<p>From a native African:
I don’t have time to react to everything I’ve read here, but the one that gets to me the most is the hair issue. I’ve always seen the whole “personal space” thing as a very white idea - most African cultures have no such concept. For instance, when my mother had just had my little brother, it was common - and considered normal - for total strangers to want to hold him and comment on everything from the funny little bald patch in the middle of his head to the brand of diapers she should get for him (yes, seriously). People here react to “weird” hair as well - kids who were born with dreadlocks, for example, or a friend of mine whose hair was naturally very loosely coiled. As someone has stated, most times it’s a compliment, not a racial slur. I get my hair into some crazy designs from time to time, and women on the street will come up and touch it and ask if it’s real (or extension-aided) and how I got it done and if it hurts. I see it as an innocent fascination, and I like talking about it and directing them to my hairdresser. But then again, it wouldn’t occur to me to think there’s any racism involved.
When my school did this exchange program thing with a US high school one of the girls ended up in my dorm room. To be honest I was equally fascinated with her straight white-blonde hair, because it hadn’t really sunk in before that hair really could grow like that naturally. And it was very fine (as in thin). Girls would come and just touch it and play with it. The day before they left we sort of went crazy and decided we’d see if we could do anything “normal” with her hair - braiding, bonding, texturizing. Suffice it to say that it didn’t end well, though she seemed really happy with the result 
My point is, the fact that she was white had nothing to do with it - we were just a bunch of curious kids.</p>
<p>@jewelessien, thank you for you post.</p>
<p>As a white person with adopted children of different heritage, I have approached this thread as a learning tool for me for future years. It breaks my heart, truthfully, to think that I could (and it seems likely am), offending others without even being aware. I thank those of you who feel the need to raise awareness in those of us who have much to learn.</p>
<p>Regarding the hair issue, I have never even considered touching another person’s hair beyond my own children or husband. Having said that, I have experiences with two of my children, one white and one AA, where strangers have touched theirs. I’ve also had strangers touch mine.</p>
<p>Our family lived in Asia for several years. While in India, it was an every day occurrence for me to have my (blonde) hair stroked whenever I went out. At first it seemed strange because of the personal space issue, but I quickly realized it was only curiosity and these particular people rarely saw white people (they also rubbed my skin), let alone blondes.</p>
<p>One of my daughters was “tow-headed” (white-blonde) when she was little. I remember once an East Asian businessman picked her up before I could stop him and held her up to his associates. They took turns touching her hair. I admit that once was a little creepy, but I quickly got her back. They paid no attention to my darker haired children, so I can only assume they had never seen hair like hers before.</p>
<p>.This week I had a stranger comment on my AA daughter’s gorgeous curls. I could tell she wanted to touch them, but I did not offer. I had to wonder if she had ever felt AA hair, and I am guessing she probably hasn’t.</p>
<p>All this to say that I agree with @jewelessien about cultural differences about personal space and natural human curiosity about human characteristics different from one’s own.</p>
<p>I would never, ever say “I don’t see color”–I at least know enough to know that’s offensive to many. I will say, though, that I hope for a day when our country will be a nation of racial equality.</p>
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<p>Or as a professor of mine once said when talking about gender, that it be viewed as a categorical rather than an ordinal variable. </p>
<p>Sign #3: “Please don’t touch the cashmere.”</p>
<p>I specifically told my kids never comment AA hair.</p>
<p>BTW, we have a Jewish friend with a very curly hair. Kids like to play with her hair, and she is not offended by it. </p>
<p>It is a bit scary with AA. As a foreigner, I never know what is offensive and what is not. For example, I recently learned that it is offensive to have watermelons on a party, if you have AA guests. </p>
<p>Well, you can do yourself a favor, californiaaa, and unlearn that tip on party throwing. </p>
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What you really want to serve at a party is watermelón inside a watermelón.</p>
<p>Umm no. Wearing blackface is offensive, serving watermelon is not. Good lord most of the US eats watermelon in summer.</p>
<p>@OHMomof2 Actually, I remember a news article I read some months back about a school that was supposedly racist for serving fried chicken and watermelon at lunch (I think it was a Black Cultural Day or something like that). I’ll go trawl the net and see if I can find it again in a bit. So yeah, @californiaaa has a very real point, one which highlights how absurd the race/racism issue can get. I don’t see the discrimination in serving what is widely accepted as soul food, which is culturally associated with African Americans, on a day that you’re supposed to be celebrating African American culture. It’s similar to serving avgolemonos soup or dolmades at a Greek cultural booth, or plenty of pasta and sauces at an Italian-themed celebration. And I find it even more annoying that if the reverse had happened, if the school had served Yorkshire pudding or something equally culturally “white”, people would have called them out for not expressing enough black culture on black cultural day. But then again, I’m a NAB, so what do I know :|</p>
<p>And what exactly is wrong with being associated with fried chicken and watermelons? They’re both perfectly delicious Sorry, all those of you who think this comment is racist, I have another bucket of lovely golden brown spicy nuggets to get through :D</p>
<p><a href=“http://www.agmrc.org/media/cms/WatermelonFactors_EFA697100FE6D.pdf”>http://www.agmrc.org/media/cms/WatermelonFactors_EFA697100FE6D.pdf</a> indicates that white and black people in the US consume watermelon at similar rates. Latino people consume watermelon at somewhat higher rates, while Asian people consume watermelon at about three times the rate of white and black people. However, this is based on data from a while ago.</p>
