So I am in a bit of a dilemma. I hate college, but not my education just the idea of being there and living there. I come home every weekend because I only have two in person classes so I really have no reason to be on classes other than those 4 hours a week. I have a few friends but all the friendships are surface level because I am struggling with my own mental health issue that have gotten significantly worse since going to college. I know that the reason I could be struggling is because I go home so often, but my home is my happy place and we’re I feel that I am my best self. I want to move home because I hate it there so much and I don’t want to pay. I love 45 mins from campus with traffic about 50 mins but I am willing to commute. My parents are really pushing me to stay but it’s just making me want to leave more. I want to get a job as well but there are not many jobs available on campus. If I commute I know it could ruin a lot of things for me but right now that seems like the only option as I don’t party and want to come home and see my family on weekends and the new dog so I see no point in staying there. My roommate also has no respect for me and my boundaries and it has gotten extremely bad. I just need some advice on what to do I guess.
This is an issue best discussed among you, your parents,and–if any–your therapist/counselor/doctor.
Based just on the information contained in your post, I am in agreement with you, but I do not know much about your situation so my opinion should be taken with caution.
Are you in treatment for your mental health issues? Do your parents know those issues have gotten significantly worse?
It’s obvious you’re in distress. My advice would be to have this discussion with a counselor or therapist and talk about what’s going on and why you feel like moving home is the only option.
Your parents don’t want you home. That speaks volumes.
I have an anxious kid. He came home more often his first year of college. But he stuck with it. He’s now 20 and I’m so proud of how much he’s matured and grown.
Your parents likely know that living at home will stunt your growth. It sounds like they don’t want you depending on them forever. College is a good first step.
Do you have a counselor that is helping you with your mental health? That is first and foremost!
Please do not worry about getting a job until you have your health concerns addressed.
Don’t underestimate the impact of a long a commute on your ability to study and be successful academically. That’s a long commute and remember that you should be participating in study groups, attending office hours, review sessions, etc…
Going home every weekend is going to make it harder for you to find your people at school.
If you are having boundary issues with your roommate, go talk to your RA. Escaping home isn’t going to solve that problem. IMO, it will make it worse when you are there because the roommate is getting used to living alone every weekend.
You’ve got this OP. It’s very early in the school year and it’s an adjustment. Give yourself time!
Would you feel better if you could switch rooms/get a single? If you felt more comfortable in your room, maybe it would be better.
OP- hugs to you. This sounds very challenging.
But to reframe things- learning to push back and deal with a roommate with unreasonable boundaries is a good skill to have- you will have nosey coworkers some day, a boss with unreasonable expectations, a neighbor who plays the drums at 2 am. Learning how to cope with these things is a life lesson.
Similarly- figuring out how to find “your people” is a challenge that persists in life. You get promoted at work- fabulous! But it means working out of a different office where you don’t know anyone.
Figure out your mental health needs with a counselor before you make any changes to your living situation. Commuting often means feeling MORE isolated- you’ll spend lots of hours every week by yourself, parachuting on to campus, then leaving again. Professor’s office hours, TA’s review sessions, fun activities- none of these are going to jive with your commuting schedule.
Give it some time and get yourself to counseling. You can do this! And moving home to see the new dog- in lieu of optimizing your college experience- might seem like a bad decision down the road. You might be asking yourself “what the heck was I thinking?” You haven’t been at college long enough to know that living on campus isn’t for you- you just know that home is more comfortable (we all feel that way sometimes) and that you’re off to a rocky start which is exacerbating your mental health issues (and most of us have been through that).
My advice would be to leave commuting on the table, but don’t jump to it right now.
Give living at college a good try. Promise yourself you won’t go home every weekend. Try staying for one weekend and plan stuff to do on that weekend — doesn’t have to be every minute planned, but look for some activities on campus that interest you and plan to do one of those. Leave some time to just hang out in your dorm and common spaces too. Make a plan with one of your acquaintances to get coffee or lunch together. Really give it a good try to have a fun weekend!
If you can keep it up and stretch out the number of weekends you stay at college so go from going home every weekend to every other weekend to every third weekend to once a month. Evaluate how you feel at the end of the semester and if it still seems like commuting is the best plan then talk to your parents some more about that. They might enjoy having someone at home to look after the dog while they travel somewhere for a weekend!