I want to hit my MIL with a baseball bat!

Parent Cafe
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<p>True. But in our case, it was genuinely “wasted” because the deductible was so high ($15K per year) that we never got a cent of coverage, while the premiums could have paid for actual care that we chose to do without that would have improved our quality of life. </p>

<p>Now we don’t even have that, so it really feels as if the $40K was thrown down a rate hole. I could use that money now, and we probably would have been better off saving it. The insurance company made a nice profit off of us.</p>

<p>I am, of course, happy that we never actually exceeded our deductible.</p>

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<p>^^ I do hope that we get health insurance reform! We’re happy with our insurance. No deductibles and reasonable premiums. Our yearly tests would otherwise cost us a pretty penny. Of course, it’s because we work for large companies. One thing I hope comes out is that small businesses and individuals can join pools with grater bargaining power.</p>

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<p>One thing that worries me about the reform proposals is the idea of taxing “high priced” plans. Surely they mean “high benefit” plans. We are a medium sized law firm and about 10 years ago premiums went up so much that the partners agreed to high premiums and high deductibles so that the staff can have lower premiums and reasonable deductibles. Surely no one is going to tax me for taking the hit for the staff…?</p>

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<p>I had one this week and found a pretty funny website to pass the time the night before. It was one of the first things to come up when you google magnesium citrate. [Magnesium</a> Citrate Blow-Out | PoopReport.com](<a href=“http://www.poopreport.com/Consumer/magnesium_citrate.html]Magnesium”>http://www.poopreport.com/Consumer/magnesium_citrate.html)
Not something I would normally read in my spare time, but perfect when you are in the middle of the prep period.</p>

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<p>Insurance is no guarantee of health care. My kid was on COBRA for two months and the processing took so long she could not get her expensive medication she needed this week. When the new plan kicked in this week (Tuesday), we were back to square one. She is now two days past her dose (a bi-weekly shot) and feeling ill. I have spent probably close to twelve hours over the last month (her job precludes her from being able to phone during business hours so she authorized me) trying to get people to do their jobs so she can get her medication. Now, the authorization is in to the insurance company but they are refusing to tell the special pharmacy company to go ahead. They want it to go through their computer which will take a full day and then, rather than being able to ship the drug today for tomorrow, it will go over into Tuesday (because of Labor day) and she won’t have it until next Wednesday (assuming nothing else goes wrong) at which point she will have been in pain for a week. This drug is not available in drugstores and the doctor has no samples because it’s so expensive, and the drug company can only help people who don’t have insurance etc. I am siting at home, virtually a prisoner in my own home lest I leave the phone, while someone at Blue Cross is supposedly trying to make things happen. As DD pointed out last night, she is one of the lucky ones. She is well-educated, has parents who are professionals and one parent who is able to make endless phone calls and who has an established record of being a successful advocate who gets things done - and she has insurance. And yet, here she is with insurance, with a treatment plan in place, and getting sicker by the minute while they take their time. And, of course, this is hardly a compelling story. The compelling story is my dear friend who had health insurance and needed an emergency replacement of her aortic valve because, after a heart infection, there was vegetation on it that, if it broke off which it could have at any moment according to doctors, would have killed her. She was waiting on authorization for the surgery and her company called and said it would go to a 30 day review panel. When I spoke to her, I thought the stress of that news was going to kill her right then and there. A call from a lawyer was what it took for the insurance company to approve it immediately. Had she not had someone help her find someone who could rattle them, she might have died. Why should it take lawyers and/or endless phone calls to get the health care that you are paying for? In my friends case, as she told them, it would have been cheaper for them if she had died. In my daughter’s case, it will be more expensive for them if she ends up at the ER, so it doesn’t even make financial sense.</p>

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<p>I don’t want to turn this thread into a political one, and I apologize for taking it in that direction.
I do hope that people will not be deterred by costs from having life-saving tests. As my siblings’ stories attest, costs are not the only obstacles; fear and stubbornness are huge factors. But I sympathize with B&P. I’m over my anger at my siblings: their children are grown and have children of their own. But I also know those children’s lives could have been so much easier if my siblings had taken the tests, then followed up with treatment. </p>

<p>Tests are no guarantee of good health; people make mistakes; some diseases still do not have cures. But there are plenty of diseases that are eminently treatable if detected early.</p>

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<p>Well, to get back to the OP:</p>

<p>First off, I want to thank everyone for your kind and sympathetic words. Pima and I enjoy coming on this site, and always will, because we have made some great friends on here, even if most of them are people we’ll never meet outside of cyberspace.</p>

<p>Devastating news today, as we got word back from my folks that my mother’s oncologist has confirmed the cancer has spread to her lymph nodes and she has Stage 3 cancer. We’ll take it one step at a time as a family. First step is to get her healed from her surgery, second step is to start the rounds of chemo. We’ll take the next steps after that as they come. We just have to say our daily prayers for her, and live on the hopes of the Dr’s words that this type of cancer has a high survival rate.</p>

