<p>
</a>
Do you think American parents spend more time with their children than this?</p>
<p>“Do you think American parents spend more time with their children than this?” </p>
<p>Who is watching those kids if their parents are only with them that much time a day? I’ve worked since my kids were 10 weeks old. I see them about 3 1/2 hours a day and all weekends. My husband, who until recently worked nights, picked them up from school and then was with them until I got home. About the same amount of time as me. Our parenting philosophy says that we don’t go out without the kids, unless we’re doing something FOR the kids like parent-teacher conferences, and I do my housework/laundry after they’ve gone to bed and things like bill paying on the express bus. I miss them so much, but I do have to work, so I spend every minute that I’m not working and they’re not sleeping with them. Of course this means that I haven’t gotten more than 4-5 hours sleep in 17 years, but that’s ok.</p>
<p>Hmmm… Before my kids went to college, we used to eat breakfast and dinner together almost every day. We spent a great deal of time on weekends together, and also our vacations (usually 2-3 weeks) together. </p>
<p>How on earth were these stats come by?</p>
<p>Wow, I also wonder how they came up with these stats.</p>
<p>I’ve worked full-time since my kids were 6 weeks old. One of them is still in HS, and the college one is living at home this summer while working. We still have dinner together 5 nights a week, and at least one, usually both, weekend breakfasts. We still have a family game night most weeks, and often go out to shoot pool or go to the gym at the YMCA together, and take one or two annual family vacations. I’m sure we’re with our kids several hours every day. They actually seem to enjoy our company (and the feeling is mutual). </p>
<p>I wonder if people who spend much less time with their kids choose to structure their time differently, or if less together-time is a by-product of exhaustion or ennui or something? (It’s probably relevant that neither my H nor I watch television, and that I am a good and motivated cook, both of which probably influence heavily what we choose to do with our evenings after work.) It does take a lot of effort to be an involved parent, and it’s easy for me to see how it might be overwhelming under a lot of circumstances.</p>
<p>I feel the same way, but I do know that some people structure there time differently, as you say. I had a friend who worked at a daycare center; she had several parents request that they not let the kids nap, so that they could give them dinner and put them to bed as soon as they got home.</p>
<p>Also, when my H was a private practice pediatrician for a couple years (before heading back to the often less dysfunctional urban parents) he often met parents who came in with nannies who obviously knew the kids much better than the parents did. (he’d ask the parent a question, the parent would ask the nanny, the nanny would tell the parent, the parent would answer him.)</p>
<p>However, I still don’t think that’s the norm; loads of people spend real chunks of time with their kids. 19 minutes seems a bit unbelievable to me.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>Ah, now I know what I did wrong with my kids, apart from not following the Ferber method: I never told the day care center folks not to let my kids nap during the day. So, at around 8 or 9pm, I spent a whole lot more than 19 minutes per day just trying to put them to sleep! And then, they’d wake up in the night, and I’d spend more time getting them back to sleep. </p>
<p>This article is another attempt at inducing guilt-tripping among mothers.</p>
<p>*I spent a whole lot more than 19 minutes per day just trying to put them to sleep! And then, they’d wake up in the night, and I’d spend more time getting them back to sleep. *</p>
<p>WHen I worked and went to school, before the kids were in school all day- I spent more than 19 minutes just driving them to and from child care
BUt the going to sleep time- many many books ,many many backrubs and this was after they started sleeping in their own beds ( kinda)</p>
<p>I have always worked, but never full time. When my kids were little, they had a combo of shared care with my husband, or babysitters and preschool type care for about five hours a day (9-2). The rest of the time I was with them. Similarly, since they have been in school, I have always tried to be done by 3 p.m., since for me, it is important to be home during those hours. I have always worked one evening and Saturday mornings. We have had dinners together as a family nightly, until my children began to have schedules that precluded that as a daily event…now, we always sit down at least 3 of 7, although I shoot for more!</p>
<p>I agree with Marite that this is just to induce mother guilt, like anyone needs more of that.</p>
<p>Don’t you just love it? First we’re “helicopter parents” who coddle our children, solve their every problem, and won’t let them “fail” (see <a href=“http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/showthread.php?t=216152[/url]”>http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/showthread.php?t=216152</a>, posted as a sticky on this forum) and we do it all in 19 minutes a day! Are we good, or what?</p>
<p>Thanks for the laugh, guys!</p>
<p>If these stats are from England, what about the 5 weeks vacation they get??? That comes to more than an hour a day right there.</p>
<p>We’re supermoms! </p>
<p>A proposal for a new CC publication:</p>
<p>How to raise your kids in 19 minutes per day and avoid being a helicopter parent. All suggestions welcome.</p>
<p>i work 12 hour night shifts and drive the kids to school , pick them up up at 3 pm and i get to spend 3 hrs til i have to leave at 6pm. we also spend a lot of time swimming or rafting on weekends in the summer/ helping with homework on weekends in the school season.</p>
<p>marite:
If only…</p>
<p>Weenie:</p>
<p>I know, that’s why we need another How to book…</p>
<p>it just depends on the kids. i don’t spend time with my parents unless we’re off visiting relatives or something together… same with my little sister. yet we all get along great. i mean, i go four - five days without seeing my parents at all and I live at home.</p>
<p>One of the great things about being a teacher: I’m the one who puts my kids on the bus; I’m the one who greets them when they get off. And in the summer–as in right now–we plan a different adventure each day.</p>
<p>I think this survey must have been done by the same people who determined that married people only talk to each other for 7 minutes a day.</p>
<p>I don’t know if this study is applicable to American families but let’s assume for the sake of discussion that it’s accurate for British families. I don’t read this article as blaming mothers but, even if it did, that’s irrelevant. Kids have minimal parental contact and we’re supposed to feel sorry for their overworked mothers? Come on. The important issue is: How can a daily average of 19 minutes of quality time be a good thing for kids?</p>
<p>But you see, I don’t believe that the survey is accurate. I’ve lived in Britain, and except for a tiny minority of workaholics, Brits do not work any harder than Americans–the “work hard, play hard” ethic is American. They also have longer vacations. </p>
<p>There is an agenda at work that comes through rather clearly in the article.</p>
<p>Marite,</p>
<p>I don’t think the study suggests everyone is a workaholic. They specifically mention 2-3 hours a day of TV time. The same could be said of American families - just because you are at home together doesn’t mean you are interacting with your children. On the other hand, I don’t think parents and children need to have philosophical discussions every day. As a parent, just being around your children is also important. But how can parents who work 8-10 hours a day (including travel and decompression time) really “be there” for their children?</p>
<p>Let me add that both my spouse and I work. We try to give as much to our children as we can but there’s only so much time in the day. Are we being fair to our children if we only give them 19, 35, or 60 minutes a day?</p>