<p>I have been desperately looking for advice but I don’t have anyone to talk to. I accidently clicked on my CC bookmark and thought that I might as well post here and get any advice I could get. Here’s my situation:</p>
<p>I’m 18 and a high school senior. I believe that I’m a pretty good kid. I have excellent grades, have never been in trouble at school, am going to my dream college next year. Basically, everything has gone pretty good in my life. I have never drank alcohol, I have never done drugs or smoked cigarettes, I have never partied before.</p>
<p>All of that might be changing. I went to Prom with this girl who was my friend. The thing is, she is the complete opposite of me. She parties a lot, she drinks, she does drugs. Things were kind of weird between us at Prom and to make a long story short, she and I haven’t talked since. I really want to talk to her but I know that she doesn’t want to talk to me. I hear from her friends that she didn’t really have a good time with me and now I’m extremely sad because I really like her and things are now weird between us.</p>
<p>Now I feel like the innocent, good natured, respectful part of me has died. I have never sweared in public for over 7 years and now the “s-word” and the “f-word” are half of my vocabulary. I am now tempted to drink and tempted to go out and party. I have lost the will to do anything. I don’t want to do homework, I don’t want to go out with my friends, I even have lost much of my appetite. Every time I go online and see her on, I just feel so sad. It’s a pain that I have never felt before. I don’t know why this suddenly happened but this is how I feel now.</p>
<p>I could really use some advice. Is there any way for things to be cool between me and my friend again? Is there any way that I can alleviate some of this pain that I am feeling? I don’t want to be the guy who drinks, does drugs, and puts his own life at risk but I just feel so tempted. Again, I could really use some advice here. Thanks and sorry for the long read.</p>
<p>If you don’t want to be the guy who drinks and does drugs, the solution is easy: Don’t do those things.</p>
<p>I’m confused why the sudden temptation. Just to get the girl to like you again? She liked you before so I don’t think her affections are tied to these behaviors.</p>
<p>Some many years ago, I could have written something similar when things were not working out with the object of my affections.</p>
<p>It sounds like you are suffering due to romantic rejection. You have joined an immense club. </p>
<p>If this is indeed your problem, then realize that time is the best healer. While time is doing its wonderful work, though, don’t change an ephemeral problem into a long-standing one by doing something irresponsible and against your basic nature. Try to keep yourself busy and away from reminders of her.</p>
<p>In my case, the time required was a few months. I happened to run into her by sheer coincidence in another city about four months later, and I was fine. YMMV.</p>
<p>Seriously, this girl wasn’t for you. You need someone who will appreciate for your merits–not shun you for what you’re not.</p>
<p>Relationships are hard and obviously if you’re involved, it’s hard to just give up. But, in this one, it might be for the best. Find someone deserving of you!</p>
<p>If you need to change your values to impress this girl, she is not worth it. Give it two months and see if you don’t feel a lot better. In the mean time look around at the girls from your school who share your values. You may find one who is a much better match.</p>
<p>The best cure I know for what you are suffering from is to keep busy. Find a job, go to the gym. Don’t spend a lot of time on the computer pining after her. Easier said than done I know. I really do think you would do better with a girl who shares your values.</p>
<p>I have a different perspective as the " bad girl"
I wouldn’t change your values in any way, that is probably something she respects about you.
I would expect she is as confused and awkward as you are feeling. She may not share the feelings of infatuation that you have, but unless something major has happened, I would think she would still want to be friends.</p>
<p>I wouldn’t listen to her friends, they may be threatened by you.
I would write out ( not on the computer) what you want to say to her. Mail it or not.
She may be, being told that you don’t want to see * her*, that you are too good for her. You don’t know that.
I think you need to talk to her yourself & clear things up.</p>
<p>Not only are you dealing with a romantic rejection, but probably a good case of Senioritis, burn-out… and the sudden realization that your life is about to change forever as high school ends and college starts. Give yourself a break, it’s a lot to handle at once! A sudden desire to be something you have never been before may be your inner self reacting to everything going on around you. Hold on to the logical, good part of your brain, it will eventually re-gain control if you let it.</p>
<p>That said, perhaps you should take a deep breath and give her a call (or start an IM conversation). Ask her if something is bothering her, or if you did something to make her dislike you. It might turn out it’s nothing to do with you, or maybe she misinterpreted something. It might also be that she doesn’t like you, which would be a big downer, but you won’t know until you ask.</p>
<p>I think sometimes when we’re hurt, we get angry and want to hurt someone. When you can’t do that, unfortunately, sometimes you try to hurt yourself. This is bad. Really bad.</p>
<p>If it’s not that, but you are trying to change who you are to appeal to her, you need to stop. You deserve someone who will love you for who you are - and there are plenty of “good girls” (and some “bad” ones, too) looking for “good guys”. Please don’t let this setback derail the great young man you are.</p>
<p>You sound a lot like me in high school. I went in as someone who was totally on the straight and narrow. I wanted to be liked so badly, that I did what everyone (seemingly everyone) did in order to fit in. It worked, I was popular in that group, <strong>but</strong> I was miserable. I was a Christian and felt awfully convicted that I ought not to be doing that stuff. My freshman year in college, I finally realized that I had to stop living on the fence. That if folks didn’t like who I was, well, who needed them? I sought out some Christian groups on campus, got involved in student government and made tons of friends - one of which I married four years later. Be who you are. It’s easier, happier, and really, more fun.</p>