<p>Hey – just so nobody thinks I decided to vanish from these boards entirely after some of the things that were said on the Chaz Bono thread, I wanted, first of all, to thank everyone for their extremely kind words after I realized I simply couldn’t continue posting there. And let you know that you’re most welcome for whatever I may have been able to accomplish in trying to explain some things.</p>
<p>And my apologies to the people who sent me some very sweet private messages that I haven’t answered yet. I always mean to, but sometimes the time gets away from me, especially when I have as much going on as I do now.</p>
<p>I also wanted to mention that I’m going into the hospital on Friday and am scheduled to have major surgery next Monday morning, a week from today. Because I’m having the surgery out of the country, in Montreal, I really don’t know whether I’ll have email or Internet access (although I did buy myself one of those little $300 Acer laptops just in case they do have wireless in the hospital and I feel up to communicating with anyone). I won’t be back home until July 9 or 10 at the earliest, assuming no complications (a big assumption on my part, since I’ve never yet had surgery of any kind without some unusual complication that causes my surgeon to say something like “that’s very unusual. We’ve never seen <em>that</em> before. Fascinating!” To me, not so fascinating.) Again even assuming no complications, I probably won’t be able to go back to work until the beginning of August.</p>
<p>Unfortunately, although I try not to dwell on it because it’ll make me sad, this little detour of mine really cuts into my time with my son this summer. He’s been back for only 9 days, and by the time I get back, he’ll be around for only a few more days before he goes back to Chicago for the summer term. He decided that he’d much rather be in Chicago for most of the summer, since he has lots of friends who’ll be there. He’s subletting an apartment share near the campus, taking two classes, and continuing to look for some kind of summer job. I won’t see him again until late August, when he’ll be back for a while before school starts again in late September.</p>
<p>At least I’ve had a chance to spend a lot of time with him since he got home. Even though I’ve been swamped at work lately, especially because I’ve had an incredible amount to get done before my prolonged departure. Tonight and the next couple of nights, I doubt I’ll see him, but I do hope I get to spend some time with him on Thursday, the night before I leave.</p>
<p>He’ll be staying at my place most of the time I’m away, so he can keep our cat Ziggy company and take care of him. Hopefully, I won’t come home to a floor full of the spilled kitty litter crumbs he always manages to spread when he does Ziggy’s litter, and will do a decent job keeping the place reasonably neat and clean. Well, at least kinda sorta. (Perfection, I’m not expecting. But dishes in the dishwasher instead of piled in the sink would be nice, and I even showed him how to clean up when Ziggy decides to throw up!) </p>
<p>He also promised to make sure that there’s plenty of stuff in the refrigerator when I get back, since he’ll only be available for a couple of days to run errands for me before he leaves again, and after that I’ll be on my own. I don’t think I’ll be able to drive for a while; walking will be enough of an issue!</p>
<p>By the way, although I hesitate slightly to mention this given the presence of certain people on these boards, yes, it’s “that” surgery. Or, at least, the final aspect of it; I had a preliminary kind of surgery five years ago that will make this surgery a little less complex, but not really very much. And that’s all the detail I’m going into! The surgery is definitely more risky for me than for many other people, given my other medical issues and generally not-so-great health, as well as some specific aspects of my medical history. But it’s something I very much need to do, and I’ve waited a very long time. (Under the “rules,” I could have done this as long as 3 years ago, one year after my transition – a transition I delayed in the first place for a long time, to make sure my son was ready. But I wanted to wait to have this surgery until my son finished high school, so he’d never end up missing a summer vacation with me, and I specifically promised that I’d take him to Italy last summer as his graduation present. So this was the first summer it’s been practical. Two weeks in Montreal is my “summer vacation” this year! I don’t think I’ll be doing much sightseeing, though.)</p>
<p>So, just in case, another thing I’ve been doing, even though I don’t want to be morbid, is to “put my affairs in order” – finally writing my first new will since my son was a baby, making sure everything’s in place financially, with someone I really trust as executor to make sure he’s taken care of, and that when the house I still own with my ex is finally sold (we had a couple who signed a contract to buy it, and it was supposed to close this week, but the husband lost his job and they cancelled, darn), my son will get my share. Which I wouldn’t necessarily trust my ex to give him, otherwise.</p>
<p>So, as I mentioned, things have been pretty stressful! (Maybe you all can understand even better how incredibly difficult it was for me, emotionally, to have to read some of the phenomenally ignorant things that were said on that other thread about trans people’s having surgery, and why I just couldn’t take it anymore, eventually.)</p>
<p>Anyway, when I think of all the stuff I still have to get done before I leave – oy!</p>
<p>One thing I need to do that I keep forgetting (and I hope it’s not too late) is to call Air Canada and make sure that when I fly home I get a wheelchair and someone to assist me with my luggage, since I’m traveling alone and won’t have anyone else to help me. I have a feeling that walking slowly around the hospital isn’t quite going to prepare me for walking all the way through an airport with my luggage and lifting it up on the counter for customs, etc., etc., especially since lifting more than a few pounds will be forbidden to me for quite a while. I really don’t want to hurt myself. So I’d better call tomorrow. I’ve traveled alone before many times, and I’ve taken care of myself in the hospital alone before, too, when I was in my 20’s, but I’ve never done both simultaneously, or been in the hospital or had surgery in a city where I don’t know anyone. All of which I admit feels kind of strange, and makes me a little anxious. Still, I know I’ll manage. I always have. </p>
<p>Finally, the last thing I want is to make this thread (if anyone chooses to say anything and it becomes a thread!), the least bit political. I’ve had quite enough of that lately, thank you very much! But I will point out that contrary to the awful cliche one sees so often in newspaper and magazine articles about trans people, you don’t “go in the hospital a man and come out a woman!!!” All the surgery in the world won’t make you a woman if that isn’t what you already are. And I already am, and have been for a long time now. This is just a final detail. Every other part of my transition involved and affected both me, and the way I interact with the world and the world perceives me. This part of it is for me, and me alone.</p>
<p>Donna</p>