I'm 20 and I don't know what to do with my life.

So I’m 20 years old currently a sophomore in college. im a political science major and I don’t know what I want. I was really interested in law and I still kind of am but it’s starting to seem a little out of my reach. I don’t know what to do. I enjoy reading, I love history and I’ve loved learning about laws and everything, but I don’t know what I’m going to end up doing with all of this knowledge that I’m acquiring. And I’m scared that I will end up just waisting my time with a major I don’t care for. I considered joining the Navy and becoming a lawyer for the Navy, but I know this sounds foolish I have a boyfriend. We’ve been dating for 5 years and he’s just joined the navy a year ago. I feel like a lot of the decisions im trying to make are based on him. Like for example I can’t be a lawyer if im moving around every 3-4 years because of him. Or I can’t be in the Navy because then we’d both be separated for sure. I know I shouldn’t base my decisions based on my relationship. But at the moment what I want is to be with him, so I have a hard time what I want to do in my academic and professional life. I don’t want to not do something and regret it, but I don’t want to pursue something I may or may not like and end up losing him.

I’m currently trying to find other majors I can tolerate doing:
I like to read, I’m interested in history, I’m interested in Law (mostly federal), I like to paint, I like to dance, and I like to help people.
I don’t like science and I’m okay with math.

Any advice?

I don’t know the answers to your questions, but one thing I really need to say: PLEASE DO NOT CHANGE YOURSELF OR YOUR LIFE FOR A BOY. And especially do not sacrifice your happiness for your relationship. You deserve as good of a shot at your dream future as your boyfriend. Not to mention you guys are not fully committed to each other yet (aka marriage), so you could very well get hurt. If you want to be a lawyer, go to law school, regardless of whether your boyfriend is in the navy.

Please do not bend to fit the mold that your boyfriend has created for you. Long distance relationships CAN work if you wok at it.

I agree with @absentions . You seem to be doing a lot of accommodating… what is he doing to accommodate your future? I think it’s telling that you would consider being a lawyer in the Navy-- but didn’t mention any other branch of the military. And you’re worried that somewhere down the road, you may have to move every few years. How do you know that he’ll be career military? He may decide after a year or two or three-- before you guys even commit to be together long term-- that he’s had enough.

Here’s the good news: at 20, you really do NOT have to know what to do with your life. You’re enjoying learning about laws. Wonderful! You particularly love federal law- even better, you’re narrowing down your focus.

Continue to paint and to dance, and to do things that bring you joy. And if you love to help people, start to consider ways to use your knowledge to do that. Speak to your professors, spend some time online. Could you intern with some sort of legal aid group? Does politics have any interest to you… could you work on someone’s upcoming political campaign??

This is a time to explore options. If you hit a dead end or two, that’s OK-- it’s as important to figure out what you DON’T want as what you do.

I was signing out of school the other day for the summer, and ran into a graduate, just completing her junior year of college. She said she was majoring in Child Development, but wasn’t sure what she wanted to do… she really wanted to travel, and wasn’t sure how to incorporate the two. I gave her the name of the adoption agency we worked through when we adopted my son from Korea…perhaps that type of work could incorporate her major and love for travel. She seemed excited by the possibility and said she would contact them.

Sometimes finding your path is about serendipity. Keep the doors open, and see where it leads you.

Law occupations don’t end with lawyers. According to the Bureau of Labor Statistics (BLS) page at http://www.bls.gov/emp/ep_table_102.htm, there are a little less than half as many paralegals as there are lawyers, but much greater job growth is anticipated for them. The BLS says, “Most paralegals and legal assistants have an associate’s degree or a certificate in paralegal studies. In some cases, employers may hire college graduates with a bachelor’s degree with no legal experience or specialized education and train them on the job…The median annual wage for paralegals and legal assistants was $46,990 in May 2012…This occupation attracts many applicants, and competition for jobs will be strong. Experienced, formally trained paralegals with strong computer and database management skills should have the best job prospects.”

Another thought for a political science degree is teaching social studies or history in a high school.