<p>It would not be the first time that an insulting ethnic stereotype was based or maintained on incorrect assumptions.</p>
<p>It was MLK day and they had a “dress black” frat party and brought up every negative stereotype - I think it was ASU but could be mistaken. The frat was already on probation. Remember the difference between laughing with and laughing at. It was not meant to be a cultural celebration in the affirmative sense.</p>
<p>For the love of God, californiaa. Who tells you this stuff?</p>
<p>saintfan is right. There is a difference between cultural celebration and mockery/stereotyping. My kids’ schools have always had a group of black parents who serve soul food at various events. The Mexican families serve tostadas and churros. The Korean families serve pot stickers. The kids of every ethnicity (and their parents) gleefully eat it up. In my opinion food is a great way to introduce people to other cultures and help those with provincial attitudes see that we all value a lot of the same things.</p>
<p>TKE at ASU.</p>
<p><a href=“https://asunews.asu.edu/studentannouncements/20140124_TKEStatement”>https://asunews.asu.edu/studentannouncements/20140124_TKEStatement</a>
<a href=“TKE at ASU Investigation Statement | TKE.org”>| Tau Kappa Epsilon Fraternity;
<a href=“Help Center - The Arizona Republic”>Help Center - The Arizona Republic;
<p>Note: fraternities are only a marginal part of ASU campus life, with only 6% of men in them.</p>
<p>Interesting. Changing lives, one soul @ a time. BRAVO!!!</p>
<p>Dining hall staff at both Yale and UCI were called out for serving chicken and waffles on MLK Day. That may be what the poster above was remembering. </p>
<p>@ucbalumnus @saintfan Nope, not ASU. I remember the name now - Carondelet High School. And the lunch menu was in an attempt to recognise black history month. Nothing else was involved - just the lunch, which was proposed as cornbread, fried chicken and watermelon. But for some reason everyone went batsh*t insane when they heard.</p>
<p>I don’t see the mockery or insulting stereotype in thinking that watermelons are a “black” food. It may be untrue now, but remember that these things usually have a basis, no matter how small, in fact. Even if it was a complete lie, how exactly is it insulting to be associated with cornbread, fried chicken and watermelon? I mean, that’s some awesome lunch right there - perfectly delicious and also healthy.</p>
<p>Here’s a parallel: pizza. Most people have this idea that pizza is the national food of Italy or something, going as far as waiters/chefs appropriating “Italian” accents at pizzerias. A kid at my school was half Italian, half Nigerian - imagine my shock when she told me that no, people don’t really eat pizza that much in Italy (any more than people eat lots of hamburgers in Hamburg). If you’re going for an Italian theme, you’re better off with pasta, which is really served like throughout the day. And the “traditional” Italian pizza is topped with tomato sauce and cheese and practically nothing else. Yet how many people scream in outrage at this stereotype?</p>
<p>And who on Earth is responsible for that watermelon study up there? Like what is that all about? How do you even investigate something like that? Do you go from door to door asking how much watermelon each family consumes in a month? Are watermelons equipped with some high tech transmitters that can report the races of the people who ate them? Like what actually? I’m actually scared now…</p>
<p>When my S was in elementary school, there was an organization in our community called the “Black Parents of Xtown.” They actually came into the schools and gave awards just to black students, in front of all the other students of various ethnicities. African-Americans are apparently immune to charges of racism, however, so this was tolerated. </p>
<p>I’m trying to think how to address this without actually using a negative stereotype and offending myself. In a nutshell . . . watermelon has been used expansively as an overt negative image of black people to imply simplicity (in the worst way), lack of education and barefoot country status. People still use it as an image that says a thousand words (none good). While certainly AA people eat watermelon as do people of all colors and ethnic backgrounds, and it is a tasty and healthy picnic lunch food - putting it on the menu especially for MLK or black history month at best says that the menu planners didn’t do their homework and were operating based on cultural stereotypes. They may not have meant to be offensive (and that IS an image that is often used with intent to offend) but if the idea behind marking those days is broader understanding then a little thought and (dare I say it?) sensitivity would be in order.</p>
<p>“Watermelon HAS BEEN USED”.</p>
<p>This is my problem with African-Americans: over-sensitivity and a rather unhealthy attachment to the past. “A century ago people associated watermelons with simplicity and lack of education, so let’s never look at another watermelon again, even though there is absolutely nothing about a watermelon that actually suggests simplicity and lack of education!”</p>
<p>Why should everyone else walk on tiptoe to avoid “offending” African-Americans, when AAs say their fair share of stupid things to people of other minority races? Why on earth would you allow the past to forever color your view of the present? How on earth would you ever succeed when you never look to the future?
Look at Jews - they’re hands-down the most discriminated race/ethnicity on the planet. There is practically no continent where Jews haven’t been a target at some point in history. Just last century a maniac just got up and slaughtered six million of them. SIX ACTUAL MILLION. But how many butthurt Jews do you find? I think that’s directly related to their overall success, up to the point that a tiny strip of desert land surrounded by hostile nations is one of the most influential states in the world.</p>
<p>I don’t have the time or the energy to react when someone refers to “African” food or “African” culture or “African” words. And I still don’t see how watermelons are derogatory. It’s like the notion that people who eat soy products are hippie health nuts. Some people just like the taste of soy (I wonder why). Some cultures thrive on soy (Japan). Do you see Japanese people crying that everyone thinks they’re hippie health nuts?</p>
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<p>Somehow, I have this feeling that if an organization came and started presenting awards just to white students (even though it wasn’t explicitly part of their criteria) the whole country would be afire by now.</p>