If I withdraw my matriculation deposit now, how does it hurt me if I reapply next yr?

Applying to College
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<p>Alright, so I was set on going to Virginia Tech as a transfer. I completed everything, I even sent in my $400. But over the couse of this month, things have gotten a bit weird in my house.</p>

<p>My parents are separating. While that isn’t a big deal in most households, my dad is a 1st generation american that doesn’t speak english well. On top of that, my mom’s always written the bills & balance the checkbook every month. For starters, my dad doesn’t know how to do write a check.</p>

<p>I’m currently a rising sophmore at a college not too far from home, so I’m thinking of staying there for another year, just to get my dad settled and on his feet, maybe teach him some english. Basically, I don’t want to leave him (and go to college) to fend for himself right after my mom leaves him.</p>

<p>If I were to withdraw my deposit now and reapply to VT next year, given my circumstance, would admissions treat me the same or just throw my application away since I withdrew this time around?</p>

<p>Hope that made sense, it’s been worrying me for the past few days…</p>

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<p>Call and ask them. They may allow you to defer for a year.</p>

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<p>^ I agree. That would make more sense.</p>

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<p>most universities/colleges if you provide a good reason allow you to take a semester or year absence; this might be better for you because if your father adjusts will within a few months, then it would make sense for you to go back to school asap.</p>

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<p>thanks to everyone so far. the thing is, I don’t want to fall behind a semester or two while my dad settles. I want to continue learning at my current college (again, in driving distance). The thing is, if I want to learn while my dad adjusts, I can’t defer; I’d have to withdraw and reapply. I asked VT about it today, thats what they said.</p>

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<p>K, he is a grown man, and will be just fine, we old people can learn pretty quick when we want to, it is wonderful you want to stay and help, but it won’t take a year for him to figure stuff out</p>

<p>what you can do is find classes for him to learn english, spend the summer teaching him basic survival skills, banking, etc, and he will be fine</p>

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<p>Did you speak to an actual admissions counselor, or just to the receptionist? Call the rep for your area. You may not be able to defer, but you should ask him/her how they might view your withdrawal and new application based on the information you’ve given here.</p>

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<p>I am going to be honest here, if your dad can’t write a check, still has poor english, those have been his choices, and my bet is he didn’t bother to learn because others took care of him in that regard</p>

<p>I am sure he is a nice guy, works hard, etc., but he doesn’t need you to hang around for a year while he gets on his feet, three months is plenty of time if he is motivated to learn english etc</p>

<p>In most communities with lots of people from different countries, there are different groups to help new immigrants- churches, community centers, etc</p>

<p>Hook him up with those ASAP, so he has a support system, otherwise, my gut tells me that it won’t matter how long you defer school for, if someone is taking care of business, he won’t feel the need to put in the time to learn it for himself</p>

9

<p>^^^^</p>

<p>Can I ask if you are of Asian or Latin descent – or descended from parts of the Middle East? If you are, I could completely understand that the American “let him take care of himself, he’s a big boy attitude” would not necessarily fit your situation as well. I think you should probably follow your instincts on this one.</p>

<p>A big part of this is that is probably a bad time in your household, I would imagine, apart from the mere practicalities of “how is dad going to get by?” It’s a nice thing, and expected in many cases, that a son or daughter would be there at that time.</p>

<p>But I do agree you should communicate to him that you are not going to put off your transfer plans indefinitely, and to this end, the support services mentioned could be useful.</p>

<p>Good luck. I have no idea whether I am right ultimately or whether, for example, CGM’s advice pertains better to what you should do. I do know that our American sense of everyone fending for oneself as individuals is not an attitude that necessarily translates well to other cultures. And whatever you do, I commend you for being a caring son/daughter (?). That’s a really, really nice thing. Pat yourself on the back.</p>

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<p>I gotta believe this is the case. Dig, dig, explain in detail what is going on to someone who is really in charge. And if they say you can defer, see if you can get that in writing.</p>

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<p>Um, the poster is 18, so that means most likly, the parents were married, if this was their first marriage, for quite some time</p>

<p>and in that time, the father didn’t learn much about how to take care of himself in some basic skill areas, ie writing a check</p>

