<p>My grandma died monday after a long and stressful downhill spiral; she was in hospice and peacefully died in her sleep. Her funeral was today, and I wanted to do something special for my mom, because losing your mother, after just 6 years earlier losing your grandmother and father, must be incredibly hard. However, I’m on a limited budget, and not artistic at all. What special thing can I do for her?</p>
<p>Celebrian:</p>
<p>My heartfelt condolences. What can you do to help your mom? Be there for her. She may be too consumed by grief to care about cooking, housework and the like, so, if you can, take up some of those responsibilities. Make sure she takes good care of herself. Go on walks with her. Let her share her memories of her mom with you. It will help her and will give you things to remember as well.
If you want to give your mom something tangible, can you put together some scrapbook of photos and other mementoes of your grandma? It would not cost a lot, but if your mom does not have such a scrapbook already, she would treasure it, I’m sure.</p>
<p>Wonderful post marite and celebrian I, too send my condolences to you and your mom. My wife lost her mother earlier this year and sometimes just sitting with them and not talking can be a special gift, too.</p>
<p>celebrian,
what a great kid you are for being concerned for your mom. My own mother lost her mom and dad 10 days apart. Her mother died first and then her father. While I was very close to them myself (they were my grandparents!), it was much harder for me to watch my mother grieving. She was SO upset. </p>
<p>One thing you can do is to not take it too personally if your mom flies off the handle or is otherwise irritable more than usual. She is most likely not sleeping well and that, on top of the general being upset can really make people edgy. If you experience this, just be forgiving. </p>
<p>Simple things like making her coffee/tea before she wakes up or doing dishes/laundry, mowing the lawn without being asked, etc…
will all be appreciated :)</p>
<p>And I’m sorry for your loss</p>
<p>Celebrian…you are a sweet and kind daughter.</p>
<p>Years ago, when my mom lost her brother, I was away at school but wrote her a letter about how much I knew he meant to her and how I was thinking of her. She said later that it meant so much to her, because no one else in the family had met him (he lived in Holland, and she and I had spent time with him on a trip a few years earlier) and it felt good to know that I recognized the sense of loss she felt. </p>
<p>A few years ago I lost my mom. One of my daughters wrote an amazing, beautiful ode to her that I will keep always–expressing her pain at the loss. </p>
<p>Sharing memories of her mom, and offering to clean up or bring her tea when she is tired, will help her so much (as the others have said)–I know, as a mom, those things are simple but mean so very much.</p>
<p>I’m also sorry for your loss. </p>
<p>When my grandmother died I wrote my mom a long letter about what a wonderful mother she had and what a wonderful mother she was to me. She had learned from an expert. I included a lot of memories, funny stories, and words of wisdom from my grandmother. We lived just down the street from my grandmother and my sister and I spent a lot of time with her, so I had a lot of great memories. When my mom passed away a few years ago I found that letter while helping my dad sort through her stuff. It had obviously been read a lot.</p>
<p>celebrian~</p>
<p>I am so very sorry for the loss of your grandmother and for the grief that both you and your mother must be feeling right now. Many of the above posters have given you some excellent ideas for things you might do for you mom, so I will just say please accept my deepest sympathies. I’m sure your general sensitivity and your genuine feelings of affection for your mom will bring her much comfort. <3, ~berurah</p>
<p>Make dinner one night, go shopping with her, or just for coffee, it is the time not what you are doing that matters most</p>
<p>Something really neat would be to get a picture of your grandma at your age, one of your mom and one of you and frame them together (they have inexpensive frames that can hold three pictures)- the ages don’t really matter, just three generations (of course if you have sisters, include them) there is something very special with the generations of women</p>
<p>My heartfelt condolences to you and your family, celebrian. How sweet that your first thought is that of concern for your mother. Be her shoulder on which to cry, be the reassuring smile, be the sounding board, and just continue to be the thoughtful child you are. Don’t be afraid to discuss your grandmother, but celebrate her life. Together, you and your mom can reminisce, laugh and cry together. None of that will cost you a penny, but will prove more valuable to your mother than anything money could buy.</p>
<p>My dad died in April. My 16 y.o. D and my H could not come to the funeral, and I really, really missed having their support. But the very best thing my D did for me was cry. It meant the world to me that she loved my dad. The fact that she was sad gave me emotional support that words didn’t do – it made me feel less alone, and more understood. She shared my grief, so I didn’t have to carry it alone.</p>
<p>So let your mom know you’re right there with her – not as the “strong” one, but as a fellow mourner. And hug her once in awhile.</p>
<p>Celebrian,
You and your mom have my sympathy. It is difficult to lose a mom. It’s also difficult to lose a grandmom.</p>
<p>The advice that others have given is very good. Material gifts don’t matter. Time, patience, listening, support, all are what your mom needs.</p>
<p>You also need those things. As a h.s. senior, you are already at a stressful time. Make sure that you take care of yourself. </p>
<p>Both you and your mom should also make sure to remove unnecessary stress from your lives. Get flu shots. Eat healthfully. Exercise such as taking walks together. Both of you are very vulnerable to illness or accidents during this time of stress.</p>
<p>After my mom died, I had some health problems and also managed to total my car. This is not the time for either you or your mom to take unnecessary risks or to try to push yourself beyond your limits.</p>
<p>Hugs to you.</p>
<p>Dear Celebrian,
I am so sorry.
L</p>
<p>Celebrian,</p>
<p>I lost my dear grandmother when I was about your age…it was terrible. I’m very sorry.</p>
<p>You write nicely…how about sitting at the computer and writing down your thoughts? What your grandmother meant to you, some of your specific memories, etc. It doesn’t cost anything, just your time. I’m sure your mom would appreciate it, even years from now when she re-reads it.</p>
<p>thanks everyone for all your wonderful suggestions and sympathies. I would handwrite a letter, but my handwriting is atrocious to say the least, so I’m going to use a typewriter instead (I think it’s a bit more personal than the computer and the “erase” function doesn’t work so I can’t erase my mistakes like on a computer). I think all of you are right that it’s just the small things that matter.</p>
<p>People drop by a lot the first week or two after a death in the family. My worst nightmare is having to pick up and clean the house for company when I am not feeling well. Vacuum the whole house. Get on a stool and clean the front picture window. Sweep the front steps. Clean every bathroom in the house. Pick up magazines. She will love you for assuming some of the adult responsibilities of hosting people who come by the house to check on her.<br>
I hired a housekeeping service to come to my best friend’s house when her mother died. She was then able to serve a coffee at her house after the funeral without any extra cares…all she had to do was take plates of food from the many neighbors and friends and breath.</p>
<p>My S was your age when both grandparents died. They lived nearby and we were all close. I was devastated, dealing with caretaking, estates, etc. My S starting acting more independent, with cooking, laundry, & cleaning. I didn’t look for emotional support from him, but having him act so responsibly was just terrific.
You already are sensitive to the loss, and how it is affecting your mother. Relieving her of chores, sharing nice stories, are all great ideas. What comes thru reading your post is that you are not acting selfishly. Your mom is probably already appreciative of you.</p>