<p>Okay, so I am a Junior in college. My freshman year I rushed a social fraternity my second semester. I wasnt happy with college at that point. A couple weeks in all my friends and family were not supporting what I was doing. Obviously my friends outside the fraternity did not want me to join. Theyd say I was a ■■■■■■ for doing it, frat kids are fags blah blah blah blah blah At that point I was a people pleaser and could not go through with it. When I quit I wasnt really upset because it was a lot of work, but it was fun. This will come into play later…
Now Im at my junior year. At the beginning of the semester I hit the most depressing part of my life. I started to get chronic pain all in my back. I like to lift weights a lot. I am 6 1, 205 lbs and like 8% body fat. I took bodybuilding very seriously before this for a long time. It really was not making me happy. I was so focused on my body I couldnt let loose and have fun. I went to counseling and all that good stuff and I now take antidepressants.
I really now am having fun with my life, but i still have that one regret of not joining that frat. I know its like **** man just move the **** on! I know, but I just really wish I would have joined one because I know I would have had so much more fun. Whenever I see guys with letters, every single *<strong><em>ing day Im just like why did I not make that choice? Now I think about it all the time since I am living a looser lifestyle. Now I like to party more and have a good time. I cant say I hate my friends that I live with, but I mean its not that great. I just wish I could get this stupid *</em></strong>ing regret out of my head. I have dreams about joining them, literally dreams. I probably think about this **** 50 times every day. I bring it up to my counselor and all he says is move on, you have the rest of your life. Well why the **** do I think about this **** every day??? I have made steps. I am studying abroad this summer in France and traveling Europe. Whats better than that? I really hope it changes who I am and makes me happier! I am traveling with my roommate that I still hold a grudge against. He was the main reason I dropped the frat because every day hed call me a ■■■■■■ for doing it. Now, its like I know I learned and I just have to please myself, but now that makes the regret worse because I should have done it. I know this sounds dumb as **** and your like why do you hold this against you? I really dont know, I just cant figure it out! Like I know Id love to be in a fraternity and do all the **** that they do. Especially exchanges. I cant get laid for the life of me. I am honesltly one of the best looking kids in my school and I cant get laid. Its the *<strong><em>ing worst and it just makes it worse. *</em></strong> Im driving myself insaneeee</p>
<p>Hey buddy, </p>
<p>Sounds like you are in a tough spot. I do have some perspective for you, based on my experiences. I hope it can be helpful - feel free to use or disregard however you like 
</p>
<p>First, that’s awesome you are seeing a counselor. Regret is a tough thing to manage, no need to make it more difficult by dealing with it 100% on your own. Working with other people will help you get back on track faster than if you work through this by yourself. Have you and your counselor discussed Cognitive Behavior Therapy? If not, ask about it. Also, remember that anti-depressants can take a month to six weeks before being completely effective (which is terrible because all you want is to feel better NOW), but they are worth the effort. Stick with them. My biggest mistake was drinking while on anti-depressants. My drinking was a depressant, which basically neutralized the work the anti-despressants were doing and took me much longer to feel better. </p>
<p>Second, this quote helped me figure out a lot of friendships: “Friends are like elevators. They either bring you up or bring you down.” If your friends are bringing you down, it’s ok to step away from that friendship and make time in your day to build friendships with people who bring you up. </p>
<p>Third, that’s awesome you are deciding what you like to do, independent of what your friends like to do. You do not have to justify your decisions to anyone (except maybe your local law enforcement). Is it too late to join a fraternity at your college? </p>
<p>Fourth, your roommate sounds either jealous of you or jealous of people who get to spend time with you. Even if you hooked up with someone, he’d probably be critical of your choice, because they are taking your time and energy away from him. </p>
<p>Finally, it’s easy to look back at the big life decisions you make and wish you had made a better choice. The next time you really want to do something, you will stick with it. Look at all the things you were able to do because you were not in a fraternity - you are enjoying life, figuring things out and looking forward. Who knows how your fraternity experience would have been? It’s easy to look at people and think they have everything together, but the truth of the matter is that everyone struggles with stuff, and being a fraternity does not mean you would be happy all the time/getting laid all the time/having better friends.</p>
<p>Take care, </p>
<p>Lavalamp316</p>