Newly married. Step son is 16 years old and is suddenly seized with wanting to become an engineer. The issue is that his mother sent him to low-achieving schools, so he’s quite weak in math, and we’re battling the clock with only 75% of junior year left. If I “throw the kitchen sink” at this and provide him with resources inc. unlimited access to a private tutor, math weekend courses, SAT prep this summer, and an engineering student mentor at the local university, should he see dramatic improvements by this time next year … or could I be setting us up for disappointment?
Never been through this, so I’m not really sure what to expect, or what milestones to set.
go for it- but realize that he will have some catching up to do all through college. So dont make this a one time “Hail Mary”- i.e. giving him support for only a short time .
the good news is he CAN become an engineer IF HE wants to- but he will be the one who has to do the heavy lifting- not you.
My husband was not raised with the expectation of going to college. He planned on running a landscape company. His mother remarried when he was in high school. His stepdad told him apply to his almamatter, which he did to appease the stepdad. He graduated with a BSEE and has had a long and successful professional career. He has always been grateful his stepfather literally stepped in. Go for it.
What exactly are you trying to improve? Are his math grades bad and you are trying to bring them up, or did he do poorly on the psat and you are anticipating similarly poor performance on the sat? It isn’t really clear what the issue is.
Are you mad at your new wife for sending him to low-achieving schools? Do you feel she neglected (or at least didn’t optimize) his education in some way? Does she share your goals for stepson?
In general, what is your relationship like with stepson? That will inform your ability to push and/or motivate.
If he is not naturally good at math, he may want to reconsider his academic options. Tutoring will help, yes, but… my (second-hand hearsay from my husband who is an EE) understanding of Engineering is that those who do well in it are those who love it and are naturally proficient in math.
It’s still, the first half of junior year, he still has time to explore other options for college… and make sure this is really what he wants.
Well it can’t hurt to fill the gaps in math. Even if he decides engineering is not for him, Math proficiency will pay off in higher test scores and better college preparedness overall.
In your place I would definitely provide any resources that you can afford, and that would be helpful to your stepson. Why is he interested in being an engineer? Do you see any evidence that he has natural abilities in the relevant areas? I wouldn’t necessarily look at this as a single huge push to get him into engineering, unless you believe that he has the aptitude to be successful after a lot of hard work. I’d think more generally of providing what he needs to improve his academic position in general, and to find a good path for himself. If you do think he is capable of studying engineering eventually, then I would try to make this happen. Make it clear to him that he is probably not going to be able to apply to engineering schools a year from now, but that if he has the aptitude, and is willing to work very hard, he will be able to get there eventually, maybe after a year in community college, assuming concentrated effort starting now. And let him know that you will support him all the way (if this is true).
But I have to echo BeeDAre’s comment. I am concerned because most kids who have the level of math aptitude needed to be an engineer would probably learn the material even without a good school. I am a physicist, and it wasn’t until grad school that I encountered any math that was difficult for me. Through HS it all seemed obvious, and I did not have any experience of having to “learn” it. I suspect that BeeDAre’s husband is similar, because EE is one of the most mathematically intense fields.
It depends on your step son’s motivation and capabilities. If he’s highly motivated and highly capable, then it could be terrific. If he’s going to crack under the weight, then you are potentially throwing good money after bad. If you are going to be hounding him to make sure the money isn’t wasted, fugetaboutit! He has to own it.
Whose disappointment are you concerned about? Yours or his.
I think it’s incredibly generous of you. I might just focus on the math tutor to learn the math for it’s own sake because being comfortable with math is a prerequisite for engineering. If he learns math well, that will not only contribute to a higher SAT or ACT score but will enable him to do well in his engineering classes. I might go with the ACT and skip the formal prep because the ACT is more based on knowledge of the math rather than knowledge of the test and it’s harder to game, though with the new SAT, I’m not so sure.
I also would set the goal to maximize his comfort and understanding of math rather than “needing to get a 700” or something like that. The former is more likely to be successful. The later is a lot of pressure and might backfire.
Low achieving school as the regular public school that kids of non CC parents go to? Kids from those schools still become engineers, they just have to work for it. He doesn’t have to go to the best school in the country for engineering. If he finds a school he loves with a decent enough engineering program, why is that an issue? I’m a step-mother as well and my step-daughters were raised very different from my children. Doers your step-son even want all of this? This seems like a lot at once, and a lot of pressure being put on him from you. My step-daughters would have been so upset with me if I ever tried anything remotely similar to what you’re doing. Something tells me that you’re the only one going to be majorly disappointed with your step-son’s outcome in this situation.
