<p>Maybe you can find a way to make his Asperger’s traits work FOR him. If you can find a way to get him really interested in nutrition and health, perhaps his focus will shift to more healthy eating…just a thought.</p>
<p>I don’t have anything to add, but I feel for you. It’s so hard to watch someone you love, especially a child, make such poor choices.</p>
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<p>I’ve certainly thought of that. If I could get him hooked on exercise, he’d stay hooked.</p>
<p>But alas, he loves to read the “Eat This Not That” books and tells us all about them…but then does the opposite.</p>
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<p>My observation is that younger people tend to be motivated by appearance for attracting mates. Obviously, with a loyal girlfriend, your son has less motivation in this area than he would if he were still looking.</p>
<p>In contrast, older people who are motivated to lose fat tend to be motivated by health considerations.</p>
<p>Of course, athletes (recreational or otherwise) tend to be motivated by performance.</p>
<p>One problem that has been noted is that if the people one associates with are obese, one’s own risk of obesity increases.</p>
<p>“He will over eat, be sick, and do it again the next night.”</p>
<p>missypie, I’m so sorry you have to deal with this issue. Your statement looks like a description of an eating disorder. Does his current therapist have experience with treating eating disorders?</p>
<p>He won’t go to an eating disorders specialist. I had to cancel the appointment. I found a nearby “men only” chapter of Overeaters Anonymous. Won’t go to that either. It’s the old “acknowledge you have a problem.” He doesn’t. What he puts into his mouth is under his control (he doesn’t see that eating large amounts of terrible food in the middle of the night is not really exercising “control” over what he eats.)</p>
<p>I know that you’ve been dealing with this for quite some time, MP. I feel for you…</p>
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<p>This has been my personal experience. I’ve had NO success losing weight in the past–in fact, I cleaned out my closet of smaller sized clothing–I told myself that I needed to get comfortable with how I look because that is how it is going to be.</p>
<p>But my brother was diagnosed with diabetes last summer and that was a wake up call for me! I took his method of healthy eating and made it MUCH simpler (he’s an engineer, so his method required a GIANT spreadsheet) and started getting daily exercise.</p>
<p>I started losing weight, which only reinforced what I was doing.</p>
<p>For me, losing weight required two things–a REAL inner motivation to lose weight and a method that works for me.</p>
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<p>Tell him he’s not permitted to tell you what to eat/not eat until he himself has lost XX pounds. If he starts to talk to you about the eat this/not that, you cover your ears and walk out of the room.</p>
<p>Maybe that will do something?? I realize this is all just guesswork.</p>
<p>missypie…you said it
Yup…I was 100+ pounds overweight for many years. KNEW what I should be doing, knew I didn’t look great…but as a travelling professional, I also KNEW where every fast food place was, and the menus by heart). I fall into the “older person with health issue” category…but not what you might think. My blood pressure was low, sugars great…but in my early 40s I was diagnosed with skin cancer under my eye, requiring a pretty large skin graft. As I was preparing for this surgery, I realized that, while I couldn’t necessarily control being a middle-aged woman with a large scar on my face, I COULD decide not be be a middle-aged FAT woman with a large scar on my face…</p>
<p>My other motivation was a personal goal – I really wanted to go w/my dd to the top of the Statue of Liberty while it was still the “old style” circular staircase. Hundreds of stairs later, the photo of the two of us at the Crown is one of my absolute proudest.</p>
<p>But before those personal motivations…embarrassment from my doctor didn’t do it, not my family’s concerns, nor did the fact that I had to wear huge clothes, didn’t have a ton of endurance… It does have to come from within…and no one could have “made” me make that choice.</p>
<p>It’s been about 4 years since I started the weight loss journey. Moving slowly, I lost the hundred over about a year and a half’s time. I have been at a stable weight and healthy BMI the last 2 plus of them. A few things that I did…for me…1.) I decided to start on April 1…so if this didn’t work out, I hadn’t bombed a New Year’s Resolution…just an April Fool’s Day idea. 2.) I didn’t make a big deal about it…started thinking more about my lunch choices, made healthier dinners (which we all could use)…but until someone else noticed, I didn’t go around announcing “I’m on a diet!” 3.) I used a food journal on my ipod to record all food and exercise (perhaps that’s a tool your son would enjoy using??) 4.) I made NO food off-limits, and don’t beat myself up if there was an occasional day with more calories than I would want…just move forward from there, with better choices the next meal. </p>
<p>But that’s me…and my own motivations…had anyone else suggested I would do better if I lost weight…that would have crashed and burned!! (And it took me until middle age to get to that place…).</p>
<p>Here’s hoping that your son finds his motivation!!</p>
<p>This won’t help your son, but here’s what happened with me. My husband had grown a beard about 8 years previously. He did it to look older, since he has a baby face. Well, at age 52, he didn’t need to look older anymore, so I didn’t like the beard much. I asked if I lost 32 pounds, to get to my goal weight, would he shave it off. He said OK, figuring there was very little chance I could do it. I started running and went to Weight Watchers, so I lost the weight! We had a beard-shaving ceremony at home. Our younger two kids couldn’t remember their dad without a beard, so they were a little freaked out.</p>
