<p>[Beverly</a> Beckham: I was the sun, the kids were my planets - The Boston Globe](<a href=“http://www.boston.com/news/local/articles/2006/08/27/i_was_the_sun_the_kids_were_my_planets/]Beverly”>http://www.boston.com/news/local/articles/2006/08/27/i_was_the_sun_the_kids_were_my_planets/)</p>
<p>Didn’t read this until it was reprinted in our local paper last month. Wish I’d seen it when my child was a freshman.
Didn’t see it on CC either, pardon if it’s a duplicate posting.</p>
<p>Oh great. Didn’t even have a box of kleenex in the room.</p>
<p>I am in the office and trying to fight back my tears. Great article. Thanks for sharing.</p>
<p>That sums it up perfectly, thanks. Hard to see the computer screen though.</p>
<p>She makes a good point when she says that you miss “the children they were.”</p>
<p>Somehow, even spending time with the adults they have become doesn’t fill the place in our lives that was once filled by those children.</p>
<p>At the beginning of this summer, one of my kids spent about a month at home after college graduation, getting ready to move into a new apartment and start a new job. During that month, we spent a great deal of time together, shopping for furniture and other household items, talking about and planning all the things that had to be done, and moving her possessions into her new place. It was an interesting time, and I enjoyed being with her, even though it meant discovering that she’s a lot better than I am at assembling IKEA furniture.</p>
<p>But even during that month, I missed the child she once was and the role that I used to play in her life and her brother’s. Nothing else in my life was ever as meaningful, and I don’t expect that anything ever will be again.</p>
<p>you should have warned us it was going to be a tear jerker![ sob] now my mascara has run down my face!</p>
<p>Marian, I know exactly how you feel. My D is a rising senior, and while we were driving her back to school last weekend I couldn’t help but think “This is it.” No longer will she spend large blocks of time at home (she already has a permanent job after graduation.) Truth be told, no longer would she WANT to spend large blocks of time at home - her life is/will be elsewhere. I know that this is the “way things are supposed to be,” but I don’t have to like it.</p>
<p>I have helped her shop for interview clothes (and then for professional clothes), and I advised her on what type of sofa to buy. Both of these were fun but sad; there’s that little nagging voice in my head that whispers “she’s all grown up now.” Even though she enjoys spending time with me now, even though we go shopping and to the movies together, there’s still part of me that misses that surly teenager. At least she was still at home then!</p>
<p>I have thought much about the end of the movie lately, when Private Ryan asks his wife if he was a good man…</p>
<p>Have I been a good dad? I don’t know if I’ll ever get an answer. I do know I always did the best I could so, maybe that’s enough.</p>
<p>I always seem to find myself on the opposite end of the majority opinions on these types of things. I am happy to pull back from being the sun. I am happy with the adults they are growing into and do not really miss the children they were. I have been a SAHM for 21 years, and did have a hard time initially with oldest D leaving, and I am a worrier, so I will always worry about my kids, but the second one leaving has been much less traumatic. And I am counting down until the third moves on! I am certainly not going to sit around saying “I don’t know what I will do without her”!</p>
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<p>Well said.</p>
<p>Excellent article- never saw it before. Thanks for posting the link. Read it everyone.</p>
<p>To Marian and others - from what my mother and father in law tell me, being a grandparent is incredible, so there is hope in rekindling those feelings.</p>
<p>Yes, but given family histories of marriage and children it will likely be another decade or two before that happens with the 20 something child. Much too soon to think of grandparenting for some of us, we need to be living in the present, not some distant future.</p>
<p>I had 2 of those moments this past week that I will hold onto and cherish. A sweet compliment from DS#1 and sincere words of appreciation from DS #2. A double header!</p>
<p>** btw- that article was a tear-jerker.</p>
<p>So true, that essay.<br>
I used to wonder why so many emptynesters got puppies. Puppies require a Lot of Attention. DH and I were sure we would never do that.
One year ago, we launched our last kid. Our house was finally empty. We had our kids later in life than most. We have always been oldish parents. We liked our quieter life.</p>
<p>We did not get a puppy. We were not even tempted. Not us!
Last May, we adopted a 6 year old Labradoodle, a rescue dog from a kill shelter in Tennessee. A companion for our 10 year old Doodle, who had shown no signs of loneliness. I guess we were just being charitable.
Hah! Dogs do a pretty good job of filling the void!</p>
<p>Very sweet. But I prefer to think of myself as the booster rocket, the one that launched them into their perhaps unpredictable trajectory into unknown realms, the one without which they would never have gone…and the one they need to leave behind in order to reach their potential.</p>
<p>Sometimes I even believe it.</p>
<p>Thanks for linking to that poignant article.</p>
<p>We delivered our youngest to a college five hours from home eight days ago. She was a joy to parent–interesting, smart, accomplished and kind. My strategy to fend off the blues is to focus on good things in the present. (I can’t say that this is working all the time.) My daughter is loving her college experience–and that is great to hear.</p>
<p>Another poster wrote about looking forward to having grandchildren. We’re fortunate that our 27 year old son and daughter-in-law live only about 30 minutes from us. Our grandson is ten months old. We were invited to be at the hospital during the birth (not in delivery room, thankfully). So we’ve been a part of his life since he was about 30 minutes old. Since then we’ve seen him once or twice weekly.</p>
<p>Last Saturday evening, both my wife and daughter-in-law were working. (They’re nurses.) I was feeling a bit lonely and blue, so I invited myself to my son’s house and brought a couple of steaks to grill. As I walked in, my grandson crawled over to me, got on his knees and reached his arms out for me to pick him up. That melted my heart. Later, my wife said “he must recognize you”. Well, I don’t know if that is true, quite yet–but I’m choosing to believe it.</p>
<p>And watching your child be a parent can be a gratifying experience too–like when he/she first rode a bike, or had some academic or sports accomplishment to witness. My wife and I have been gratified to see our son and wonderful daughter-in-law’s parenting skills developing. And they just announced that they’re expecting again–in April.</p>
<p>So, empty nesters–you have this to look forward too…</p>
<p>I felt all those things when we dropped DS off for freshman year. Savored all his brief visits home after each year. Began to cherish his returns a bit less during his 2 years of grad school…so much stuff returned with him, so little interest on his part to re-assimilate into OUR lives, too many abrupt comings and goings without much communication. He was pleasant enough when we caught his attention but that wasn’t often and I clearly was NOT the sun anymore to him! </p>
<p>He’s back home now, started a new job locally this week. I am certain he is plotting his next move. As it should be. Perhaps I can welcome the next step since I know he will be geographically close. How much time he will have for us old folks will be interesting to see.</p>
<p>Almost feel that life weaned us naturally into the new version of our family.</p>
<p>I’m actually in tears.</p>
<p>I’d never seen this before—What a moving article. Very well written and does she ever zero right in on the joys & sorrows. I still have a lump in my throat!</p>