I'm a non-artsy art student and I don't fit in

<p>Sorry in advance for this being so long.</p>

<p>I’m about to start my second year at a well-known but small private art school in a big city, and my first year was not at all what I had hoped it would be. The classes are great- I finished the first year with a 4.0, I’m near the top of the class, I love my major, and I don’t feel at all overwhelmed- but I’m having a lot of trouble fitting in. I don’t look or act like a stereotypical “artsy” kid. I don’t smoke, I don’t have any tattoos or piercings, I wear preppy clothes, and my hair is its natural color. I’m not into anime or high fashion or being hipster. I own exactly zero fedoras. I feel like I have next to nothing in common with the people here. At a school that is exclusively for artists, basically all of the people here look exactly like you would expect art students to look. Every time I go home for a break, I tell myself that I must be exaggerating and that when I get back, I’ll see more people like me. But I am always proved wrong. When I look around, I don’t see potential lifelong friends.</p>

<p>There are 2 dorms and only one main academic building that contains the cafeteria. It’s largely a commuter campus. We have four sports teams and very few clubs, most of which are directly associated with majors I am not pursuing. There isn’t much student life going on- if you want stuff to do, you have to go off campus, where everything costs money. I go home most weekends because the campus is so boring, but then I end up watching old movies with my mom. Then I always cry the entire drive back to my dorm.</p>

<p>I’m from a small town and I learned the hard way that I’m not a city person. Unfortunately, I didn’t really consider what student life would be like when I was choosing a college. This has always been my dream school because of the programs it offers (my major is fairly uncommon) and I never even took into consideration what I would be doing when I wasn’t working. I only liked it because it had my major and was close to home.</p>

<p>I’ve never told any of my friends from high school about what I’m going through. When they ask me how college is going, I lie and say it’s great or I just focus on how great my classes are, which is the truth. Sometimes I joke about all the artsy students here and how I’m the weird one, just to get them to stop asking me about it. I haven’t even told my long-distance boyfriend about it because he’s very social and he’s having a great time at his college- I’m afraid he’ll look down on me for being a hermit.</p>

<p>To top it off, several years before coming to college, I was diagnosed with depression and began seeing a therapist. She kept telling me that college would be so much better, it would be sooo easy to make friends, and so on.
Besides me, my mom is the only one who knows that I’m depressed. But she doesn’t really believe it’s an actual problem- she thinks that with a little effort, I can get over it. I used to try to communicate to her about what a hard time I’m having, but she just doesn’t understand. Since college started, I haven’t really told her about any of this. She’s borrowing a lot of money to make it possible for me to attend my ‘dream’ school and I don’t want her to feel bad about spending so much money for me to have such a terrible time. </p>

<p>So since my mom doesn’t understand, I’m afraid to tell my boyfriend, and none of my high school friends know, I’m feeling pretty alone in this. Does anyone have any advice?</p>

<p>Are you still seeing a therapist? Is there a mental health component to the student health services at your school?</p>

<p>Truly, my dear, you need to talk to someone! I understand that you don’t want to talk to mom, but I really believe that is your first step.</p>

<p>My d had some struggles this year (senior in HS) and if she had told me earlier about the severity, I could have helped.</p>

<p>I’m sorry you’re going through this. I was a music major many moons ago and I get what you’re saying about the artsy “type” and not fitting in. I was fortunate that I could find a few like me (not into the party or especially druggy scene), but it was hard.</p>

<p>My best advice is to find SOMEONE to talk to and consider that you may want to transfer to another school.</p>

<p>It’s just college, it’s not where you’ll spend the rest of your life.</p>

<p>I’m glad there is at least one non-hipster art student out there. I considered going to art college. My dream still is to be a film maker, I just don’t know how to make that happen.</p>

<p>I am a physics and computer science guy, and while I’m passionate about both of those areas in many ways I don’t fit the other students around me. For one thing:</p>

<p>-I’m thirty.
-I’m not an atheist, I’m actually a conservative Christian, which is unusual for a Criterion-Collection-owning film freak who likes Fellini, Lynch, and Kubrick, and is also pretty unusual for somebody heading to grad school for a physics PhD in a year.
-I’m a global warming skeptic
-I’m a virgin
-I’m libertarian and generally believe that government should be less involved in science
-I hate anything having to do with superheroes, that includes all movies (The Dark Knight was boring and adults in silly costumes can never get so gritty that it stops being stupid)
-My nerdliness is about ten years out of date. The way current nerds feel about the new Doctor Who is how I feel about Star Trek’s incarnations (especially TNG and DS9). I made a “make it so” reference AND A ROOM FULL OF PHYSICS MAJORS DIDN’T GET IT. Nerds have changed.
-I was never a big cell phone guy, I don’t go gah-gah over web 2.0 or mobile apps in general (though I own a smart phone and use it a lot, it’s not a “passion” of mine the way desktop computing is)
-I don’t care for MMOs or strategy games, I’m all about Valve, Nintendo, and old-school graphic adventures
-I think most “green” technology is a money-making scam, instead of the way of the future or whatever
-I don’t drink or do drugs or smoke</p>

<p>But a lot of these things are cultural trappings. You think art students in China give a crap about fedoras? In the ways that matter I am a physics/CS guy. I take the classes and do well, I do non-school-related physics reading in my own time, I take extra electives in math/CS, I volunteer for physics demonstrations for the public, I participate in research and have shown a poster of my findings, I volunteer for committees and whatnot. Nobody can say I’m not really a physics/CS guy. Heck, I mainly use Linux! :D</p>

<p>I’m sure there are <em>some</em> non-hipster people are your college. Seek them out, like how minority students at New England SLACs do with each other. Or make friends elsewhere. What is another nearby college? I’m sure they wouldn’t mind you joining their clubs or whatever.</p>

<p>Have you considered transferring to a large university that offers your field of interest, or one close to it, as well as a lot of other majors that attract many different “types”? Why be miserable for three more years? My S hated his freshman year–also realized he didn’t belong in big city school–so he transferred to a different kind of college and had three happy years there.</p>

<p>Now my suggestion to transfer doesn’t mean you shouldn’t also work on your depression with an appropriate therapist, because no matter where you go, your depression will travel with you unless you address it. (And yes, I’ve got another kid who struggles with depression, so I know what I’m talking about.)</p>