I’m currently attending West Virginia University (WVU) as an undergraduate freshman student. WVU was not my first choice and the primary reason I applied to the school was due to the fact that it has reasonable OOS tuition rates and both my mother and uncle attended the school. I was waitlisted and ultimately denied at my first choice school so I had to make a decision between schools I never saw myself attending in the first place. I ultimately chose WVU due to it’s big sports program and wide array of majors and academic opportunities. I was born and raised in the Northern Virginia suburbs of Washington D.C. and no one else from my graduating class attended WVU, meaning I was leaving all my friends behind and going over 3 hours away to a OOS school. I was initially hesitant/anxious about attending this school, although over the summer I gradually became more excited about going away to school and having a fresh start. As the discussion title states, I am regretting my college choice and I feel as if this school is not the right fit for me socially. I had plenty of friends in high school, was on the Varsity XC/Track team for all 4 years and overall, despite the ups and downs, had a positive high school experience. I made some bad friend choices my first semester and ended up with a frayed and decaying friend “group” by Thanksgiving Break. To be honest, I am generally miserable and very unhappy here, it is taking a definite toll on my mental health and happiness. I found myself counting down the days until both Thanksgiving and Winter Break. When I was home and with my friends I found myself much happier and less miserable. I discussed staying at home and attending the nearby community college and then going to a closer state university in the fall where I know people and have friends at. While my parents were somewhat open to that option they still strongly encouraged me to go back to school and branch out by joining clubs, throwing myself into more social situations, etc. I just joined the Track Club and have already met and will meet again with one of the school’s counselors through the free counseling center. I have reached out to other people but I still feel depressed and sad, I regret not staying home and wish my parents could see how much this is taking a toll on my happiness and overall health. It has also taken a toll on my grades which were not remotely close to failing but not stellar either, I have a strong desire to go home but I feel ashamed and since I have family members who attended this school I worry about what they will think of my decision to transfer home. My parents are loving and supportive individuals but they are strongly for me staying here. I am looking for any advice on how I can tackle this problem and what I can do to convince them that this school just is not the right fit for me and show them how unhappy and depressed I feel. I had a large, diverse, and colorful friend group in high school so I have no idea how it did not translate into having a like-minded group at this school. The constant party culture just does not sync with my personality and interests. I wish I had attended George Mason University and commuted instead of putting myself through this awful and mentally draining ordeal. DISCLAIMER: I am in no way attacking this school in a negative light, WVU has excellent academic programs and a lot of school spirit, it is just not the right school for me. I am looking for advice and if you were a parent in this situation would you believe coming home for a little while would be justified?
First year is tough, but imo you should give it a chance. Wvu is just a cool place, but certainly different from what you’re used to. Try to embrace it and enjoy it. You can still transfer next year if you want. Life is less about what happens to you and more about how you react to it. Good luck.
If you were my kid and were miserable like you describe, and it wouldn’t cost me extra to have you transfer back home to a closer school with your friends, I would support that idea. I know plenty of kids who didn’t make it passed the first semester at their first college. I’m sorry that you are not happy in your current situation.
Obviously, you are dissatisfied and have buyer’s remorse. Don’t make yourself miserable about it. Just focus on academics and try to transfer to a realistic school for sophomore year. A lot of people transfer. Just examine the reasons you picked your current school, how those reasons were in retrospect flawed, and try to improve on the process for the transfer school. Don’t worry about what your high school friends did. Do what works for you.
Getting involved again in cross country and track could help your mental state. Exercise is beneficial for lifting your mood. It will also give you the opportunity to meet students who care about their health and might share your aversion to constant partying. Definitely meet with the mental health counselor, and you might consider sending out some applications elsewhere for next year so you have options if things don’t get better where you are.
Students transfer all the time. It’s not the end of the world and certainly nothing to be “ashamed” of. My advice would be to identify a few schools closer to home and determine their transfer application deadlines. Then focus on keeping your grades up to make the transfer possible. Of course a discussion with your parents is in order to let them know of your intentions. You have articulated quite well that you are unhappy and that your mental health is suffering. Hopefully your parents will understand and support your decision. I would not want my own child feeling any pressure to remain in an environment where they are unhappy and think most parents feel the same way.
