I think I care more

<p>D found out today she did not make the top 10 in her senior class of 300. She is number 11. I am sad because her hs only recognizes the top 10. I know that I shouldn't care. I don't consider myself an "over the top" mom, but I wanted her hard work to be recognized. D is pretty quiet and shy, people don't realize she gets as good of grades as some of the more recognized seniors. I know I need to let it go. D hasn't said much, so I guess I'll follow her lead. I hope all hear don't mind me venting. If I told DH, he'd just laugh and say there are more important things in the world.</p>

<p>First of all, I understand how you feel and your feelings are valid for you, so fine to share here. Any parent whose kid who just missed a cutoff like that would legitimately feel disappointed. </p>

<p>Recently I felt kind of sad that my daughter got a B instead of an A in her first semester AP class and her rank dropped from 4/82 to 5/82 weighted .. and to 9/82 unweighted (thus no longer in top 10% - yikes all due to 1 place difference in rank!). I also felt bad that if she had gotten an A in that class it might have actually gone up... alas.</p>

<p>It's unfortunate that your school recognizes only top 10, but many schools only recognize top 1 or 2 -- My daughter's school does top merit awards in each academic area that are not related to rank - but only one of each. Perhaps having a perspective that this is just your school will help you feel a bit better. Your daughter is an excellent student better than top 5% of her graduating class. Colleges won't care if she is 10 or 11. I hope she has some teachers who recognize her accomplishments. Someone had to be 11 after all. Does it even bother her? or just making you sad for her? My daughter really doesn't care about her rank.. and she understood why she got the B and is fine with it.</p>

<p>Good luck.</p>

<p>Sorry, Linnylu, I would be upset for my son too. It's these little things that get under your skin and irritate. Maybe your daughter will verbalize more in the next few days. </p>

<p>Do they decide after the 1st marking period, and not after the final grades at the end of the year? That is odd, since so much can happen the second semester with "senioritis".</p>

<p>Good question, vlines - I wondered the same thing. OP, I feel for you - it's hard to miss out on something by such a small amount. And it may be a difference of .01 or even less in GPA. At our hs, the highest GPA is usually decided by values of .001! So how meaningful can that be?</p>

<p>Being in the top 5 percent of the class is a significant accomplishment, and will probably lead to some nice college acceptances.</p>

<p>linnylu, if it makes you feel any better, my DS is not likely to be Val or Sal this year (the only 2 recognized), even though he has been the top GPA since 9th grade. Why? He basically maxed out all of the AP credits that he could take, and had a choice to take lower level filler classs, or take classes at the community college to remain on a "rigorous" path. The CC courses will not count in his GPA, despite the fact the they are college level. So his GPA will suffer because of the decreased number of classes. He will probably end up being 3rd or 4th in his HS class. But will be the only student in his HS to ever graduate from the CC in May with a AS in Mathematics (with honors even). But will receive no recognition from his high school. I am going to have him wear his CC honor society cords to his HS graduation! LOL . </p>

<p>So schools are really weird about this. And the recognition is far from fair! I feel for you.</p>

<p>OP, you're right on both counts: It's OK to be disappointed, and, yeah, it's not the end of the world. cc is the perfect place to vent about this kind of thing. Head over to the cafe and let 'er rip on the "Say It Here" thread. I find it surprisingly cathartic. (((hugs)))</p>

<p>I think all of us would feel sad about this but honestly in our system the "top dogs" are often not the brightest or the best. My sib and I both graduated third and therefore didn't give the sal speech because in both our cases the #2 person had taken an "easier coarse load." This was well over thirty years ago approaching forty and while we can both roll our eyes about it, our mother is still "bothered."</p>

<p>I just read something recently that the Silver medal winner in the Olympics is often the most upset about the outcome. They feel that they were "this close," while the Bronze winner is happy just to have made it to the podium. It stinks to be the person just below the cutoff!</p>

<p>My son was #11, too! What bothered him were the kids who took easy classes in order to maintain a high GPA. I reminded him that he was gaining skills for the future.</p>