<p>and knowing human nature, if he didn’t learn in all the time he has been here, not even some basic English, what make you think that suddenly his child will be able to motivate him?</p>

<p>And shouldn’t it take a YEAR to do that…I don’t think so</p>

<p>If this dad was working, etc, then he is smart enough to realize he needs to take care of himself in this regard</p>

<p>I have seen too many people that use others as crutches and never learn to take care of themselves, and if dad hasn’t so far, in a realively stable environment, why should he bother if someone else is still there></p>

<p>Three months is plenty of time, especially if he is a functioning member of society</p>

<p>And “Be there” for dad, while noble, if you stay too long, his growth will be slow</p>

<p>And let me add this:</p>

<p>Your parents are splitting up for a reason, and you may have some sense of what that is, and what in the personalty of each is causing the divorce, so before you change your whole life, really really really think about personalities involved</p>

<p>For instance, if mom is leaving because of how dad acts, works, is motivated, etc., do you really think you, his child, can suddenly change him? </p>

<p>I may be off base here, but people don’t just split willy nilly, most of the time, the issues have been building for years and years, and people have either changed too much, or have not grown enough</p>

<p>So, before you change all your life plans, think long and hard to see if you hanging around another year will help someone who has some real fundamental issues going on, or would it be better to do an instense summer program to kick start him into his new life</p>

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<p>I agree with this. There is a tough love aspect. But, jtc06, only you know the particulars about when the right time to leave your father is. I think CGM’s basic point is a good one, but there is not a one-size-fits-all approach to this kind of thing particularly when different cultures and circumstances come into play. </p>

<p>We Americans have a much more cut-and-dried sense of our individual responsibilities – and so often that’s a great thing – but there ARE legitimate times to be there for someone in need. And it can be a huge betrayal in certain cultures if you aren’t (and I have no idea if you are more acculturated to the West or not), so this might be a really important factor in your thinking.</p>

<p>Good luck with your decision.</p>

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<p>That is true, but just because it is so in some cultures, doesn’t mean it is the best or healthiest options</p>

<p>sometimes you need to go beyond a person’s “culture” and look at the person, and yes while they are entertwined, sometimes basing a life changing decision on culture, which may have lead to the divorce in the first place, not saying it did, but hey, that does happen, can do more harm then good</p>

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<p>^^^^^</p>

<p>And sometimes people only think one way about things that they actually have very little information about. I believe the original poster asked about whether it was a problem to reapply, not whether we thought her decision to take time off was sound. </p>

<p>You had made your point earlier. Now: get off of it.</p>

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<p>BedHead, thank you for supporting my perspective.</p>

<p>I started this thread originally to evaluate the repercussions if I were to choose to go with this decision, but unfortunately, this thread has turned into nothing but ad hominem attacks.</p>

<p>Yes, I know i can transition my dad in 3 months, but I’d rather stick around locally in case something happens later this first year.</p>

<p>For the record, please refer to me using whatever pronoun you like (he/she/it/etc). I’d rather not declare my sex/gender in case admissions people are ■■■■■■■■ this board.</p>

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<p>To be fair, I am sure that CGM thought that she was supporting and helping you by pointing out you could leave your dad to fend for himself. Of course, I don’t know this, but I am guessing.</p>

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<p>Your decision is of course your own. : ) Not anyone who writes to you anonamously from CC. I would applaud you either way, if only because you’ve considered the options.</p>

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<p>Whatever decision you make, the only people who can answer your question are the admissions counselors (not receptionists) at VT. Talk to someone who really knows, not just the person who answers the phone.</p>

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<p>I second and third was Chedva says – probably the only useful advice on this Board. ; ) </p>

<p>One thing I learned is that though it’s perhaps harder to bend rules at state schools, the fact is that most higher education institutions often has rules much more flexible than you might realize on topics like this. And sometimes it’s important just to find someone who has the discretionary power to make a decision and make it stick. That’s why I say, do what C. says, get a meeting or phone call where you can explain in detail what is going on, and see if you can get a written agreement to let you defer. </p>

<p>Good luck.</p>