<p>one of my now best friends…looked about 15 when we started college. I admit I liked her, and realized she was nice and bright but I also ignored her. I was busy running around with the faster crowd at that age and I matured early physically.<br>
She was constantly mistaken for a prefrosh visiting campus from high school, and callous young people like myself would sometimes not take her seriously in the first months of college. She discovered she was missing ovaries and would not be able to have children when she finally saw a specialist. She started on hormone therapy and caught up with everyone within a year in her appearance as an older teen/early 20s person. She adopted three children…one of them is my godson. She is a tenured professor at a good university, published and respected and she travels the globe. By her senior year in college, she was confident enough to travel overseas solo. She taught me to cook and we raised our children together with get togethers over the last thirty years. Now by the way, she looks a lot less wrinkled and old than her age peers. She looks almost as old as the rest of us, but she will always look a tad younger</p>
<p>One of my other best friends had to leave a public high school because she was so tiny and was getting tromped on, and the pediatrician thought she might never grow at all after looking at xrays of her joints etc. (this was in the 70s so nothing I tell you is really relevant to today’s science)
She and I are currently the same size. She just matured much later. The doctor’s dire predictions about her future status as a very small woman were incorrect. </p>
<p>Get a physical check up…our sons got 18 year old pre college check ups with their pediatricians and I was not in the room with their doctors. They were encouraged to use their pediatricians as private advisors sans parents in their teen years. Ask to get a referral or a hormone level check. Tell your mother you want to know that there is nothing to be done if you must accept your size and voice as they are… if she has to be told since you are on her health care plan. </p>
<p>It is weird to be on your parent’s health care for a long time but in today’s economy with Obama’s adjustment for young adults, you can opt to stay on a family plan till you are the age of 26 if you are working a job without health care coverage. We even put our Duke grad son on our health care the year he was 24-25 so he could avoid paying premiums out of his paltry paychecks. He has since made it onto his own health care plan and gone solo financially but </p>
<p>One way to change…is to change how you relate to your parents some. Ask for support and for respect and also for some privacy. In this economy you could be on their payroll for health care longer than seems natural so be honest with them but also start setting some boundaries.</p>
<p>In our household we expect each son to call home once a week and to be informative and polite, and to provide information that any parent would like to hear about no matter what. We however do not expect responses to texts and daily updates or to be their BFFs or Facebook friends. If we send an email that requires a response, we indicate that we would like a response ASAP. Otherwise, we try to just let them go and we look forward to those weekly visits. </p>
<p>One technique that I am suggesting…is that you set up a routine with your parents if they tend to be intrusive. They can “count” on a Sunday afternoon call weekly for instance. They can count on your remembering family birthdays with nice cards in the mail. They can count on you bringing gifts on major holidays that are thoughtful. If you get “ahead” of intrusive parents and fulfill a sort of schedule, you are in a stronger position to get them out of your hair on a daily basis. </p>
<p>I used to be a therapist. We always had a couple of patients who were too anxious and would call in the middle of the night with non emergency issues. We finally learned to say…“The therapist on call will phone you at 11pm to check on you”…this eliminated the 3am ridiculous call that the patient might have made out of anxiety or loneliness.</p>
<p>Same thing with parents. You initiate, you set up a routine, you respect their need to know but within boundaries that they will become accustomed to accept as normal. Don’t let them get you into having to respond to them on a daily basis, except in matters of finance, special occasions or real need. Set the boundaries early, take charge of being a good communicator and teach them that you also need days without them in your world weekly. </p>
<p>good luck…remember this is a process…congrats at least on your hard work in high school as it will give you the blessing of a good education. It is right and good now to focus on your emotional and social being while you also treat classes like a real paying job…you are correct in believing that the 20s should be about making friends that will last as you age up. so many good wishes!</p>