As difficult as it might be, separate your goals from your boyfriend’s goals. If you both end up in the same place, great, but don’t count on it at the age of only 20. You need to separate your heart from your head at this time if you are going to do what is best for your future. Besides, your boyfriend, will encourage you to do what is in your best interests if he is truly worth keeping. And vice versa.

You may not know what you will ultimately be doing, but you’re at a time in your life when you need to be making forward progress on something.

If you really like him, marry him, that way you will get benefits, also you can join the Navy. they have programs that keep MARRIED couples together on the same homeport/base.

I do agree that the military offers far more benefits to people who are legally spouses than people who are “just” partners or girlfriends/boyfriends; there are also lots of companies that give preference to military spouses because they understand the difficulty of obtaining a job. The benefits are also pretty great. (Husband is prior Air Force.) However, I do say that that is not a good reason to get married before you are ready. I was in quite a similar position - my husband joined the Air Force the same year that I entered graduate school and was making some critical career decisions, I was 22, and we’d been dating for around 7 years. We didn’t get married until after he separated from the military some 4 years later. It wasn’t a deliberate decision; that was just the right time for us.

Anyway, there’s not necessarily a linear path between major and career - you can major in political science or history and do any number of things, including jobs that are flexible and that allow you to move around should you choose to stay with your boyfriend. So if you want to major in political science, or switch to history, with the goal of becoming a lawyer (but the realization that there might be other things you want to do as well) - then do that! You can explore career options by doing internships and working part-time, or volunteering, in different fields. Many future lawyers get certified as paralegals or legal secretaries and do that work for several years before going to law school. (That’s also a legitimate career in and of itself.) And there are lots of law-related careers that aren’t law that can benefit from a major in political science - like policy research, international relations, consular affairs, working with nonprofits or NGOs that interface with policy or law groups (like the ACLU, a union, an environmental firm, Teach for America, etc.) So if you love it, keep at it, and find a way to fit your job to your interests rather than the other way around.

It’s not that I think you shouldn’t base decisions on your relationship (I think it’s only natural), but I do think that you need to think about how much you are willing to give up and think practically about whether those sacrifices make sense. One of the best and most giving things my own husband did for me, when I got accepted to graduate school at the same time he joined the AF, was to tell me to select a graduate school not based on trying to stay close to him but based upon what was best for my career, because that would give us the most options later. We’ve done that for each other throughout our early careers and training - made decisions that sometimes result in some short-term pain/sacrifice but with the long view in mind.

You’re only 20. Some separation would be kind of terrible right now but let’s say - you go to law school and work hard and become a lawyer whose work is so in-demand that you can work remotely and then easily move around every 3-4 years for your husband’s military career. And then he retires when you’re 40, after 20 years of service, and you’re just hitting your stride in your career and can join a great job/firm/whatever because of that experience. Then the sacrifice of the first 5-7 years of grueling labor and separation are worth it, right? Also envision other scenarios - scenarios in which your boyfriend leaves the military after one or two tours; scenarios in which you break up with him; scenarios in which he doesn’t move that often (some military members do stay on one base for longer than 3-4 years - it’s not common, but it’s not rare either.) When I entertained these scenarios, every decision point pointed to me spending the time and effort to develop my career early on so that I’d be more prepared to handle the challenges later as they came up.

If you want to be a JAG officer, the military does try to keep spouses together. TRY is the operative word. Also “together” means “bases within 100 miles of each other.” The hope is that they are the same or adjacent bases. This is more difficult in specialized fields like JAG, particularly if your spouse is also in a specialized field. The thing to remember always always always about the military is that the needs of the [insert branch here] come first. If you stay involved with a military member you will hear that terminology A LOT, especially as they are changing something on you that you expected or that would make your life easier. Deployment date got moved up 6 weeks? Needs of the Navy come first. Husband gets deployed again just a month after returning? Needs of the Navy. Husband got promised a base in California nearby where you finally found a new job, but suddenly they need him to go to Nebraska (or Germany!)? Needs of the Navy!