<p>I too don’t know the answer to Helenback’s question. I don’t think there is any right or wrong answer since each parent has a different relationship with their child. Our S is an only and I have always worked full time. When S is home on break, I find myself being a homebody and everything is centered around him. While he is at school S I tend to work longer and not feel the rush to get home and start dinner.
I missed him very much during his freshman year and wanted much more contact with him, than we received. Now a year later, I still miss him when he leaves, but he is so happy and much more mature. And yes the contact has increased.</p>
<p>It’s gotten a bit easier for me because I know that S1 is happy at school – at this point even more so than at home. I was the same way at that age. He was very relieved to arrive home after a grueling finals schedule, then eat, sleep (a LOT) and immerse himself in Christmas. But now, without studies, roommates or a job to keep him busy, he’s getting a little bored, and it’s a long break. I know he’ll be glad to get back to his very full life at school. He was never the type to just hang out and relax. Always busy. </p>
<p>Off the OT, but my hardest goodbye coming up is with S2, who is leaving for HS trip to Spain next month. I am a terrible (petrified) flyer, and the thought of putting him on a plane… I don’t talk about it because I don’t want my phobias to rub off on them. I know it’s not reasonable, and that millions of people fly safely. Yesterday, though, he told me he’s excited about the trip and not worried about anything – except the plane crashing. Sort of kidding, but sort of not. He’s only flown once before. Am hoping that once this trip is under his belt it will help. Bascially, though ANY goodbyes with our kids are always going to be a little rough!</p>
<p>I think this is harder this time because I couldn’t go with my husband when he took S back yesterday. It’s a 3-4 day round trip, so I’m alone with the dog. And this is the first time I haven’t been there for move-in, so I don’t know what his living situation is like. (I’m not concerned, just feeling out of the loop)</p>
<p>mafool, I’m with you, its not getting any easier. I cried when I dropped DS off at the airport this morning. He’s headed back for 2nd term of his junior year. I know for me some of it is the growing reality that he’s an adult and we won’t have too many more winter breaks. Also I can’t look forward to his being home this summer as he has an internship in Japan… And then of course there’s the looming worry - what will he do after college?</p>
<p>I am a working mom and I miss my D1 just as much as anyone. I took two weeks off because both of our girls were off. We had a very nice break, a lot of together time. She is sitting next to me on FB now while we are watching Unfaithful together. She is leaving next Wed to go back to school. We probably won’t see her until March. I have posted more than usual these last 2 weeks. Ugh…back to work tomorrow.</p>
<p>My older two (S and D1) both left for winter quarter this weekend, leaving me home with just D2 (still in high school). I agree with the OP that it doesn’t seem to get easier. I smile until they leave, then I cry a little. I love having everyone home and, with only one left, the house is way too quiet and I have no one to cook for. At least I know that they are both happy - and they do call multiple times a day. I guess it is a good thing that I also return to work tomorrow.</p>
<p>Helenback-- I don’t know the answer to that one either. I’m like you (although am looking for work at the moment, and wishing I was more marketable). From my own and friends’ experiences, I think it’s an individual thing. My friend has a happy 20-year career in education, and a son less than an hour away, and it wasn’t any easier for her. Another friend had a party for first (and second)-time college moms a few weeks after we’d sent them off in the fall. Some people would probably snort at it, but it was a lot of fun, and it was nice to have so many in the same boat.</p>
<p>Even with the younger three still at home, I had a very tough time saying goodbye to S1 when he headed off for freshman year. I was absolutely thrilled for him (even envious!), but-- they’ve been in our care and completely enmeshed in our lives every day for the last 18+ years. We love them, and it’s a life-changing time. We’d be sad and sorry for them if that day never came, but it’s still hard.</p>
<p>D3 just left after her Christmas break in her first year away from home. It has been interesting, with D1, life was still very full of D2/D3 so not as much time was ‘down time’ to miss her.</p>
<p>When D2, the three sport athlete left, there was a lot more free time and I really missed those team activities- it was just plain fun to know all the kids on the teams and go to all the games over the years.</p>
<p>D3 was sorely missed especially the first month, it was a rather uneasy feeling that life was just not in balance. I was experienced enough to know it was coming and not be overwhelmed, but it took a while to find/create a new rhythm in life.</p>
<p>Over winter break we were mostly snowed in and ended up with just our family home playing games most of the time and it was delightful.</p>
<p>I am secretly blessed and grateful that D1 is a grad student within an hour of here so we see her a couple of times a month and that is helping the transitions!</p>
<p>S1 was supposed to leave today, but is staying here because there is a math convention here in town and he’s sitting in on a number of lectures (and two of his profs are also attending!). DH is driving him to the airport Tuesday night and I am envious.</p>
<p>He has been online with his friends from “home” (campus) a great deal, but has been pleasant and helpful, albeit distracted at times. He was also working part of the time. Would love to close the doors and have him all to ourselves during this time, but that’s not the way the world works. He’ll be here for only part of spring break (has to find summer housing in Boston) and will be gone most of the summer. </p>
<p>I wanted him to fly…guess my dream came true!</p>
<p>I suppose it’s just wishful thinking on my part that if I had a fabulous career then I could blow him a kiss and send him on his way without all the pain. I wouldn’t have time to mope because I’d be too busy packing for my business trip to Costa Rica. I don’t know what my imaginary career is but I know it involves some really great travel. </p>
<p>I feel for you Scout59 because that grief is very profound. I tried everything I could think of to make myself feel better after leaving him for the first time and I didn’t hit on any one thing that worked. Instead I called up other moms that had freshman and talked until they cried too. I also cried at the Farmer’s Market which made the guy that sells me bread really uncomfortable. Unfortunately we have no Farmer’s Market in winter so I guess next week I’ll have to cry at Target instead.</p>
<p>Lspf72 I agree that it’s a little easier now knowing that he’s happy and settled and made great friends. There isn’t that gnawing anxiety about how well he’s adjusting or if he’ll accidentally make friends with drug smugglers. </p>
<p>I am once again just very thankful that this online community exists. I think you’re all swell.</p>
<p>My sophomore S went back early to do an intersession course, so I feel like I did not get nearly enough time with him at the break. There is not a lot of communication there, either. Even the IM stuff that seemed to work so well last year isn’t producing much, monosyllable responses if any response at all. I am sad and frustrated. I have a career, but work is slow because of the economy, so that isn’t helping. I guess I need to find some new activities.</p>
<p>Awww bugmom. I feel for you. It’s very frustrating. Even though my freshman s is still home, spending time with him is like trying to grab smoke. You just can’t grasp it. Yesterday I was taking the younger boys to the movie and I knew he wouldn’t want to go because it was a kid flick, but I said we’d go out for Chinese later and I knew he’d join us because that’s his favorite. We were on our way to the restaurant about 6pm and the little boys were asking if we could stop on the way home to look at some video games and ds said,“I need to be home at 7 because my friends are coming over.” Quick dinner! Not exactly what I had in mind…</p>
<p>how’s everyone holding up?</p>
<p>I am feeling better. I took ds and his “friend who is a girl” back to campus last Saturday. I was in a funk until some time Wednesday, but now I’m feeling back to normal. I would say the grief felt very familiar but it didn’t last nearly as long as the first time I took him to campus. I was hoping to avoid that feeling but I guess it just comes with the territory. It doesn’t help that dh travels for work so I drop ds at campus and then dh leaves the next day so it gets quiet very quickly. I have my younger two here and that helps but then I feel it’s up to me to keep them from feeling the absence, so instead of burrowing under some blankets on the couch like I want to I have to keep things feeling normal. </p>
<p>How are you, wbow?</p>