<p>I’ve gained back a lot of weight again, though, so I need new motivation. I have to give DH credit - he hasn’t suggested growing back the beard since I’m not at my goal weight now! He has been very supportive.</p>
<p>My wife has a lot of patients on the Gundry diet with great results. It is similar to paleo/caveman diets in that it has low carb and lots of leafy vegetables, but is designed to be easy to follow with foods that help you feel full. We follow it for our health, not our weight (I’m skinny, 30" waist since college, but high cholestrol). It helped reverse some of the osteoarthritis symptoms I was having, lowered our cholestrol and triglyceride levels.</p>
<p>Hugs to you missypie. I know how tough this must be for you and how helpless you must feel. Really, if it were possible to trick, cajole, bully, force, wheedle, or shame someone into losing weight, then America would have a much slimmer populace.</p>
<p>Seven years ago I lost about 40 pounds and have kept it all off ever since. You asked for motivation, and here’s mine: fear. I was diagnosed with what they THOUGHT was Type 2 diabetes (turns out I was actually Type 1 or Type 1.5 - not that it really matters now, but it means that my weight was really not a factor and that I progressed to needing insulin at a very rapid pace.) Anyway, I immediately started exercising for at least 45 minutes a day and radically altered my diet. I was deathly afraid of all the health implications that diabetes brings - retinopathy, kidney disease, circulation problems, you name it, I thought I was doomed to get it.</p>
<p>Turns out that I haven’t had any complications yet and may never have any; my endocrinologist says I have the A1C of a non-diabetic. However, that fear keeps me counting carbs and exercising, even now. Fear isn’t a great motivator for most people, though, and probably won’t help your son. I guess everyone who loses weight has their own “come-to-Jesus” moment, and one person’s motivation is just another person’s “so what.”</p>
<p>Missypie- what did it for me was going on a trip with the family to Costa Rica. Our hotel was uphill up a pathway off of a dock. It was being out of breath up the hill plus struggling with the uphill portions of the hiking. Also looking at the photos and honestly seeing myself.</p>
<p>I could probably motivate him to do some exercise if there was a goal. His senior year we hiked down and up the Grand Canyon. (I had to train, but he - the Eagle Scout - didn’t.) It wouldn’t help with what he chooses to eat, however.</p>
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<p>Yeah, the thing is that even with the weight, the poor eating habits and the lack of exercise, he’s still 21…it will probably take years before it all catches up with him. Meanwhile, youth alone is getting him by pretty well.</p>
<p>Missypie- could he do some volunteering with the Boy Scouts. Maybe getting out and physical activity would motivate him to eat better.</p>
<p>Keeping a food diary is very helpful. If your son writes down everything he eats every day, then totals up the calories, he will be more likely to get some self-control over how much he is eating. Calories in homecooked and fast foods are easily found on the internet, and packaged food has calories on the label. He can find out his base metabolism at the link below, and calculate the maximum daily calories he can eat without getting fatter. </p>
<p>[Metabolism</a> Calculator](<a href=“http://metabolismcalculator.net/]Metabolism”>http://metabolismcalculator.net/)</p>
<p>Have him start off tallying the daily totals, while eating as he usually does. Then have him go back and see which foods pack the most punch, and what lower calorie alternatives he can replace them with. Also, he can see the difference that portion size makes. </p>
<p>As his mother, you can help by having low calorie foods front and center in the refrigerator and pantry. When he comes home from work, he is no doubt tired and hungry, which can lead to less self control.</p>
<p>You mentioned the girlfriend… could she be a source of motivation somehow?</p>
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<p>Other than perhaps a fast food restaurant, working at a grocery store is about the worst place he could work. We always read that we shouldn’t grocery shop when we are hungry. I bet that many of us would come home every night with food if we worked at a grocery store and were hungry at the end of our shift.</p>
<p>Nrdsb4: that is right, aggressive. If someone were dying of a heart attack you wouldn’t “gently” convince them they need intervention. I see people dying and/or very sick from their morbid obesity every day. I am not advocating being rude or insensitive but I am advocating being direct. This specific pt I cite had her husband putting sprite in water bottles to make us think she was drinking water. Totally sabotaging herself. And when the Dr called her on it, they were offended.</p>
<p>And Yes, people may know they are obese but they refuse to acknowlege the effects of it On their bodies. Many times I witness a complete disconnect in a pts knowledge as to why they are diabetic, or their knees hurt. </p>
<p>We need to be direct. Oh well if some people get offended.</p>
<p>missypie,
So sorry to hear this is all continuing… I do remember a thread about him last year…</p>
<p>Not sure where he is on the spectrum (nor am I well-versed on such), and not sure if you have already discussed this, but an obvious help for him would be to change jobs, and preferably to a more active one, even one that educates/exposes him to the health risk of obesity. Could he work with a landscaper or gardener? Or coach kids in PE? Hospital or nursing home (in diabetes dept!)? Home Depot?</p>