Regarding the original title, he will almost surely get some improvement. But “sharp improvement” is very dependent on what his deficiencies are to start with, what his natural talents are, how good his additional resources are, and how much time and elbow grease he can put into it.
I would consider it worth it if it were my kid, although I’d think about an engineering camp next summer instead of the mentor. Something like Operation Catapult at Rose-Hulman where he could get a flavor for hands-on engineering and different engineering disciplines. It definitely helped my D2 decide whether engineering was for her. There are other programs besides that one, too.
first, you need to figure out if he has the aptitude and real desire to become an engineer. Is it just talk? or would he walk the walk.
You can start out with a tutor, and you’ll likely QUICKLY see whether your SS is willing to devote the time and/or improvements happen.
I don’t think you need to yet worry about any “kitchen sinks”. If you first figure out if he will put in the time and has the ability, then you really just need to make sure that he’s Calculus-ready by frosh year.
Also remember that he doesn’t have to apply to college senior year in high school and attend college right after graduation. If he is doing well but needs more time, there’s nothing wrong with a gap year.
Does this student want extra tutoring, and other extra this and that?
What would be the matter with hi starting college at a community college? He could take some of his math courses there…and he could find out whether (or not) he could actually do well on college level math courses without a huge amount of extra support. Then he could transfer to a four year college to complete his engineering degree (yes…this is very possible…my DH did it).
Is he now going to a better high school? What level of math is he completing? Does he understand these math skills and can he independently use them?
What is making him say he wants to be an engineer?
If he now goes to a better HS, ask his math teacher. Some kids are math people, some are not!
If he is too new for a teacher to know, then maybe hire one of those tutoring companies to work with him and see where he is and whether they think he just needs help, or may want the be more realistic career wise.
You need to realistic. Where is he on the math sequence? If you want to graduate in 4 years as an engineer, you should have a solid pre-calculus background so you can start with calculus 1 first semester. Calculus will be a gate keeper course for a lot of engineering courses. If he is too far behind, it will be difficult to cram and master the necessary math in a short time. It would also help to have some physics in high school.
A good friend start college without the necessary background and start Calculus. Ended up dropping it. Really messed up the sequence. He found that he was unable to move on in the engineering sequence until he could pass Calculus.
Sounds like you are a great person to have as a step dad.
Advice: work directly with new stepson, and together come up with a plan that starts small with easily manageable pieces. Don’t try to do “everything” - at this point MIT probably isn’t a realistic goal, so MIT-level prep isn’t needed.
If you start with manageable goals and chunks, then you are giving step-son a chance to succeed-- and it will also be better for your relationship with him. You won’t have spent an unrealistic amount of money to foster unrealistic expectations - so you won’t be introducing the possibility of feelings of resentment or shame and embarrassment into the relationship because you spent $$$$ and stepson couldn’t come through on his end.
I don’t know anything about your step son or the requirements for engineering --but the point is that you don’t throw the kitchen sink at him. Instead you sit down with him and figure out where his gaps and needs are, and then prioritize. So maybe it’s signing up for an online course or taking a math class at a local community college; or maybe it’s arranging a math tutor. But one thing at a time. You’ll have the opportunity to see how it is going before increasing your level of commitment, and your stepson will also still have the freedom to fail or change his mind without feeling like he’s ruined his relationship with you.
I mean, the kid is 16. “Suddenly seized” with the idea that he wants to be an engineer could give way to some other sudden passion in a few months: he’s a kid, he doesn’t have a clue what becoming an engineer entails. It’s absolutely wonderful that he has the motivation-- you don’t want to destroy that by turning the motivation into an overwhelming burden for him.
It will NOT be the end of the world or his future prospects if his path toward becoming an engineer requires an extra year or two because he has to make up for gaps in his high school education. So no: he doesn’t need an A in AP Calc or an 800 on the math SAT to get where he is headed.
Yes, some detail like what grade he is in, what math course he is in (and if the school’s math sequence is unusual), what kind of grades he is getting in math, and any math standardized test scores he may have, would help others help you.