<p>You sound like a great uncle and your nephew is lucky to have you.
I think he needs shaking up…he needs to leave his friends…leave that state…and, bigger, leave that mindset. I’d look at almost a gap year for him…this place is a great resource <a href=“http://www.americangap.org/”>http://www.americangap.org/</a></p>
<p>Thanks, @SouthernHope , you are absolutely right. I think a Gap Year would be great, if I can get him to commit to something long-term. He has such an amazing opportunity to get his life on track with the gifts his grandparents left him. I just don’t think he can imagine traveling cross-country, much less to a foreign country, on his own. But, he has the resources to do it, and he’s an intelligent, if misguided, “kid”. I have never heard of American Gap, but it sounds exactly like what I’m looking for. Options are everything at this point. I want him to think big. THANK YOU!</p>
<p>Thank you, everyone! So far, so good. I sent Nephew all of the ideas you gave me, with links to a few of the websites, and didn’t hear from him all night. Then, this morning, I woke up to a message he wrote at 4 AM saying that he never knew there were so many things he could be doing with his life and he stayed up most of the night looking through everything. He said he’s never felt so scared and so excited, but he thinks he wants to do “something abroad”.He says that, since he was in 5th grade and we flew him out here to visit my parents, he has never been outside AL, FL, GA, MS, LA and TX (where my grandparents lived). He says he can’t believe he’s looking at countries he’s not sure he’s ever even heard of to visit, but he definitely wants to do something in a different country. He was going to sleep for a few hours, then give me a call.</p>
<p>I can’t thank you all enough for all of your great ideas!</p>
<p>I dont’ know about Alabama, but in Texas we have a group called Gary Job Corps that provides free room and board, training, uniforms, and a stipend for young adults up to age25, housed in an exmilitary base -set up like a college campus. did I mention ALL FREEE!!! Kids can get training and CC credits…HVAC, electrical, security, transportation, plumbing, administrative worker, all sorts of trades. I know you have money to spend on nephew, but for those of you who don’t have the funds and have kids at loose ends who are not interested in a traditional college career, this is a great opportunity. Electrical linesman job starts at 22$ an hour…</p>
<p>That sounds like an incredible program. I wonder how many states other than Texas have it? I haven’t heard of it before, but a lot has changed in AL since I lived there. I’ll check it out. Thanks!</p>
<p>You’re in a bind but he’s not. You are trying to change him, from a place of great intentions, but as you say he has a lot of examples of why that is not necessary. He’s not in jail or on drugs, he has hobbies and interests, he’s basically safe. You’ve tried. At this point, I would wait him out. It’s not a bad thing if the money keeps growing.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>Every kid is different, but this is what helped my 19-year-old the most. He knew he would go nuts sitting in a classroom, so he attended a Christian program that included almost two months of volunteer work in a middle Eastern country. He enjoyed it so much that he is going to do a second program. I wouldn’t be surprised if he became an employee of a non-profit volunteer organization, or maybe a youth pastor since he likes working with kids a lot. </p>
<p>I don’t know what will happen with him, but I HAVE learned to keep my mouth shut! Suggestions from us don’t go over well. He saw a psychiatrist for a couple of years. That doctor said we should keep telling ourselves, “Say nothing, do nothing.” Easier said than done, but we try our best.</p>
<p>@electronblue , I don’t want to go into detail about it here, but he “parties”. He’s not in jail… yet. But, a couple of his friends have been. By his admission, his hobbies and interests are limited to playing video games 12-15 hours/day and partying–usually at the same time. He’s 22. He has told me several times that he’s lost confidence in himself. He isn’t happy. And he wants to get out of his hometown, he just doesn’t know how. </p>
<p>If he were obstinate, or disrespectful of me (like his dad always was with our parents), I wouldn’t even be trying. But every time I talk to him, I feel like he is begging me for help that he doesn’t know exists. He is such a sweet guy. He spent time with a group of us family folk (minus his immediate family) at the beach last summer, and he was precious–so grateful he was invited, pitching in to help when he could, and just happy to be there. He’s a good kid stuck in a crappy situation. </p>
<p>So, I can’t just sit and do nothing. I’d rather give him opportunities to fail, and learn and grow than to simply fail and stand in the same place he’s been since high school graduation. If I try to help him, and it goes badly, at least it was HIS fault and not mine. But, if I don’t even try, and he fails to launch like his Dad, I would never get over the “what if’s”.</p>
<p>The good news is that he has been so excited about this! He has called and FB messaged me, and went down to apply for his passport yesterday. He has NO idea what all he wants to do yet, but he talked to his CC yesterday to find out his academic status, and he’s in a situation where he can do study abroad if he wants, and he only lacks three credit hours (a math class) having the credits to transfer to UA, so, so far, so good. :)</p>