<p>Do I want to take a bat to my mom for not being more cautious on getting herself checked out? Well, that’s just crying over spilt milk to me at this point, and I’ll save my crying for the tougher, more important times. She’s a trooper, she’ll fight this tooth and nail. It’s tougher having to see how devastated and scared my father is, the NY street tough who was never afraid of anything in his life. You can see in his eyes and hear it in his voice the thoughts he must be having of losing the love of his life, the woman he has been with for nearly 60 years. I keep my chin up in front of my mom, but watching him just breaks my heart.</p>

<p>As to Pima’s OP? Well, my mother had gall bladder surgery 3 years back and part of the prep for that was a complete CAT scan of the area; no signs of Colon cancer at that time. So here she was thinking she was in perfect health, and it looked that way. Most people pegged her age as somewhere in the 55 area, and were amazed when she told them she was nearly 70. But the point is, she didn’t see the need for a Colonoscopy. Would it have helped and perhaps caught it earlier? Most likely, but again, water under the bridge.</p>

<p>I urge each of us to heed the warning. If you are considered high risk, either through age or family history, please, please, PLEASE get checked. Colon Cancer is not known as the Silent Killer without reason.</p>

<p>In the meantime, I’m heading up to be with them this weekend, giving my support. They need it. I’ll be there, taking it one step at a time.</p>

<p>Bullet</p>

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<p>Bullet:</p>

<p>So sorry to hear the bad news. Still Stage 3 cancer is not inoperable, so there is hope still of a good outcome. I will keep you, Pima and your mother in my thoughts.</p>

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<p>Thoughts and prayers for Pima’s Mother along with Pima, Bullet and the rest of the family.</p>

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<p>Bullet - I am so sorry to hear your news. It sounds like it must have been a very fast growing cancer (my Mum’s doctor estimated that hers had been growing for about 15 years but it had not spread to her lymph nodes like your Mom’s). </p>

<p>Best wishes to you all for the difficult days ahead.</p>

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<p>Best wishes to you, your mom, dad and entire family in the coming months.</p>

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<p>I, too, am sorry. Medical advances have been huge. Pay attention to nutrition during her recovery and then treatment. If the body is well nourished she’ll do better.</p>

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<p>my prayers for your mom bullet, I only know you through your posts (and bulletandpimas) and have always felt a kinship with your views.</p>

<p>my mom also had stage 3 colon cancer and survived the ordeal. That was several years ago. my best.</p>

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<p>I’m sorry to hear your news. Your mom is lucky to have a supportive family to help her fight this fight.</p>

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<p>Bullet and Pima, my thoughts are with you. My F recently was treated for prostate cancer that resurfaced in his bladder after 16 years. They apparently succeeded in eradicating the bladder cancer, but it has now appeared in his bones. He was treated with radiation on one area, and I gather that worked, but it is unclear whether there is anything that can at least slow down the progression in another spot. My M & F, like yours, are a long married couple who are totally devoted to each other. I have always shuddered to think of one of them surviving the other…</p>

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<p>My parents are so close, I have this feeling that they have a secret suicide pact, so one won’t really survive the other. I’m only half kidding…My mom is a huge worrier but doesn’t seem to worry about that issue, so I feel like down deep she doesn’t intend to survive Dad.</p>

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<p>I remember growing up and we all joked in the family that when either my Uncle Lou or his wife died, the other would be gone with in 6 months because they were so connected. Unfortunately that did not occur, he died about 5 yrs ago and she now has sunsetters, she just gave up living her life (they volunteered, traveled, babysat, etc) but her body refuses to go. It is so sad.</p>

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<p>Pima,
I am so sorry to hear this news about MIL. My thoughts are with you and your family. And this thread has convinced me to do the testing! I also am uninsurable because of a pre-existing medical condition. (We pay $15,000 to insure husband and kids.) I have been avoiding the test due to expense and fear. ( If I get bad news, we don’t have the financial resources to deal with it.) But I realize I must take the first step and then deal with the results later. Anyway, I am praying for strength for your family to deal with days ahead.</p>

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<p>When I spoke to my Mom last night, I told her the only silver lining that has come out of this is that now Bullet knows to be tested at an earlier age. My mom was upset because she can’t grasped why she didn’t do it since they both have the exact same coverage and it did not cost my Mom a dime, plus Bullets parents are more financially secure, cost was never an issue.</p>

<p>Please go and do it, no matter what the cost is, because even if it is $700+ out of pocket, isn’t $2 a day for the next yr worth it to live?</p>

<p>I am also concerned as others have stated she must have an aggressive form since the tumor was the size of a tennis ball and she had a CAT 3 yrs ago. My Dad died of AML and his was very aggressive. I am only hoping that the CAT did not pick it up and this has been there for yrs. </p>

<p>He spoke to his Dad last night and they will not be doing radiation anymore, just outpatient chemo 1x a week for 6 months. Can anybody tell me if this is a good sign that it is outpatient compared to the full blown in the hospital course? My only experience with chemo was my Dads and when they did that it meant go home and get your life in order. This of course was 16 yrs ago and a lot has changed. When he had AML there was only a 5% survival rate for 1 yr, now there is 95% survival rate. SO I know the medical world has changed and I need to be updated.</p>

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<p>I know a number of older friends who feel that way. Reminds me of the John Cougar Mellencamp song, “Life goes on–long after the thrill of living is gone.”</p>