It does make sense to finish out the year. It will keep you on track and also allow you to say that you gave your current school a fair chance. Sometimes things fall into place that second semester but if they don’t you should have apps in to provide you with other options for the Fall. In the meantime don’t beat yourself up over this and hope things improve enough to see you through this academic year.
Finish this semester, go to a community school near home, try to do well and transfer to GM or another school you like. Frankly, GM is just as good as West VA. I am from Northern VA also so I get where you are coming from. I didn’t even want to go to UVA because I wasn’t crazy about moving there. You strike me as a pretty mature person. My sister went to GM, and it never occurred to her to even apply to WV.
I guess my view is different. I think that it is important to keep your transcript in good shape if you want to transfer, and you stated that your depression and unhappiness is not helping your grades.
I also think, more importantly, that your mental health, or state of happiness, may get worse if you persist. Depression as a clinical situation requires treatment and meds and cannot be fought by trying new clubs. Unhappiness, on the other hand, can sometimes be improved by those things. My concern is that you might be depressed, rather than unhappy, if you get my distinction here.
I think you should withdraw while you can still get a refund, if possible, and also before you get W’s on your transcript. And go home to rethink your path.
You could also see a psychiatrist if your counselor thinks you are , indeed, depressed, and try meds and continue. If you do that, register with the Office for Disabilities and get some accommodations. This can mean single room, if needed, extra time, reduced courseload, excused absences for appointments and other things.
Only you know how bad things are. If you were my child I would just welcome you home. But it is common for kids to still be unhappy at this point in freshman year and sometimes things are vastly improved by spring. So it is hard to tell.
NO harm in leaving, many options would be possible, but if you are leaving do it before there are financial or academic consequences. Good luck!!
Try to reach out to one other like-minded student, maybe someone in your Track club, in order to start to build a support network where you are now.
And continue to explore your options. WVU might not be a good fit for you. But remember many students have a hard time adjusting to being away.
Also please remember that your friend group at home is likely spread out all over the place attending their own colleges, so you won’t be going home to your HS situation.
Good luck and continue to talk to your parents. If my child felt like you do I would want to know.
I think you need to take a serious look at how much of your current unhappiness is because of residual unhappiness about not getting into your top choice school. This is the pitfall if students who latch into a “dream school” and don’t develop a full list of schools they would genuinely like to attend. You need to put that aside – but some of your situation has roots in having not given your first college search the focus it needed. You don’t want to make that mistake again.
That said, you are where you are. A couple things to consider:
How confident are you that you have a solid list of transfer schools identified now where you feel you can meet your academic goals and be happy? You don’t want to transfer and just go through the same thing again. But if you have visited your transfer choices, are confident in their strength in your major, and think you have a reasonable chance of getting in, go ahead with transfer applications for next fall.
Can you stay focused enough to get decent grades this semester so you have a solid start to your college work that can transfer to a new college? If you can, I’d suggest sticking out this semester and doing that. Then go home for the summer and start at a new college in the fall. If you don’t think you can do this, then withdraw now. If you can, do your best to enjoy this semester and fill out transfer apps.
Sometimes a student will do this, and then decide not to transfer. Second semester can bring improvements as you settle in. And that is fine. Give yourself options by applying to transfer, then assess things once you have acceptances.
A generation ago I went through the same thing. For me, it was that I didn’t get housing at UC Berkeley (most freshman used to have to fend for themselves) so my parents made me go to my second choice. Big time frat boy party culture, it was way too easy, and most people went home every weekend. Here is what worked for me:
1 - I swam on my own every day. Exercise is key.
2 - I joined a few clubs where I could find like minded people.
3 - I applied (and eventually did) transfer.
I did 1 and 2 to see if I could make a go of it at that school. #3 was my escape if I wanted it (and it turns out I did).
My advice is to try to make a go of it at WVU and figure out where you would transfer that would work. Don’t get stuck in the rut of needing to be with high school friends etc. You can never recreate high school. This is about finding a college with the academics that will get you to where you want to go and the social life that will make you happy. And like the others said: keep an open dialogue with your parents…and a counselor.
