here.</p>

<p>Whether the lack of quality/and or depth and frequency of communication between you and the rest of your family is due to factors within or beyond your control or your mother’s, I firmly believe that improvement of those dynamics are key to happier Adderall seeking on your part.</p>

<p>Mini, I’ve read a multitude of intelligent and responsible posts of yours on CC, but this thread has me wondering, among other things, what are you smoking?</p>

9

<p>I think the problem here is that the OP is adopting the parents’ problem as his own. THEY have problems to work out, and they have to do with changing the nature of their attachment. The OP is pretty close to being an adult now, and while he can do everything in his power to maintain open communication, the responsibility for the change in this relationship falls on the adults.</p>

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<p>Andlet this be a lesson…don’t try and get drugs- prescription or otherwise for anybody, cause it can come back to you…</p>

<p>And when parents hear “its not mine, I am just holding it for a friend”…come on, what would YOU think…</p>

11

<p>This is going to take time
I don’t think that parents need to read text messages unless there is a concern- but this is a concern
Even if you feel it is an “innocent” problem,trying to get prescription medication “for a friend” is not a responsible or mature thing to do.
If your friend needs medication- his parents need to get it from the pharmacy- you don’t need to be involved.
This is a great book- you may not have learned positive, non soul draining ways to deal with people while growing up, but you will be an adult soon, and it is time to get those skills elsewhere. :slight_smile:
<a href=“http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/067162248X/002-5514447-4481622?v=glance&n=283155[/url]”>http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/067162248X/002-5514447-4481622?v=glance&n=283155&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;