I'm a parent that needs some sense slapped into him

Parents Forum
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My son has submitted his early applications. He is a water polo player from a lesser recruited state (not international/not CA), and it has been quite a taxing year on him and on us. He wants to play varsity water polo at a competitive and academically rigorous school. He was close to getting official admissions support at Hopkins and at Brown, but ultimately did not make the top 3 or 4 or however many spots they allocate to official recruits. However, both coaches said he would have a spot on the team if he gets accepted and would mark his application as a “non-supported recruit.” No idea how much perceived or real advantage that means. btw, he’s decently competitive: 11 APs, national merit semifinalist, 1530, 4.7 weighted gpa, national debate/speech type activity, plus more, but no research/did not cure cancer as he spent the majority of his time as a dual sport athlete (water polo/swim).

anyway, he ultimately decided to take his chances and apply Brown ED. Just as he was submitting his application, he got a call from the Yale CLUB water polo coach/recruiter stating that they met with Yale Admissions, who would “walk in” his application through first round of review to committee. certainly, that seems like a real admissions advantage, but who knows; nothing is guaranteed, we know. there some other background info that this club team that would suggest that would suggest this is a real advantage.

mind you, we were working under the impression that Yale would not give any admissions support since its only a club team but would apply RD, but this drastically changed 2 nights ago. so we all of a sudden found ourselves in an impossible position. stick with our plan to roll the dice to 1) play D1 polo 2) at an Ivy (both dreams from day 1) or switch things up at the 11th hour to take advantage of the admissions boost at a top Ivy.

Confronted with this choice, his mom and i tried to stay as logical and objective as possible. we asked him if he was admitted to both theoretically (not realistic as they are both single choice early/binding), which would he choose: D1 at Brown (this was a simple decision for him). he also said that if he got into Yale, he would always think that he could have played D1 polo at Brown. So he ED’d to brown, unsure how much pull the coach would have for a non-supported recruit.

I’ve had a pit in my stomach for the past 2 days. i’m afraid i’m gonna think we blew our chance at Yale with the admissions advantage if he doesn’t get in to Brown. I’m mad that we were placed in such a ■■■■■■ position last minute. I know thinking, “But it’s Yale!” is a symptom thought, but can’t help myself. Did we guide our son correctly?

TDLR: D1 Brown vs admissions advantage at Yale for club; I need help getting off this Hedonistic treadmill.

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If Brown is your son’s top choice, and it’s affordable for you, I personally think taking the ED chance is the right choice. It doesn’t sound like Yale was his top choice.

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100% sounds like you and your family did the right thing.

ETA but – it’s totally understandable you’re having the feelings you have!

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My two cents: stick with the ED to Brown. The admissions boost for a club sport at Yale is probably minimal. Unless they specifically have told you that you will be admitted, it is a feather on the scale. It’s not typical for club sports to give a big advantage.

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i understand this generally. however, this is the first time in history that the admissions officer (someone with clout per the coach) and has for a list of 3 names for the club team (my son being in that top 3). last year, out of a list of 30 “recruits,” none were admitted, so there is some feeling that this year is different.

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Your son made a well thought out choice. You can drive yourself nuts with *what ifs.” Move forward.

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So last year, none of these 30 recruits were admitted. That tells you that the club boost is basically negligible. Why would it be any different this year? Seems like wishful thinking. The coach is telling you what you want to hear to get your kid to apply.

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thank you. perhaps you are right, i hope you are. they’ve never asked for “top 3” before and specifically said they would walk their application into committee. maybe they are blowing smoke to the coach, but that’s why it feels different this year.

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Here’s a slap.

Did you ask the kid the broken leg question (although in this case- probably the dislocated shoulder question). If he is injured and can’t swim… where would he want to be?

I surmise it’s Brown but not sure based on what you’ve posted. So go ask. If it’s Brown, then sleep soundly at night. There are a lot of fantastic athletes in HS who give up their sport in college for a variety of reasons. And perhaps your son will be one of them. Or he’ll stick with it. You can’t predict.

I’ve posted before about a roommate who was a crew star (at Brown). She was also serious about medical school. And to the chagrin of her coach and teammates- gave up crew junior year. It was just too much. The river at 5 am; going to bed at a decent time no matter how much more studying she felt she needed to do; the travel and the training– it took what had been her passion in HS and turned it into a grind. And a grind that she felt was keeping her from other things– academic, social, artistic. I don’t think she minded missing out on things while she was still loving crew- but once that became less of a joy and more of an obligation, her mindset shifted.

Your kid may love water polo and swimming and will ALWAYS love competing. Or he’ll develop other interests and decide to reset his priorities. Or god forbid have an injury which keeps him out of the pool for a semester or longer.

So to me (a non-athlete)…. the “fit” of the U is what you guys should focus on.

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this is also part of the angst. he’s someone that doesn’t know what he wants to do (favor brown open cirr) and i guess the consensus is that students are very happy at Brown. Happier than kids at Yale? who knows? he’s interested in Art (Yale Art vs proximity to RISD), medicine (favor Yale), law (favor Yale), finance (slight favor Yale), Architecture (?). i don’t see him losing his passion for WP. he’s happiest when playing wp and the structure of a varsity will help his anxious personality. i guess all that to say, it’s probably a wash.

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Curious why medicine, law and finance favor Yale?

Brown does not have a law school– but you can get into Yale law from Brown (and another 199 or so undergraduate schools). It does have a med school. Neither college have an undergraduate business school and no finance major– but both colleges have plenty of finance related companies recruiting their students.

And are you using “anxious personality” as just a descriptor- or does he actually suffer from anxiety? Yale is not a hyper competitive place, but is definitely not as “chill” as Brown.

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Deep breaths. Good luck with Brown. It’s a great school!

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Adding…please do not let your S sense your angst. He made his choice and it is now your job to be fully supportive.

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brown is a semi–target vs high target/semi-target at yale. of course, its all what the student makes of it, i know. i realize im nit-picking here. im a physician and former med school admission officer, so i do believe there is a perceived advantage based on name alone. again, i’m trying to tell myself to be less of a prestige-wh*re, but flawed heart/mind can’t help itself.

He does have an anxiety diagnosis, but has managed it well, and clearly has excelled despite it. more chill would be better though.

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100%. that’s why im here on the forum, which i’ve never posted on. my wife is also completely level-headed about this, so i’m not trying to put my inner worries on them. i will likely delete this thread in a few days, so there’s no chance of him stumbling upon it.

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Both Brown and Yale are seldom “semi target” colleges. Their acceptance rates are simply too low, in my opinion, for this designation. The vast majority of students applying are very strong applicants, like your son. And the vast majority by a lot do not get accepted.

I would say…:crossed_fingers:t2:for an ED acceptance to Brown! If that doesn’t work out, he can apply RD to Yale. Or any other number of fine schools.

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i meant wall-street target, in terms of how heavily they recruit on campus. but i hear you! thanks!

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any advice about me personally reaching out to brown coach? help? hurt? since we let him know that we committed to Brown, he’s contacted us twice already to ask for transcript and resumes again. that’s gotta mean something right?

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Not knowing anything else about the details, it seems like your son (and you) made the right decision. He seems perfectly capable of getting into Brown on his non-athletic merits and the “soft” coach support may tip the balance in his favor.

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Ah! I totally misunderstood what you meant by “semi target”.

Anyway…your son must have determined at some point that Brown was his number one choice. So…go with that…and hope for the best.