<p>…should I split the cost with them? I feel strange that they’e paying my kid so they can come to our party. They could always get a different sitter and would have to pay them, i know, but it still seems awkward. They are a lovely young family with 3 adorable kids, who my D16 actually loves babysitting, and they pay her generously. Am I over thinking this? Anyone else ever have this situation?</p>
<p>Also, the last party where we invited them, (DD offered to sit for free because i mentioned feeling awkward about this) they stayed til 1 am. We loved having them over, but i felt bad that my kid was out so late, and I couldn’t find a way to suggest that they leave so she could come home. Awkward again! Maybe we should just end the party early…</p>
<p>I think it is fine to let them pay their normal rate – maybe they won’t stay quite as late if they pay, and if they do, well at least your daughter is being well paid to stay late!You were more than generous before, which was quite nice of you, but you don’t have to do that every time. If you would like your daughter home by a certain time, say 12:00 a.m., then she should say that she would love to babysit, but she really needs to be home by a certain time, and would understand if they would rather hire someone else who can stay later.</p>
<p>There is no reason why your D needs to babysit for free just because you are hosting the party. They are two different issues. Your D should also feel comfortable to let your friend know when she would like to be home. Not sure why you would feel obligated to chip in or have your D do it for free. If they were to get another sitter would you feel obligated to pay for it?</p>
<p>^^ I’m not sure either! I guess it could be my <em>slightly</em> obsessive nature. But I’m glad I found this forum to throw it out there ( and I’m sure DH is too ).</p>
<p>I predict that because you established the precedent of your D babysitting for free for your party, there may be hard feelings if she expects to be paid this time…Unless they actually paid her that time. It isn’t completely clear to me.</p>
<p>I think that it is perfectly reasonable for her to tell them she’d like to be home by midnight, if that is the case.</p>
<p>I don’t see a problem…just invite them and let them pay her the usual rate they have in the past. They would pay her if they were attending someone else’s party. Your friendship with them is entirely separate from their employment relationship with your daughter.</p>
<p>IMO, it’s a bad precedent to volunteer or otherwise have your kid perform what can be burdensome services for one’s adult friends or family for free. It leaves the latter and you as parents to feel free to take undue advantage of the kid’s “free time” and implicitly communicate to the kid that his/her time isn’t valuable enough to be respected. </p>
<p>More importantly, if the kid is willing to do it for free…that should be at the complete volition of the child concerned…not put into place by the parents without his/her prior input or guilt out by said parents*. </p>
<ul>
<li>Got fed up hearing about middle/HS classmates being guilted into providing free services for onerous tasks like babysitting or computer teching services which ended up lasting several hours per session. Exploitation, much? :(</li>
</ul>
<p>Just curious…the first time did you pay your daughter?</p>
<p>I wonder if the neighbors are assuming that your daughter will do this at no cost? I would try to find this out BEFORE your daughter commits to sitting for them. Babysitting should be viewed as her business and she should be paid. The only exception we ever asked our kids to make was for relatives who came to visit. We asked that the relatives NOT pay our kids. I have to say…the relatives never listened to us and paid our kids anyway. </p>
<p>I’m sort of surprised that the neighbors actually didn’t pay your daughter the first time. In my opinion, they should have done so.</p>
<p>thumper1 - yes we paid her, and yes I was surprised they didn’t pay her themselves. But on reflection I shouldn’t have offered up my kid’s time for free. Cobrat, you are right that I probably undervalued and disrespected her time. Maybe because it was summer I was feeling that time was being wasted anyway.</p>
<p>Looking back, the only people I routinely babysat for we’re my neighbors. Every time I worked for others, my time preference of midnight was violated. I should have taken jobs with the caveat that my rates were double after midnight. My parents never said anything, but I suspect they too lost sleep if I didn’t get home until 2 a.m.</p>
<p>My son never babysat, but he did have a ‘business’ with computer help and web pages. I only recall one time when a relative reneged on his fee of $5 an hour. He didn’t want me to make up the difference. If I had a friend of son’s pet sit, I always paid them, even if the parents said it wasn’t necessary.</p>
<p>I suggest your daughter be unavailable to babysit that night. She could have plans with friends or an overwhelming amount of schoolwork. It breaks the precedent. Your neighbors can hire, and properly pay for, another sitter. I would not invite the kids to the party. If others have paid for a sitter they are looking forward to an adult night out. If your daughter is home she will end up being the de facto babysitter as its not a stretch to see the kids gravitating to her.</p>
<p>Sitters should always be paid and paid well. I have just one kid, now grown up. If I had another kid over because H and I were going out with another couple, I hired a second sitter. Call me nuts, but nothing is more precious than a child.</p>
<p>Cpt… I would agree but ONLY if this neighbor family plans to pay the daughter. Since it is likely that they won’t (because last time she babysat without this family paying her), I would say…I agree with blue…just get the daughter off the radar screen. Either that or someone needs to let the family know what they will be charged for the babysitting services BEFORE the daughter accepts the job.</p>
<p>“I have just one kid, now grown up. If I had another kid over because H and I were going out with another couple, I hired a second sitter.” - Wow, that is unusual. </p>
<p>You were nicer than our new neighbors a few years back. They hired my D (around age 13). I went with her the first few minutes since it was one of her first jobs. We asked where they were going and they said, “oh we both have cellphones”… but neither was charged. In addition to their two children there were also two other neighborhood children visiting on the spur of the moment - the parents did not send them home. </p>
<p>One of them left the gate open on the way out, so their new dog (nicknamed “runaway dog” , but they had not mentioned him) escaped. I ended up trying to chase him down - not easy since there was no leash in the house. Eventually I learned that another kind neighbor had seem him and put him in their garage.</p>
<p>If having these friends attend your parties is important to you, and your D is willing and available, I see nothing wrong with asking her to babysit as a very occasional favor to you. The couple are guests in your home and they pay your D generously the rest of the year. It just doesn’t sound so unreasonable to me. If it became a regular thing, it would be another story. </p>
<p>While I might then be inspired to do something nice for D out of appreciation, I would not pay her a fee, just as I don’t ask to be paid for the many significant favors I do for my kids. Similarly, we never tied chores to an allowance, rather saw them as part of the responsibility of being a family member. </p>
<p>Last time this happened, did your friends just assume there would be no charge? Did you tell them your D was volunteering her time? Or did they offer to pay and your D refused them? If one of the latter two, my guess is that they will offer to pay. </p>
<p>In your friend’s place I would have offered to pay your D the first time. If she refused on your behalf, I’d show my appreciation with a small gift to say thank you or perhaps I’d pay her especially generously next time.</p>
).</p>