<p>and a friend or acquaintance knew/suspected, would you want them to tell you? I say yes, so I get that point of view. If your answer is no, why not? I’m talking specifically middle-school-age kids …</p>
<p>I would want to know.</p>
<p>Yes, most definitely.</p>
<p>I would want to know. </p>
<p>But I do know that some parents who <em>think</em> they would want to know… essentially shoot the messenger. Ending friendships with parents who tell them about their kids using alcohol at that age (I don’t have any direct experience re drugs). </p>
<p>My best friend and I had a direct talk about it (our sons also being best friends)… that we would definitely want to know and would not hold it against each other. We really never had to test that, but I think our friendship would have survived it.</p>
<p>Most parents say they would want to know. But the few I have told things that I would have wanted to know, definitely did not want to hear it. But the price of my peace of mind in knowing that I did the right thing was worth the loss of friendship.</p>
<p>Agree with above poster. When my kids were that age I went to a parent with something I would have definitely wanted to know and was told I “must be mistaken”. I dropped the matter but was still glad that in my mind I did the right thing.
You would be surprised how many parents just don’t want to hear it…perhaps they already know in their hearts and just don’t want to/can’t deal with it.<br>
It can and does happen to the best of us.</p>
<p>I would definitely want to know.</p>
<p>I would want to know, but I would want the person to tell me in a way that was very diplomatic and non-judgemental.</p>
<p>I would absolutely want to know, but my experience tallies with previous posters: the times I have told friends (gently, respectfully, non-judgementally) things I would have wanted to know, they flamed off. The couple I’m thinking of later came back to the relationship, but it was ugly while it lasted :-(</p>
<p>I’d be very upset if a friend/aquaintence knew something like that about my middle schooler and did <em>not</em> tell me!</p>
<p>Of course I’d want to know. </p>
<p>I’ve never been in the situation, neither as giver nor receiver of the news, and I’m quite shocked by the reports of angry denial.</p>
<p>I am in the would want to know camp. </p>
<p>I once told a parent with something about their child, and it was not received well. Frankly, I feel sorry for the parents because they do the best possible for their children, but this child (now an adult) has made poor choices just too often, IMO.</p>
<p>We had an experience where the parent of a middle school child found out that her child was smoking pot. She called every one of her child’s friends (which included our child) and said essentially that she had no idea whether or not our child was using drugs but her child was and we might want to consider getting our child tested. That approach was appreciated and I think every parent called did in fact get their child tested. Nobody was upset with the parent for calling. Many of the kids did not pass and each parent had a different approach at that point in terms of counseling/grounding, etc. </p>
<p>However, our child apparently was not using drugs and that left me wanting to end the friendship he had with the kids who failed the drug test. Resolving that conflict was one that did result in years of dispute with the parents who thought we were being unfair by trying to end the friendships. This group had been friends since kindergarten. Long story short is that every attempt we made to end the friendships didn’t work anyway; it just sent it underground and we kept “discovering” that he had seen these forbidden friends.</p>
<p>Our solution is that we regularly perform drug tests on S2, which he has agreed to and passes, in exchange for him openly hanging out with kids, some of whom we know continue to do drugs. In fact, this week-end while running errands S2 actually mentioned that I needed to stop by CVS and pick up a drug test because it’s been a few months. He doesn’t mind taking these tests because he knows he will pass and I think it makes it easy for him to just say no since his friends don’t want him cut off again. </p>
<p>With that said, I do not call up parents and report things because my source of information is usually from my child. If I rat the kid out, I make my child a snitch and he will never talk to me again. I had a parent report something to me he found out because he monitors his child’s AIM using some program. He made me promise not to reveal the source (because his child doesn’t know about the monitor), so while we were able to stop a big party from happening we were limited in revealing how much we actually knew without blowing the source. We are very grateful to this parent and there were no negative repercussions there. He is one whose child still uses drugs, the dad knows it, and this poor father is doing absolutely everything in his power to get his son straightened out.</p>
<p>I think the parents have a pretty good idea of what goes on, much of which is pretty awful in this area. We can no longer leave this house. Period. Parents who have paid adults to watch their kids while they are away for the week-end have had parties hosted at their house in their absence, while the adult somehow is convinced by the kids they don’t need to show up. We paid a person to watch our kid after school and learned she had been bribed to not show up. short of firing these people, what can you do? Our house was used to host a major party in our absence over this past spring break (our kid was with us). In other words, kids broke into our empty house through the dog door and used it for a party while we and the kids were gone! S2 says these weren’t his friends but a group of older kids who had heard on the grapevine that we were out of town.</p>
<p>Anyway, I don’t know of any parent around here who would be denial. Parents have hired undercover policemen to find parties and there have been at least three big parties broken up, with dozens of arrests, in just the past three months. The parents really are trying and we talk to each other as much as possible. From what I have read on cc, it must be a lot easier in some areas than others.</p>
<p>this is a topic near and dear to my heart; Not once, but twice I have tried to communicate to friends that their children were heading for trouble…Needless to say, I am not sorry that I did this, but it did not go well and we are no longer friends…and their kids are on a steep downward slope (from what I hear)…It’s difficult to assess when people are in denial; if it was me, I would definitely want to be told…</p>
<p>I would also absolutely want to know. This is a very prevasive problem with young kids today, even kids in middle school. And the fact is that many parents are sometimes clueless until the problem gets really bad. </p>
<p>Parents need to understand that being freely able to share info helps us all do the best for our children. Whoever characterized age 2 and 3 as the “terribles” clearly did not want us poor parents to get too overwhelmed by the prospect of the teen years!</p>
<p>Thanks for the responses. Part two of my question, which some of you answered is, would you tell a friend? I’m finding everyone wants to know, but no one wants to tell.</p>
<p>We are having severe problems, it seems, at the middle school with a good-size group of eighth-graders. And we’re not talking a little weed in the back of the boys’ bathroom. Kids are doing PCP, LSD, cocaine, cheese heroin. These aren’t kids I know at all (my child is younger), but I have friends who do know the kids/families and don’t want to say a word. I know I would be so hurt if I found that friends suspected my children were doing drugs and didn’t tell me.</p>
<p>As I wrote to a friend, I believe it takes a village, but it feels like this entire village is turning away.</p>
<p>I would sacrifice a friendship to save a life. My kids would be angry with me for fear that they would be bullied at school if anyone found out their parent said anything. That is real consequence. Does the administration know? Are they calling parents?</p>
<p>For privacy reasons, the school can’t say a lot, but, yes, it is aware. Many have been called down to be questioned, and two kids, thus far, have been suspended because they were caught in possession. The school had been aware for months of a growing problem.</p>
<p>However, I don’t think parents are aware how widespread the issue is. I only know because I was at a parent mtg where a mom brought it up. The school has released a note about how the school was aware of an issue and parents should talk to their kids, but I have no idea whether, when kids are questioned, parents are called.</p>
<p>Well if the school is handling it, then I would not step in and ruin friendships and risk my kids having problems at school. I would let them handle the problem. If I were the only person aware of a serious situation, then I would make a call. JMO, and I am not there to really know what is going on.</p>
<p>Sneaking out is a related problem and I have alerted other parents to it. This made me unpopular but I really don’t care. </p>
<p>In our school system, problems are dealt with privately, and no widespread info sharing occurs unless it is medical, ie, pinkeye, strep or chicken pox, etc. (and names are not used) In this way I think the school system does parents a real disservice in not telling parents these other problems are cropping up. The DARE program was done away with in our school, we no longer have a police resource officer, but yet we still have plenty of programs to warn us about internet safety. Go figure. I think many parents cling to some illusion that all is well.</p>