<p>OP - It’s terrific that you’ve been such a good influence on your nephew. There is probably good reason that your parents appointed your to the task 
</p>
<p>It’s unfortunate that his home life is not better, but rest assured that kids from all backgrounds have gone down this same path. Sadly video games are often a big part of it. Sometimes drugs too. So I like the suggestions that get him away from both temptations.</p>
<p>@MaineLonghorn , Your son’s results are encouraging! I think he needs to go overseas just to prove to himself that he can. He has never gone further than a couple hundred miles by himself. I believe him when he says that he’s scared half to death to even think about going somewhere by himself. But, he’s excited to read about all of the possibilities. I didn’t prompt him to go get his passport, I just told him that if he was considering going overseas, we would have to get his paperwork in because it takes a while. The next morning, he called from the Post Office and asked if I could reimburse his mom for the Passport fees and I was stunned! So happy, though. </p>
<p>And, he says he’s never done any kind of volunteer work–he didn’t “join those clubs” in high school. LOL. I can’t even imagine! But, that’s his world. I hope he will choose a service trip of some sort. I think that, like your son, it would be a life-changing experience for him. I’ve told him that all of the decisions are his. I’m just here to guide and help with paperwork. We’ll see…</p>
<p>Indeed, @colorado_mom . I don’t see how I can help him if he’s there. I messaged him this morning and told him that I wanted him to think about leaving home by September 1. He didn’t HAVE to leave on that date. I didn’t have a particular activity in mind. But, I just wanted him to start thinking about a Launch Date so that he can start getting into an action-oriented frame of mind instead of thinking, “Maybe later” or “Soon…” Crossing my fingers that his parents and friends don’t talk him out of his excitement.</p>
<p>Ok, gotcha, I didn’t understand about the partying could lead to jail type stuff. Could you just move him out to be with you and have him get a job and continue CC classes under your watch?</p>
<p>Some programs may require drug testing so…</p>
<p>Haha, @electronblue , great minds think alike. I encouraged him to come live with me and go to CC here for Spring 2014. He asked for another chance at home. So, I gave it to him, and paid his full-time tuition. If my calculations are correct, he passed between 1-3 of the five classes he registered for in the Spring. I have invited him to come back out and do, basically, anything he wants–just so he is in the general area and I can possibly influence him to make better choices. He hasn’t made any decisions, yet, but he’s considering it.</p>
<p>It’s a possibility @beerme , but I don’t have the impression that there is an addiction or every day use situation. I think it’s more out of boredom. As far as I know, nothing that isn’t legal in some states. He has never been in any kind of trouble, at all, other than wrecking his car (sideswiped a car pulling into a gas station too fast). He has a 2.5 GPA in CC, though he usually drops most of his classes halfway through. I think he will be ok if he’s working hard at something, and building his confidence.</p>
<p>Your nephew is very fortunate to have you in his corner!</p>
<p>Have you considered an Outward Bound program? They range from a week to three months in length, and may be just the ticket to get him out of his rut in preparation for change. One of their programs is for at-risk teens ages 12 - 22. And there are other programs as well.</p>
<p><a href=“Programs | Outward Bound”>http://www.outwardbound.org/about-outward-bound/programs</a></p>
<p><a href=“Gap Year & Semester Outdoor Leadership School | Outward Bound”>http://www.outwardbound.org/gap-year-semester-courses</a> (gap year program)</p>
<p><a href=“Intercept: Wilderness Programs for Teens | Outward Bound”>http://www.outwardbound.org/intercept/struggling-youth</a> (at risk teen program)</p>
<p>The organic farm org, if you hadn’t looked it up yet: <a href=“http://www.wwoof.net/”>http://www.wwoof.net/</a> - best of luck!</p>
<p>One more suggestion–flight attendant. </p>
<p>@calla1 , Outward bound Gap Year is on the list. Didn’t list the Struggling Youth one, since he hasn’t been in any trouble and didn’t want to even suggest that I thought he was. ;)</p>
<p>Yes, @OHMomof2 , the WWOOF link is on the list. Thanks!</p>
<p>And, @bookworm , ya’ know, I hadn’t thought about it, but it’s not a bad idea! He’s very personable and a good looking guy. I’ll look up the training particulars online. Thanks!</p>
<p>In our area the community college offers 10 week courses set up by the unions to teach specific manufacturing skill. They cost $3700 for a ten week program.</p>
<p>This might be something that interests him and he would have an immediate employable skill</p>
<p>Friends son is making $18 an hour as a new hire with 401 k , health insurance, vacation days…</p>
<p>Maybe your area offers similiar programs. </p>
<p><a href=“http://uawlocal1069.org/community-serviceeducation-resources/”>http://uawlocal1069.org/community-serviceeducation-resources/</a></p>
<p>Maybe these are his people of common interest.</p>