If you read this first sentace would it engage you??

College Essays
1

<p>The dusty vinyl slips out of its sleeve; turntable and vinyl meet; the needle drops. What follows next are the cool, linear harmonies of Miles Davis’ trumpet from his album “Kind of Blue.”</p>

2

<p>I like it, but my first thought was…
Why would the vinyl be dusty if it was in a sleeve?</p>

3

<p>Not really. But of course, I haven’t read the rest of the essay :p</p>

4

<p>Old vinyl is usually dusty, regardless of whether it’s been sleeved. </p>

<p>To the OP: I like the first sentence, but not the second so much. I think you can probably make something more gripping.</p>

5

<p>Start the second sentence more powerfully and directly…</p>

<p>The cool, linear harmonies of Miles Davis’ trumpet from his album “Kind of Blue”…(insert ending you like)</p>

6

<p>Wait what? I feel like Miles Davis’s music is the opposite of linear…</p>

7

<p>I like it…</p>