Hello all,
I haven’t been on this forum in years. I came back to post just because I remember frantically looking up “pregnancy” on this forum years ago and not finding a whole lot of information. Just remembering how desperate and nearly-suicidal I was at the time, I wanted to provide some content for those who may be in the same boat.
I was attending college in DC when I got pregnant halfway through my junior year. Although I attempted to complete my degree while pregnant, it became increasingly difficult for me to do so. To be fair, the school was wonderful and helpful the first two times I attempted to finish classes. When I tried to return a couple of years after my son was born, financial aid policies had really changed, and I wasn’t able to get the aid I needed. I then transferred to my local state school, but the online courses I took were so difficult to navigate that I became discouraged and dropped out. I tried to accumulate some “quick” credits via online community college classes, but I kept dropping out of them as well. I eventually transferred to another state school, earned a 4.0 GPA at the honors program, but then dropped out due to some stupid financial problem (looking back, I should have just paid the $$$ and continued with my studies right then). Once my son started school (which also coincided with my financial situation finally improving), I became determined/disciplined enough to see things through all the way, and I returned to the honors program and graduated at last. I finished my master’s degree at an “elite” institution a year and a half later, and I started making significant $$$ right out of school. I make a fairly large amount of money these days and everything’s stable now, but my god, it’s been a long, hard road.
Anyway, I had some hard-learned lessons I wanted to share:
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If you decide to finish college online, only sign up for THE most “user-friendly” online classes. (It’s been several years since I’ve been in college, so I guess most classes are probably user-friendly these days, but just be careful). I signed up for several community college courses that were cheap but horrible to navigate (even the login systems didn’t work consistently), and the classes had several often-times-confusing deadlines each week. By the time I was ready to go back to school “for good,” I told myself that I would NOT consider any online course that didn’t have clear & regular/established deadlines for assignments.
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Don’t be scared to ask. At my college, honors thesis students meet regularly on campus. Although I was actually a pretty defeatist person at the time, I forced myself to be pro-active and emailed every faculty member in the honors program. I was like, “Hey, I have a 4.0 GPA and I’ve already been accepted to graduate school; is there ANY WAY I can finish my honors thesis despite working full-time + having a kid?” A wonderful honors professor (who wasn’t even in my field of study – she was a women’s studies professor lol) agreed to work with me in the evenings.
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You’re going to have to swallow your pride and know that this, too, shall pass. People looked at me as if I was a freak for years (once they realized my son was not a younger sibling, but my child). Now that we live in a nice home and I have a good job & send my son to private school, people compliment my “cute little family,” etc. Life’s weird like that, and I often wonder if the people who know me now would say the same thing if they knew how bad off I used to be.
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DON’T HAVE ANY MORE KIDS. Get an IUD. Get your tubes tied. Whatever you do, don’t have another child until you are financially stable. It was hard enough getting through school w/ one child… I would have ended up on welfare if I had more children.
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Probably my most controversial advice: don’t tell prospective employers about your situation, and actively find employers that don’t require long application processes + detailed background checks. I can’t even begin to tell you how many jobs rejected me the second they found out I was a young mom + didn’t graduate from college on time. People looked at me with overt disgust at times. When my son was three or four, an exceptionally kind woman hired me without asking too many probing questions, and that’s how I got my start in my current field. I went from making $12/hr (part-time, no benefits) to $15/hr (part-time, no benefits) to $20/hr (full-time contract basis, no benefits). By the time I was in my master’s program, I was making $43,000 a year (with benefits). When I graduated from my master’s program, I made $70,000. I make a lot more these days. I recently sent a thank you gift to that first supervisor who took a chance on me (even though I doubt she even remembers me), because I would have NEVER been able to climb my way up had it not been for her.
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Try not to look poor & destitute. I did this for years and honestly, it just made things worse. I was treated horribly during one of my first jobs after my son was born because I looked SO awful (overweight, poor, dirty, etc.). Do what it takes to dress decently and not look visibly poor. It WILL pay off financially in terms of job opportunities + salaries. It’s unfair and it’s shallow, but people honestly do treat you better if you don’t look poor.
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Befriend a few people who are on the level you want to be at someday, not the level you are at the moment. You may think, “Well how the h*ll am I supposed to do that? Why would THEY want to be with me?” Trust me, there are kind souls at every socio-economic level. Be kind to others who are suffering more than you as well; you never know how you’ll be able to help them up.
That’s all folks. Good luck, and I wish you the best in your college journeys.