<p>First of all, this probably doesn’t belong in the parent section, so sorry about that. I just thought parents might have more advice for me.
Anyway, I think my mom hates me. Or she doesn’t care about me as much as she used to. It’s probably not as extreme as hate. My mom and have always had a very close relationship, and my parents are divorced so it was just me and her. We used to be able to talk about anything, but now whenever I ask her something, she completely ignores me or tell me it’s none of my business. And my grandma moved in with us last year, so I understand that she wants to talk to a grown up, but she sometimes acts like I don’t exist at all except to tell me to do chores. And ever since my grandma came, she’s not even living with us that much. A lot of the time, she just goes to her friends home or boyfriend’s home to sleep. I’m not sure if she just wants to have a little more “me time” or she just doesn’t want to see me. I understand that I’m a teenager now and I can’t always ask her to help me with everything, but it seems like she doesn’t care about what I do anymore. I know this probably doesn’t seem that extreme compared to the problems other people have, but my mom and I used to be really close and I don’t know what happened. Somedays she’s really nice and others she wants nothing to do with me. I really don’t understand her. What should I do? Can I do anything?</p>
<p>She could be very, very stressed by having your grandma move in with you. Have you tried talking to her? Just letting her know that you don’t feel as close. But that you know she is under a lot of stress, too – and ask what you can do to be more helpful to her (chores, etc.). But also ask if there is anything you can do to give the two of you more time together. </p>
<p>Having kids takes a HUGE bite out of an adult’s life. Maybe she feels like now you are a teenager, she can go back to some of the activities she couldn’t do for years when she had to take care of you all the time – like going out with friends or to her boyfriend’s. If your grandma’s health is good and she can help supervise you, maybe that was part of the change. You might just want to have a non-confrontational, heart-to-heart with her to remind her that you love her and need her in your life. But understand where she might be coming from, too. Odds are pretty good that she doesn’t hate you, just wants some of her own adult life back again…</p>
<p>Wow, usually the posts like the OP are coming from parents, wondering what happened to that boy who wouldn’t leave her side, or the daughter who used to share so much who now can’t seem to tolerate being in the same room.</p>
<p>I love my girls so much, my heart almost bursts from it. I’m sure your mom feels the same about you, but something is going on that is distracting her. I encourage you to talk to her, or if you feel awkward about it, buy her a nice card and tell her how you are feeling (without being critical or using words like “hate”). Tell her you miss her and need her, and I cannot imagine she could not be affected by that. And make sure you end it by saying you love her.</p>
<p>Good luck; I hate to think of any child doubting their parent’s love for them.</p>
<p>I read your post and my heart hurts for you. I do agree with the above, that your mom is having some issues. And I would venture to guess that they have nothing to do with you. Parenting is a blessing, not a curse. I DO NOT AGREE that parenting take a huge bite OUT OF ONE’s life. Parenting is the icing on the cake. But sometimes parents lose sight of that. You sound like a wonderful child any parent would adore, so do NOT think your mother hates you. This is something with HER, not YOU. </p>
<p>I would talk to her, tell her you love her, you don’t know what is happening, but you MISS being together and close. What she does with that is her issue, I pray she sees clearly what is happening. You are the child, she is the adult. In my very own opinion, she should wait til you are out on your own before she dates. I wish she would. But I am thrilled that you have your grand mom with you. I would enjoy this time with her, too. </p>
<p>I just want to stress that YOU did NOT drive her away. She doesn’t HATE you. And all you can do is communicate with her what you said here, and enjoy your grandmother. Parents sometimes make poor choices, and I think your mom may be struggling with that right now. </p>
<p>Keep posting or reaching out wherever you need to, most especially, to your grand mom. she IS there.</p>
<p>LOVE AND HUGS TO YOU PRECIOUS ONE!!</p>
<p>I think you did a great job expressing yourself and how you are feeling. How about printing out your post and giving it to your mom?</p>
<p>She may be very stressed and/or depressed over her own life.</p>
<p>Thank you all so much for helping, I will definitely try to find the right time to talk to her. I understand she is very busy these days</p>
<p>Sounds like Grandma moving in has kind of changed things. Maybe she is staying overnight elsewhere to get some space from Grandma?</p>
<p>Any chance that the two of you can go somewhere together, just you and your mom, now and then?</p>
<p>She may be very stressed and/or depressed over her own life.</p>
<p>I woud guess that is so. She may be using the fact that Grandma is there to “escape” to friends’ and boyfriend’s homes. She’s probably not escaping from you specifically, but escaping from having to think about how her life has turned out differently than she had planned. It may “bother her” to hear about your life because of how her life has turned out. Being sad/depressed can make a person very self-absorbed.</p>
<p>I’m curious about the kind of questions you’re asking that get “none of your business” responses. If you are asking questions that are none of your business, then stop. If you’re asking legitimate questions and that’s her response, that’s odd. </p>
<p>Where is your dad?</p>
<p>Wow, minus the spending nights elsewhere, this was the situation with my mother after my grandfather died and grandma moved in (and my youngest kid is now 19). The dynamics of the household changed and my mother seemed to forget to how to be a parent and slipped into being a full time daughter. Unfortunately, it was never the same again, but I was nowhere near as savvy as the OP here! I wish you luck, Mewcat- please keep us posted.</p>
<p>From the way you describe it, I don’t think that she hates you. I think that something else is going on.</p>
<p>Just as you have lots of things in your life that don’t involve your mom, she has things that don’t involve you.</p>
<p>Maybe something has changed in her relationship with her boyfriend. Maybe he has been wanting to spend more time with her, and now that your grandma lives with you, they can do that without having to leave you alone overnight.</p>
<p>Maybe your mom and your grandma tend to argue if they spend too much time together, so your mom thinks it would be better to spend some time away from home.</p>
<p>Maybe whatever situation led your grandma to move in with you is worrying your mother. Often, grandparents move in if they have problems with their health or their money. If that’s what happened in your family, your mom could be distracted by those problems.</p>
<p>Your mom also could be distracted by things you don’t know about – like problems at her job.</p>
<p>But in any case, I don’t think she hates you.</p>
<p>Mewcat - like others, I don’t think this has much to do with you at all but very much to do with changes going on in your moms life. It’s not fair to you, but you’re stuck in the crossfire of emotional baggage that has nothing to do with you. I would try to find a quiet time, on neutral ground (outside the house) in a place you’re both comfortable. Tell her you’ve been noticing some stress lately and you want to help. You miss the close relationship you have shared but understand as and adult you share her with many people important in her life. You’d like to build that again. Ask if you can ease up stress by helping in certain ways you could set aside one night a week just for the two of you. </p>
<p>In this manner you’re validating the changes she’s faced, you’re recognizing you’re not the only one who needs/is deserving of her attention, you are asking what you can do to help in a concrete ways (laundry, dishes, etc), and letting her know that you miss your time together, if your helping took some of the stress could one night be set aside for you. This may open her eyes to how little time she’s spending with you and it’s not about ‘needing to babysit a 10yo’ but foster a relationship with her daughter. One nights not a lot to ask IMO.</p>