You need to start running again. My son is a runner and doing club level CC/track was great for his psychological well being in college.
A brief reading of your post yields this.
1- You and WVU may be a mismatch. Advice given by posters- either transfer to a local CC for the spring semester or concentrate on having good grades to be able to transfer.
2- You need to let go of HS. You and your HS friends have moved on to separate/individual lives. Freshman year of college is when most students spend time with old HS friends but then they move on. You may get stuck in the past because you are not developing a new life for yourself but your old friends are. You can not expect your return to mean things will be the same as they once were. Vacations become brief getting together social events but daily life does not include you, nor will it in the future.
Many students become an only from their area when they go OOS. It works for many because they embrace the new place. You seem stuck in both worlds. The old will not work the way it did in the past. You could spend spring semester embracing WVU and see if things improve. Plus follow counseling advice given above by posters.
This is all very good advice. If you are regretful, sad, and wishfully thinking about the imagined perfection of another school, that’s different than being clinically depressed. You will have different solutions for those, but you cannot recreate high school and most freshmen struggle with bouts of self doubt, loneliness, and second guesing. I wouldn’t necessarily dwell on your situation as abnormal, unfortanate as it is. You are grievng, I think, and that takes time.
There are only about 150 days until the schoolyear ends. As a parent, I would ask you to call often, get exercise and join a club or two, and discuss your choices over the summer. If you are miserable, I’d totally support transferring. In the meantime, do your best to get your work done, don’t compare your life to social media or “what if”, and maybe keep a journal. LIfe often surprises all of us with a change of plans — you are young, and new at this. Course correction is to be expected, and nobody who loves you will care.
My daughter has a somewhat similar situation, except she was at what she thought was her dream school. She was miserable because of the social scene. She loved many other aspects of the school and their academics. She finished out first semester with great grades and is now going to live at home for the second semester while going to a community college and just getting some transferable credits. She is currently refilling out the Common app and will most likely end up at a school somewhat closer to home with a friend or 2 for the start of sophomore year. No harm done and her mental state is so much better. I think it is important to keep your grades up if you want a chance at transferring. We talked to some college counselors about our dilemma when it was going on and while they said that staying at your school the full year and giving it a chance was typically what they recommended, they also said that if your grades drop because of your unhappiness it will be harder to transfer. In my daughters situation they recommended that she leave after first semester as she tried doing clubs, counseling, etc…
Many people dismiss the toll that being unhappy/depressed takes and just tell you to “stick it out”. That doesn’t work for everyone.
If it is possible for you to quickly sign up at a community college near home while applying to schools you want to attend next year, I would present that to your parents. Or if that is not possible and you would just need to get a job next semester present that as well. It is important to have a plan.
If you’re not happy being isolated from family and friends, then maybe you should transfer. When you have depression, it really does help to be close to people you’re familiar with. I would do it sooner than later. If your depression gets worse, it can take a real toll on your grades and completely sabotage your ability to get back to your family.
Keep your grades up and apply to a variety of schools in Virginia, including GMU and a few others. Deadlines will soon come up. Once decisions and acceptances arrive, you can make a decision as to whether you’d rather transfer or go.
Your parents will be fine either way. As for your relatives, explain VA instate is cheaper and they’ll understand.
Hey, I had to do a double take because I thought this was a thread that I posted like 3 years ago. I grew up in Loudoun County and attended Briar woods where I ran cross country and track all four years. I went to WVU and ended up not liking being that far away from home and things I was comfortable with. At WVU, I lived in The Vandalia apartments right by Ming Hsieh Hall or w/e.
I ended up busting my ass the entire year and walking out with a 3.7 or so GPA and transferred to Mason where I graduated from this past August with my bachelor’s in accounting.
I just want to let you know that I was in such a similar situation to you that I thought your thread was my own, which is why I clicked here in the first place.
If you absolutely have to be close to home (NoVa is pretty nice), you could apply to Liberty University and do your entire course load online, but you will probably be lonely.