<p>I am such a believer in karma that I think your D will be rewarded in some other way down the road. It may not be obvious but the "award/prize" might be down the road.
A few years ago I was so upset that my D didn't make a team in a new, very large school. How was she going to fit in without this safety net of the wholesome sport? The JV coach said "sorry you're the new girl and you don't know the plays I taught last year- I have to cut someone." (She had been team captain in middle school & gave up family vacation for the try outs) I said a million prayers over it and asked God to help me let it go. She did beautifully there, made tons of nice friends, all honors & APs, NHS, It was meant to be I guess.
My S's ultra competitive high school's motto was "when cut back, grow back stronger". Kids got their butt kicked all the time there and they have a 20% sending rate to Ivy league schools. Disappointment is such a bummer and there's more to come. How fortunate that you are there to help her navigate the rough waters and shake it off.</p>

<p>Maybe someone will move away before graduation? ;) Well, its a thought...</p>

<p>Rut roh. Jym, I see this heading into Texas cheerleader mom territory.</p>

<p>LOL, YDS. I haven't thought about Elroy or scooby-doo in a long time. </p>

<p>Wasnt there an update recently on the texas cheerleaer mom?</p>

<p>I get it, OP. I understand about the knife edge of being recognized or being invisible.</p>

<p>I myself was #6 out of 383, in a high school that made a big deal about the top 5 graduates. We didn't do Val/Sal, we did Top 5. They got listed in the graduation program and the newspaper, and had their names engraved on a bronze plaque in the front foyer of the school. But I have survived and thrived. In fact, I find it a funny story to tell people now when they are talking about not being recognized for something. <points at="" self=""> "Number 6, right here!" :p</points></p>

<p>On the other hand, my son's high school calls the top 5% of their class "honors graduates." They get extra cords on their graduation robes, recognition in the graduation program, graduate first (before the rest of the class goes alphabetically) and get listed in the newspaper. In the fall of my son's senior year his GC told him he was in the top 10% of his class of nearly 400, and not far from top 5%. Son had a stellar, straight-A fall semester. Lo and behold, it turned out that "not far" meant he was one slot away - and he unknowingly managed to knock an acquaintance out of that last spot and graduate as an Honors Graduate in the Top 5%. :D</p>

<p>OTOH... Son missed graduating summa cum laude from college by .01. They raised the required GPA for Latin honors beginning with his graduating class. Oh well, there are far worse problems to have in life!</p>

<p>I suspect all that matters to these kids is getting into the college of their choice. 10 v. 11 isnt gonna drive that. </p>

<p>I think any kid Number 11 is likely going to put HS in the rear view mirror soon. </p>

<p>IMVHO. Cheers.</p>

<p>It's no big deal...reallly! I had two kids ranked at #11 and, yes, it was by tenths or hundredths. Our school does use weighted gpa though, so no wah-wahing about other kids taking easier classes. They also recognize the top 10% as honor grads, which was nice, and both of mine got plenty of awards/scholarships from the school and community. They weren't at all upset about it then and I truly doubt they've thought about it at all since HS graduation.</p>

<p>Thanks everyone for understanding and not trashing me:) I know that in the big scheme, it's not a big deal at all. I am super proud of my D for what she has accomplished. Her school weights grades so she could be behind someone by .001 or something like that. Unweighted she's 5th in her class. Grades are taken into account until the 7th semester for valedictorian, Summa Cumme Laude, and class rank. I am not sure why. </p>

<p>And Vlines, our high school does the same thing- kids taking dual enrollment aren't the kids who want to end up in the top 10. The kids in the top 10 also don't take band because it's not a weighted class. My D did take band because she loves music. </p>

<p>I have no clue what is meant by the Texas Cheerleader, but I am definitely not a cheerleader mom and my D is far from a cheerleader:0 And jym626- that's pretty funny about maybe someone will move away.</p>

<p>linnylu, you don't wanna know about the Texas Cheerleader mom...a horrible story of a mother's ambition for her daughter gone very wrong! Okay, you're going to google it now arent' you, haha?!</p>

<p>I'll</a> save you the time...</p>

<p>I wouldn't make a big deal out of it around your daughter. If it doesn't seem to bother her as much, it might start to if she sees how upset you are. </p>

<p>I really don't like the hype over class rank. I'll admit I was Val in high school, and 6 years later...I really couldn't care less, nor would I ever bring it up to anyone in conversation so it really doesn't matter anymore. I realize it may make the difference between being recognized by the school or gaining scholarships for some people. And that is a shame that they missed the cutoff by often a small fraction. But think of it this way...for some Vals and Sals, it may be their last moment to shine while students in 11th rank go on to do some pretty great things. So don't let it get you (or her) down! Graduation should be a fun, memorable experience, not stressful and full of "what-ifs."</p>